Thursday, May 30, 2013

I'm in Miami (Part 2)

DAY TWO: So I made sure to get to bed at a reasonable time knowing the conference was starting the next morning and I had to be down there at 6:45 a.m. Unfortunately, I still reacted like this when my alarm went off:

Anyways check-in ran kind of smoothly, of course we had people who wanted to buy tickets or didn't know what name the ticket had been bought under. The usual shit. Once check-in was over, I had to run into the conference to help live-tweet and live-blog the event. That was part was kind of awesome because I was front row center to some of the biggest names in Digital Marketing. I actually got to meet Rand Fishkin, who is like THE BIGGEST NAME in the industry. Strangely, he was super charming and nice. I guess I expected someone like him, a person with groupies, to have an ego but he totally doesn't.

The conference ran pretty smoothly on day one. There was some slight hiccups with not having enough food for lunch and the fire alarm going off repeatedly during one of the presentations. That night we headed to a rooftop bar located within walking distance of the hotel. It was open bar and buffet and day two of having steak for dinner.

Gorgeous View

I had been tweeting at one of our speakers earlier in the day and she was telling me how I had to get one of our other speakers (who is British) to say "fuck" because he sounds so dignified when he does it. So I got a little liquid courage and went up and asked him. She was right, he did sound super dignified saying "fuck." Not at all vulgar like when I say it. Anyways it became a running gag because everytime this speaker saw me he would come up and say "fuck" and then just walk off.

 DAY THREE: of Tits in Miami featured more conference work including being within striking distance of Peter-Motherfucking-Shankman. I love me some Peter Shankman, if you don't know who he is go Google him now. There were also more amazing speakers and presentations and even a dance break lead by one of my coworkers.

The after-conference party on day three was held on a yacht. And not like a little yacht either, this thing was massive with a dining room that seated 250 people.

It was huge

There was a red carpet for the yacht and tons of picture being taken, so I thought I would wear my cute pink polka dot dress that I love. HUGE MISTAKE. I didn't take into factor the fact that the boat would be moving and it would be windy. I spent the vast majority of the night trying to keep my dress from flying over my head. Because I didn't want to be "that slutty girl on staff who showed everyone her underwear." I mean I was wearing cute Victoria Secrets underwear but at a work function, not really kosher to show them off. Also day three of eating steak for dinner (the prime rib was really good too)

So My Dress that Night

Anyways several members of the staff and I stayed down by the bay and had a few drinks after the yacht. My coworker invited a homeless lady in a hover-round to have drinks with us at Hooters, but she politely declined.We ended up back at the hotel around 12:30 where we ran into several of the speakers hanging out. They (being male and all) decided to hit up a strip club and not wanting to be rude, we joined them.

We ended up at by far the worst strip club in South Beach. We should have known their was a problem when there was a $20 cover to get in the door. I haven't been to many strip clubs in my life, this would be my second, but I'm pretty sure they weren't supposed to be like this place. The strippers were scary looking; many looked like drag queens (which obviously they weren't). They all looked dead in the eyes and like they were counting the minutes until they got off stage. One girl was so bad (and terrifying) that I don't even think she made any money during her routine. Even the guys we were with were like "these strippers suck." Also several of them said that these strippers looked like coke-whores and needed to eat a cheeseburger, which made me happy.

We found out later that there was no alcohol in the beer at the strip club either, which is a shitty way to get your strippers tips- if you ask me. I headed home after the strip club ending up in bed at 3 a.m. Several of my other coworkers didn't make it in until 5:30.
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