Monday, December 31, 2012

OPEN LETTER: Christmas Edition

So driving 12 hours to Florida and then 12 hours home from Florida gave me ample ammunition of things to snark about. Also some of my various runnings-around during the trip helped me out. So here are just a few open letters from my travels.

Dear Fast Food Restaurants: If every god damn rest stop in Florida can have Wi-Fi, there is no excuse for you not to have it too. I will choose McDonald's over you every time just so I can check my damn email. So please get on the bandwagon and get some Wi-Fi, I assure you it can only help your business.

Dear South Carolina Department of Transportation: Why is it that every state around us can have 3 lanes in each direction on I-95 and yet we can only have two? I realize that SC is not only like 50th in everything in the nation, and also incredibly poor, but seriously do you have any idea how much that is going to help the flow of traffic in the state? I mean the sheer volume of bumper to bumper traffic I saw coming home was ridiculous and not to mention I-95 always backs up around the exits. A third lane is really going to alleviate that problem. Make it happen, you cheap bastards.

Dear Best Buy Employees: I realize that the week during and after Christmas are the most miserable weeks for working. I also realize that working in customer service can fucking suck balls and that you don't get paid on commission. But please try to keep the eye-rolling and acting like you would rather be getting a root canal than helping me to a minimum when I'm trying to buy a computer.

Dear Customers: Do Not Bitch that the store is out of something two days before Christmas. ITS.TWO.MOTHERFUCKING.DAYS.BEFORE.CHRISTMAS! It's your own fault that you didn't get that toy, movie, DVD player, candy, wrapping paper, pie, etc in a reasonable time frame. It's not like you woke up today, looked at the calender and was like "oh shit Christmas is in two days!" I mean everything on tv, radio and stores have been inundating you for like two months. I can't tell you how many times I had to tell my mom to stop bitching, it was her own damn fault that Wal-mart didn't have something when she could have got it weeks ago.

**Addendum: Also don't bitch about lines. It's two days before Christmas, you think you're the only idiot who didn't get something in time? Shut the fuck up.

Dear LG: What the fuck man? I was so excited for the Blu-Ray player that my sister got me for Christmas. I mean my previous DVD player was:
1). Ancient
b). A DVD/VHS player and the VHS side didn't work anymore
Mongoose). The remote control stopped working 2 years ago.

Needless to say I was ready to hook that sucker up the moment I got home. Imagine my surprise and sadness when I realized that not only does the Blu-Ray player not come with cords to hook it up to the tv, but it also only has two options: HDMI and coaxil. What the Hell? No RCA cables? Fine, I pull out my coaxils only to realize the input on the back is smaller than a normal size coaxil, meaning I have no fucking way to hook it up the TV. You greedy bastards. Was that your ingenious plan to sell more HDMI Cables? I can just hear you cackling now "we're just not going to give them a way to hook up the Blu-Ray player then those assholes will have to buy new cables bwahahahahah." You Suck.

Any open letters you have from this holiday season?
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