Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The 80s Called and Asked That You Stop

So now that I am no longer working as a writer it is back to the waitressing grind for me. I don't mind it so much. I make almost as much as I made as a writer but I get off by 3 pm everyday and have two days off a week, which means I finally feel like I am starting to make progress on that novel I am writing (72 pages done!!). My dogs have seen so much of me recently they don't even care when I am home anymore.

The great thing about waitressing is that I am back dealing with the public which gives me plenty of opportunity to snark at things.  Labor days was no different. It was tourist central up in Popular Tourist Trap land that I live in and they gave me plenty to work with.

First up is my family of hillbillies: I knew this family was going to be interesting when I got to the table and the guy had a mullet straight out of 1982.


To make matters worse, mullet guy was rocking a dangly cross earring in his ear to. Dear Sir: NO. So I go to take their drink order and there are 3 adults and 4 kids (please note these kids were between the ages of 7-16) sitting at the table and I get to the kids and this little exchanged happens:

Me: Drink?
Kid 1-4: Dr. Pepper
Me: We don't have Dr. Pepper
Kids 1,2,4: Mr. Pibb
Me: We don't have Mr. Pibb
Kids 1 & 3: Mello Yellow
Me: We don't have it. Coke, Diet, Coke, Cherry Coke, Sprite, Root Beer.
Kid 1: Mountain Dew
Me: We don't have it
Kid 3: What do you have
Me (through gritted teeth): Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Cherry Coke, Root Beer

I finally get their drink order (BTW the parents ordered water and brought their own crystal light to mix in the glasses) and then I have the struggle of taking the food order because they told me they were ready which actually meant "We haven't even looked at the menu but we don't want you to leave the table and do anything else." 20 minutes later and about 400 questions later I had the food order.

Then I bring the food out and if nothing else about a table drives me nuts, its when they need 800 things to eat their food. You do not need a whole bowl of powdered sugar, cinnamon, 3 syrups and 5 packets of butter to eat 2 slices of french toast. Maybe its me, but I actually like my food to taste like what its supposed to taste like and not 30 pounds of condiments. Also these people left me a 4 dollar tip in cash and 5 in credit card, on a 70 dollar check. SO.NOT.WORTH.IT

Anyways among the other fun labor day weekend patrons was an American girl with two Ukrainian guys. This wouldn't have been notable except she wore a white bikini, flip flops and a black see-through sweater which she didn't have closed or buttoned or anything. I mean who goes out to breakfast in their bikini with nothing over it. I mean yeah we're in beach town but weird. Also she told the guys to leave a tip and they threw down like 15 bucks and she left to do something, and they took back everything at left my coworker a 3 dollar tip. Seriously guys?

Also I had a foreign table (from Africa, although I don't know which country but it was definitely a former British colony) who asked me where to buy "one of those bags I see everyone wearing around their waists?" It took me a minute to realize they meant a fanny pack and I stifled down a laugh and then pointed them in the direction of wal-mart.


My general consensus of the weekend was that the 80s called and asked that people stop stealing their look. So what did you do for Labor Day Weekend?

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