Monday, June 18, 2012

Are You Chained In A Basement?

So in my single-girl world, I have been out dating and whats-not. I don't normally bring up random guys I'm not seriously dating on this blog, but this guy is special. I met him on one of those free online dating sites I keep profiles on, mostly to use as blog fodder here. He seemed sweet enough from his profile. He had two bachelors degrees and was going back to school to get his teaching license so he could teach Middle School English. He listed a ton of great books that he had read and liked, and in this town people who read things like The Great Gatsby and Fahrenheit 451 are scarce. So I agreed to meet him for drinks Thursday night and gave him my phone number.

He promptly spent all day Tuesday texting me. The boy blew up my phone, to the point that he was spending me 3 texts for every 1 of mine. But the conversation was pretty normal and he seemed like a nice, intelligent guy- so I overlooked it. Until around 4 o'clock when he asked me permission to go to work.


Red Flag #1. I just looked at my phone when he sent that and was like WTF. I'm sorry you are a grown ass man in your mid-20s, you don't need my permission to go to work. But I thought, maybe he was just trying to be polite and tell me he wouldn't be texting me that much because he was going to work.

But then he texted me on his break...and again when he got off work, which was right around the time I was going to bed. So I politely sent him a text saying I was going to bed and it was nice talking to him. When he responded with, "Okay, it was nice talking to you. I'll text you in the morning." -Red Flag #2.

At that point I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed by this guy, so I sent him back a politely worded text that said something like "Listen, you seem like a really sweet guy, but you are coming on way too strong and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed here." He apologized and then let me go to bed. Wednesday was better, he texted me less but he was still texting me things like: "How is your day going? I'm thinking about going to the beach, what do you think? I'm really looking forward to meeting you tomorrow."- Red Flag #3.  At this point I realized that I was dealing with a Stage 5 Clinger.


By this point I couldn't get out of the date, and I would feel like an awful bitch standing someone up. Plus he seemed like a generally nice, sweet guy and I thought "Go, maybe he will be normal." Except he texted me twice that day telling me how excited he was to meet me and then a half an hour before the date he texted me to tell me he was leaving to come meet me.

And for the most part he was normal, except that he must have told me how pretty/smart/great I was like 15 times in the course of 2 hours. Don't get me wrong I like being complimented, but it was way way too much for a first date. So I was grateful to end the date as early as I could without being mean about it, and immediately called Nugs to tell her everything.

I hadn't even made it home before he texted me again telling me how nice it was to meet me and get to know me. I haven't been returning his texts in the hopes that he gets the hint. I have to say the best part of this whole debacle is the series of texts I have been getting from Nugs about it. Some of her quips include:

  • Are you chained in a basement?
  • Are you still alive? Was he waiting outside with a Photoshop of your first eight kids?
  • If I haven't heard from you in a few days and there's a new purse called The Coyote Rose, I'm putting out an Amber Alert
  • Hiding in the Bushes is the new chocolates. I should know. I mean. Wait.
  • He's like John Cusack in Say Anything, only with a rotting animal carcass

Anyone else ever had a run in with a Stage 5 Clinger?
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