Irrational InsecuritiesSometimes I am insecure about things that are completely irrational. This isn't at all like being irrational afraid of things like Alpacas and Sock Monkeys like Nugs. This is about being insecure about things that are completely ridiculous.
Case in Point: So I was talking to a fellow bloggy buddy Gina from over at This is Not Your Blog about the novels we are writing, and I was telling her how I don't like to talk about them. People know that I am writing a novel but nobody knows what it is about. Imac has prodded me about it several times and I've told him almost nothing about it. It's just that I'm convinced that people are going to be like "that is the stupidest idea ever" and while I'm cool with potential publishers telling me that, actual friends and family saying that to me would probably make me cry. Also I don't want to hear the inevitable "Why don't you give up these pipe dreams and do something real with your life?" that I'm probably going to get from family.
Second Case in Point: I got hired for a new job. You would think I would be ecstatic and screaming it from the rooftops right? No more waiting tables.
Don't get me wrong I am ecstatic about the new job. It's just such an awesome amazing job with perks and salary that I'm having a hard time believing its true. You know the whole "if it sounds too good to be true it probably is" thing. I keep waiting to show up to work on Tuesday and them to be like "yeah we went in a different direction. Your services are no longer needed." I'm afraid to even post it on Facebook for fear something is going to go wrong between now and then. I'm not entirely sure writing it here isn't going to completely jinx me.
I kind of have a history of doing this. I spent the better part of grad school thinking I was a complete fraud and waiting for the school to realize I wasn't nearly as smart or talented as I acted like I was and for them to kick me out. Sometimes insecurity rears its ugly head at those moments I have to remember this:
Now where is my sugar spoon at....