Thursday, March 8, 2012

Guys Are Weird or Don't Be a Crazy Bitch

Okay so I realized recently that boys are just wired differently than girls. Where as girls are constantly fretting about what some guy is thinking and worried about doing shit wrongs, guys just aren't. I was having this convo with my home girl Nugs the other day and she was being her normal completely delusional paranoid self because she always has to message some guy she likes first, even though its been like 4 days and even though he always invites her out to do things with him and shit. And I was like "bitch, he doesn't even know that you always message him first. Unless your going psycho crazy and messaging him 30 times a day before he responds to the first text. It's not even a blip on his system."

And its not, If I haven't learned anything else from dating the Internet Magician its that guys don't pay that much attention. I could probably wear the same shirt 4 days in a row before IMac would even notice. Sexy underwear? Ha, I don't even think he looks at my underwear as he's trying to get it off me. Guys just aren't wired for details.

I was laying in bed with IMac the other day and he had one of those far off looks in his eyes that girls always think is so meaningful and that he must be thinking something amazing. You know the kind of look that prompts a girl to ask "what are you thinking about?" And I went to ask that very question before I realized I knew what he was thinking about: Coffee. No guy is having deep emotional thoughts about their lives at 10 am, they are thinking "damn I got to get out of bed and turn on the coffee pot."

So next time you are wondering what your boyfriend is thinking about, here's handy little chart to tell you:

*results may vary
The thing is girls spend soooo much time worry about things that are retard and I'm guilty of it too. I'm guilty of blowing something small like a guy eating cookies (OMG who baked him cookies? He doesn't have a sister. Who else is baking for him? - Bitch they are probably a package of store bought Oreos) totally out of proportion and making it about something that its not. I'm totally guilty of being paranoid about things. I wake up every morning expecting IMac to be like "Yeah I'm done with you." You just have to realize, this shits all in your own head. No guy is going to dump you for being into him, not if he's into you. Guys are going to dump you for being an overly-paranoid, insecure, self-sabotaging crazy bitch though.

So don't be that girl. Take some Xanax and keep your crazy paranoia to yourself.
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