Close Encounters of the Burnout Kind

 I'm now officially working my 11th day in a row without a day off, and I'm exhausted.

See I started working a second job because I'm not making enough money at my primary job to pay everything I have to pay. The dogs need to go to the vet, I need new tires on my car and I've been wearing the same pair of contacts since January. So I got a second job waitressing. I typically only wait tables on Sunday at a breakfast joint but this week they needed me on Saturday too, so haiii overworked. Unfortunately even with all the extra hours (56 hours this week), I'm still too broke to do anything. Frankly, it kinda fucking sucks. I love my primary job but at what point does doing something you love become a hindrance to living? I always said I'd rather be poor doing something I love than rich doing something I hate. But right now I'd like to be able to buy a goddamn pair of new jeans instead of sewing the holes in my old ones.

Also thank god I live at the beach, because its an endless source of entertainment and its free. Not that I have gotten to see much of it recently, but IMac is determined to drag me out to it every Saturday from now until the end of summer. So wohoo for actually having a tan this year!

In unrelated news: for the 4th month in a row I have been nominated by my lovely Nip Cliquers for Featured Blogger of the Month at 20Something- Bloggers. So I wanted to thank them for being the awesomestly awesome friends they are because they keep nominating me even though I continuously lose. Seriously guys, you rock my socks and I love you, but lets face it: I am never going to win and you might want to find a more suitable candidate for next month.
 
For those of you wondering what I thought about the winner of this season of Project Runway, don't worry I have a whole diatribe coming for that. I just have to find the time to get all my homicidal thoughts into words.

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Where is the Tequila?

It's been like a super frustrating couple of weeks at work and while I'm not going to go into the details here, it has been a very trying last couple of days. So trying that it ended up on Facebook, where my friends Nugs and G-Fab reminded me that nobody knows me better than my friends. Here is the proof:

*Names have been changed to protect the Innocent

I was seriously pulling out my second batch of peanut butter cookies when G-fab wrote that. I then took them over to IMac's house because I know I was driving him crazy with all this work stress, and I'd like him not to dump me anytime soon. Also he made me dinner (it was hamburger helper, but its still adorable) and I think I threatened to get him drunk and marry him.

In other news, it was Lil' Miss Sis's 5th birthday this weekend and we took her to Medieval Times Saturday Night, which she loved. Also UNC_Sis and I were like "Yes, we got the hot knight!" Then we had her birthday party on Sunday, which was fun and crazy because anytime I'm with my sisters its a little crazy. It's not that I don't love them, its just that they are loud and young and after a few hours I'm ready for peace and quiet. I consider them to be the Best. Birthcontrol. Ever.

Anyways, the short of it is: My life is crazy but its bound to get better soon. How are you guys doing?

EDIT: Also if you didn't know, there is now a Facebook Fan page for my blog. So like me there too (because I'm a whore for attention)!

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Guys Are Weird or Don't Be a Crazy Bitch

Okay so I realized recently that boys are just wired differently than girls. Where as girls are constantly fretting about what some guy is thinking and worried about doing shit wrongs, guys just aren't. I was having this convo with my home girl Nugs the other day and she was being her normal completely delusional paranoid self because she always has to message some guy she likes first, even though its been like 4 days and even though he always invites her out to do things with him and shit. And I was like "bitch, he doesn't even know that you always message him first. Unless your going psycho crazy and messaging him 30 times a day before he responds to the first text. It's not even a blip on his system."

And its not, If I haven't learned anything else from dating the Internet Magician its that guys don't pay that much attention. I could probably wear the same shirt 4 days in a row before IMac would even notice. Sexy underwear? Ha, I don't even think he looks at my underwear as he's trying to get it off me. Guys just aren't wired for details.

I was laying in bed with IMac the other day and he had one of those far off looks in his eyes that girls always think is so meaningful and that he must be thinking something amazing. You know the kind of look that prompts a girl to ask "what are you thinking about?" And I went to ask that very question before I realized I knew what he was thinking about: Coffee. No guy is having deep emotional thoughts about their lives at 10 am, they are thinking "damn I got to get out of bed and turn on the coffee pot."

So next time you are wondering what your boyfriend is thinking about, here's handy little chart to tell you:

*results may vary

The thing is girls spend soooo much time worry about things that are retard and I'm guilty of it too. I'm guilty of blowing something small like a guy eating cookies (OMG who baked him cookies? He doesn't have a sister. Who else is baking for him? - Bitch they are probably a package of store bought Oreos) totally out of proportion and making it about something that its not. I'm totally guilty of being paranoid about things. I wake up every morning expecting IMac to be like "Yeah I'm done with you." You just have to realize, this shits all in your own head. No guy is going to dump you for being into him, not if he's into you. Guys are going to dump you for being an overly-paranoid, insecure, self-sabotaging crazy bitch though.

So don't be that girl. Take some Xanax and keep your crazy paranoia to yourself.

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Coyote Tits vs. The First Date

Okay, I've been holding onto this story for about 2 months now because I didn't know where this relationship was going and I didn't want to screw it up by blogging about it too soon. I still don't know where this relationship is going but I've gotten permission from the new guy I'm seeing to blog about him, so there is no point in holding back now.

So introducing the "Internet Magician" (IMac for short).  He builds websites and writes scripts and generally makes the internet do whatever I want, hence the title "Internet Magician." He thinks its cute that it takes me 3 hours to figure out how to center a banner image in the HTML for my blog, because it would take him 3.5 seconds.

Anyways our first date was like a complete travesty, in he-failed-so-miserably-it-was-almost-cute way. So it was the beginning of January and he asked me if I wanted to grab a drink with him over the weekend. This seemed like normal friendly behavior and whatnot so I was all "sure if you want." So he calls me on Saturday and he's hanging out at his boss's house, who obviously I know and invites me over there. Which of course sent me into complete panic fits because I can go out in public and have a drink; but inviting me over to someone else's house who I only kinda know, and god knows how many other people are going to be there causes me to hyperventilate because I am oh-so-socially-awkward and don't know how to act in public.

So I head over to his bosses house and luckily for me its just him and his boss, and his boss is nerdy and cool and we generally get along. So we hang out there for a little while before we leave and I figured we'd head to a bar, but IMac is like my apartment is right around the corner, lets just go watch a movie. Now the skeptical girl I am knows better than to go back to some guys apartment on the first date, but considering Imac has kept more than 5 feet away from me the whole night, I wasn't too worried. Plus the boy is about my height and weight, so I'm figuring I can take him if I have too.

So we go back to his apartment, crash on his couch and watch tv. And by crash on his couch I mean he sits as far away as humanly possible from me on an L shaped couch. I mean the boy didn't come within 3 feet of touching me the entire night. I was starting to think I had caught a rare case of adult cooties or something. We talked about general stuff, but didn't really flirt at all and I figured he just liked me as a friend. Whatever, that takes the pressure off me to be sexy funny normal flirty back. Anyways about 2 hours has passed give or take of us vegging on his couch watching tv and talking when he turns to me and says "You want to go fool around in my room?"

"You want to go fool around in my room." I'm pretty sure I looked like this right after he said that:

I was completely in shock, because you know NORMAL GUYS DON'T SAY THAT. I remember thinking "Is he serious? Is he implying what I think he's implying and does that line ever work?" So I'm in shock and I'm thinking all this when I realize he's actually looking at me and expecting an answer so I managed to squeak out an "No, I think I'm good here," in like my Alvin and the chipmunk voice. I realize I should have been more like this:

But I'm pretty sure I was in too much shock to play cool on that one. For his part he mostly shrugged his shoulder and went back to watching TV. Let me reiterate that he hadn't come within 3 feet on me the entire night, not even within arms distance of me when he said that. It wasn't like I had been sitting on his lap making out with him. In his defense, he had been drinking and probably had about 6-8 beers at this point. So his brain function was probably minimal. Anyways I left about 30-45 minutes later and pretty much laughed my entire drive home.

It was such a spectacular failure and he was so in earnest about everything that I ended up giving him a second chance, which ended up being a week and a half of second chances and mixed signals between him and I before I finally got fed up and was like "dude are you into me or not?" Which he replied he was and everything has been copacetic since them. For the record he has more than made up for his abysmal start, but I still bust his balls over it ALL.THE.TIME. Cause a line as perfect as "you want to go fool around in my room" is too perfect to not be made fun of.

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Because My Favorite Subject is Myself

So I know i've been on a blogging hiatus for about a month now, and I'm sure none of you noticed I was gone was missed (at least my ego driven brain tells me that). Before you guy start nominating me for worst blogger ever I will remind you that Nugs hasn't blogged in like 6 months and therefore I can only be first runner up.

Anyways, my home girl Lor at Late to the Party tagged me in this Meme and since my favorite topic is project runway, history, my boobs, myself, I must acquiesce to her demands. So here I go:

1.) If you could change your name to anything, what would it be and why?
Hmmm.... I have a very original name. It's not a bad name, its just different and spelled funny and people have always mispronounced it. So I always thought about changing my name as a kid, but I could never decide on one name. I think Georgiana Dove, Annabelle and Dixie Marie all make my list but ultimately I think I would go with Elena (even though I'm not Spanish at all) .

2.) Were you ever teased in school and for what?
All the time. I was the quintessential nerd girl. I had big frizzy curly hair,coke-bottle glasses and acne and my head was always in a book. I was weird and kooky and danced to the beat of my own drummer. I spent grades 6-8 being teased by just about everyone. It sucked but I'm better off for it, cause I have no problem telling people to kiss my ass now.  

3.) At what age was your first kiss? Tell us the story.
14, it was after my first date with my high school boyfriend. It was right outside the door of my house and I'm pretty sure his parents were watching (they were sitting in the car, which is strange in retrospect because he was 16 and had a drivers license.

 4.) What's your favorite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon?
Lay in bed- sleeping and reading a book. Unfortunately I have to waitress every sunday morning and don't get home until 3.  

5.) We're all out at karaoke together. Which song do you choose to sing?
I don't really sing, in general, because I suck at it. But if I'm forced its either going to be Bleed it Out by Linkin Park or Redneck Woman by Gretchen Wilson.

 6.) You are writing your memoir. What's the title?
And this is why I'm crazy Volume I  

7.) Dean Cain and I are going to grant you whatever super power you want. What do you choose?
Oooooh. I want the superpower to turn tree leaves into money. Do we consider that a superpower?

 8.) You leave the house without your cell phone in the morning. Do you go back for it?

Depends on how far away from the house I am. If its going to take me more than 5 minutes to go back to the house and get it, I'll just leave it at home. I work on the internet, people can get a hold of me that way.  

9.) You can only watch one TV show for the rest of your life. Which do you choose?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer - just enough action, romance and comedy to keep me happy.  

10.) You can only read one book for the rest of your life. Which do you choose?
Just one? Does the complete Jane Austen collection count as one book?  

11.) What food is definitely going to be served in hell?
Mushrooms with hot dogs and warm PBR

Keep reading after the Jump to see if you got tagged!

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