Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Oh Haiii Allergy Season!

So I don't know if I've mentioned it on here before or not that I have like the worlds worst allergies. I'm not kidding, I'm pretty much allergic to everything you can be allergic to (non-food wise). I'm allergic to trees and grass and weeds (except Ragweed- go figure?) and flowers and dust-mites and cats and the list goes on and on. Basically if its green and produces oxygen,  I'm allergic to it. Which makes me all sad panda because I love flowers, but it is a super great excuse to get out of going camping fuck camping I hate that shit, we created indoor plumbing for a reason assholes.

Anyways so every spring and every fall, I fall prey to the allergy monster and he makes me his bitch. I wake up with a stuffy nose, itchy eyes and throat and a headache that makes me want to take a hammer to my forehead. If the allergies get really bad my entire right jaw will swell up, but luckily I have chubby-chipmunk cheeks already so you can't really tell.

Also every year to combat my allergies I end up having a week where I do this drug cocktail. It consists of me waking up and taking Aleve Cold & Sinus D, which has pseudoephedrine aka the stuff used to make crystal meth in it, and then taking Benadryl at night. So basically its get up - take an upper and then go to bed -take a downer. Listen don't bother telling me how this is bad for me. I know its bad for me. I'm sure I am doing all sorts of irreparable damage to my liver and other organs. You want to know what is also bad for me? Going into a homicidal rage because my allergies make me want to hurt myself and others.

The worst part is actually that I am so sensitive to medication (because I never take any ever) that when i take my Aleve Cold & Sinus, I'm pretty much putting myself on speed. And trust me, it feels like it. I basically get all twitchy, feel like running a marathon, I'm unable to concentrate for an hour and when that wears off I'm become super focused and get like a million things done. I've already gotten more work done in four hours today, than I normally do in a full day. I feel like Tweak from South Park.

Which of course then I take the Benadryl and I'm all passed out in bed at like 9:30 pm, and groggy the next morning until my upper kicks in. It's really not a good system to have. But its the only thing that works to combat my allergies, you know except going to a doctor and getting allergy pills. But I'm poor and don't have medical insurance so the chances of that happening are slim to Kurt Cobain coming back from the dead.
So does anyone else have a fun drug cocktail? Or shitty allergies?

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