Monday, November 17, 2014

SMM: Magical Hair Growth and Twue Rrove

Episode 9: Serenity

We open where we left off, with a giant green bubble of energy heading straight for a flying Sailor Moon when Tuxedo Mask leaps through the air to her defense and gets all knocked around. Only then does Tuxedo Mask remember that he is really Endymion and that Sailor Moon is really Princess Serenity and that they were all reborn on earth. Of course he conveniently remembers this before passing out because every good soap opera needs a fainting scene.

~*Shiny Moonlight Makeup Song*~

Like any hormonal thirteen year old girl, Sailor Moon freaks the fuck out and starts screaming which causes her to transform into the princess she really is. We get this whole cool clock that had stopped is now moving backwards scene and Usagi starts to remember her past life as a princess.  She remembers going to Earth to stalk the handsome prince and them falling in true love.

Then she remembers the war breaking out and the people of Earth charging the moon kingdom and Endymion jumping in the way before to save her life. Sailor Moon freaks out more and starts crying and suddenly her tears turn into the Legendary Silver Crystal, dun dun dun!!

This is of course intercut with scenes of all the bad guys being like "crystal get it!!" 

We then watch part of the crystal be absorbed into Tuxedo Mask's body before Queen Beryl shows up and demands that Kunzite take the Crystal. I'm starting to think Beryl is all bluster and no work. She never does any of the actual fighting her. She just leaves it up to the four pretty boys of the apocalypse. What kind of evil villain doesn't get her hands dirty?

The Sailor Scouts valiantly try to protect the princess but are ultimately not strong enough to repel the attacks. Kunzite takes off with Tuxedo Mask's body and Sailor Moon has a total meltdown. She struggles to get away from the Scouts to save him, but like smart girls they don't let her go.

Back at the under-ground arcade headquarters, Usagi is still crying because she just lost of the love of her life and what else can you do but cry when that happens? If I lost my husband, I would need three bottles of wine and two months of crying to be able to even leave the house.

Sailor Venus ain't having that shit though, because she has work to do. She grills Usagi about what she remembers and how they used to live on the Moon. Rei, the ever observant one, points out at Usagi is the real princess not Minako and Artemis apologizes for lying to them but they were doing it to protect the Legendary Silver Crystal. 

Then backstory-palooza happens where we see more of the moon kingdom and the fight and of the Sailor Scouts former lives. We get to watch Endymion die for the third time this episode, which is just overkill TBH. Artemis says they successfully sealed away the evil Queen Metallica last time but the she has escaped again. Usagi  hears this and death shakes Sailor Venus asking who it was that took Mamoru and where they are.  Sailor Venus asks her to calm her tits but Usagi freaks out more being all "I am not a princess!!"

Usagi then looks at the Legendary Silver Crystal again and is all "I can't believe I had this inside me." Sailor Venus, proving to be the worst friend ever, says that Usagi's strong love for Tuxedo Mask brought out the Crystal and Usagi then promptly faints from all the flashbacks of death she is dealing with.

Back in the underground cave of winter-doom, Beryl and Kunzite lament how they couldn't find the Legendary Silver Crystal even though they clearly saw it go into Tuxedo Mask's body.  Beryl says to keep Tuxedo Mask alive until they find that Crystal and then storms off. Of course the four pretty boys of the Apocalypse all have a strange feeling of deja-vu like they know Tuxedo Mask but brush it off because plot convenience. 

Usagi then wakes up in her bed, freaking out that Queen Metallica has killed Endymion.  Can I just take a moment to complain that I never know what to call these characters? I mean fuck, they all have three different names. Do I call her Usagi, Princess Serenity, Sailor Moon? This show is like schizophrenic acid-trip. I never know which person I am talking about.

Time of Luna's flashback of coming to earth and being found by Usagi but then not trusting her and causing her all this pain. Luna has massive kitty guilty. Luckily the other Sailor Scouts decide its time to go see how Usagi is doing because they can't stand waiting around for her to feel better. Apparently without Usagi, there is no sunshine for the rest of the Sailor Scouts.

When they find Usagi though, her hair has grown like twenty-million feet over night. Apparently Rapunzel doesn't have a thing on this girl. 
The scouts help her cut her extra-long hair and put it back up for her. Minako, again being horrible at this girl thing, talks about Usagi's hair back in the Silver Millenium which causes Usagi to flashback yet again before freaking out about Mamoru. The girls tell her to get a hold of herself, but come on no 13 year old girl can do that.

Ami tells Usagi that Princess Serenity used to always cheer them up with her smile. Thanks Ami, because every girl wants to be responsible for other people's happiness, like Usagi doesn't have enough on her plate to deal with.

Rei, clearly the only sensible person here, helps calm Usagi down saying that they are here to help her and protect her. That Usagi doesn't have to be the princess; she can just be her.

Then Luna suggest they all go to the moon where they used to be happy because the laws of physics and shit don't matter here.

So moon here we come!

# of "Legendary Silver Crystal's":11
# of times Usagi Times: Infinity
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