Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Do I Look Like I Need More Hormones?

So medical care, like any normal person I need it every once and awhile.  So I made an appointment and went to the Ob/Gyn for my yearly check-up (mostly because my birth control was running out and I needed a refill). My family has forever called it getting a "lube job" which is both really awful and incredible accurate.
Its marginally similar

Anyways, so while I was there I thought I would switch up my birth control. I've said before that I have not so great luck with birth control in general as more often than not I have less than stellar side-effects. Since iMac and I aren't looking to have kids anytime soon I thought I would get the birth control implant. It's a little implant about the size of a matchstick that they put in your arm and you can't get pregnant for 3 years. Unfortunately my doctor couldn't give it to me since she works in a Catholic Hospital. So she referred me to another OB/GYN to go to just to get the implant.

This is where things start to go wrong in this story. So I call this other doctors office to make and appointment and the first time the receptions sends me straight to a voicemail even though she told me she was sending me to the appointment line. So I call back confused and she tells me to leave a voicemail and sends me to a different line. So I leave a voicemail and no one calls back. So I call back late that afternoon (like at close) and I get an appointment made.

So a week later I take an hour off work to drive to bum-fuck-nowhere 30 minutes away from my job to get this implant. It seems normal at first, fill out paperwork, pay my fee, wait to be called. Then I get called into the area to talk to the nurse and she starts asking me all sorts of weird questions like: "What's your hormone count?" and "When did you go through menopause?" 

At this point I am very confused, as these don't seem like the type of questions you get for a routine birth control visit. So when I say I haven't been through menopause, she asks me why I am getting hormone replacement therapy.

To which I replied, "What the hell are you talking about?"

Apparently the person who actually made my appointment never looked at my referral paperwork and somehow thought I was coming in for hormone replacement therapy. The best part is that I when was explaining what I was actually referred for, the nurse acted like I was crazy. I had to explain it like three times and finally pull out my referral paperwork to prove to her I wasn't there to get any hormones pumped into my body.

Once they figured out what had happened they offered to reschedule, but by that time I didn't trust them to get it right the second time. Instead I went back to my doctor to get another type of birth control, only to find out that wasn't covered by my medical insurance after I was charged $70 dollars for it. So needless to say I am going to have to switch it again next time I go back to the doctors.

Dammit people, why are you making it so hard for me to not have a baby. 
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