Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Coyote Tits vs. The First Date

Okay, I've been holding onto this story for about 2 months now because I didn't know where this relationship was going and I didn't want to screw it up by blogging about it too soon. I still don't know where this relationship is going but I've gotten permission from the new guy I'm seeing to blog about him, so there is no point in holding back now.

So introducing the "Internet Magician" (IMac for short).  He builds websites and writes scripts and generally makes the internet do whatever I want, hence the title "Internet Magician." He thinks its cute that it takes me 3 hours to figure out how to center a banner image in the HTML for my blog, because it would take him 3.5 seconds.

Anyways our first date was like a complete travesty, in he-failed-so-miserably-it-was-almost-cute way. So it was the beginning of January and he asked me if I wanted to grab a drink with him over the weekend. This seemed like normal friendly behavior and whatnot so I was all "sure if you want." So he calls me on Saturday and he's hanging out at his boss's house, who obviously I know and invites me over there. Which of course sent me into complete panic fits because I can go out in public and have a drink; but inviting me over to someone else's house who I only kinda know, and god knows how many other people are going to be there causes me to hyperventilate because I am oh-so-socially-awkward and don't know how to act in public.

So I head over to his bosses house and luckily for me its just him and his boss, and his boss is nerdy and cool and we generally get along. So we hang out there for a little while before we leave and I figured we'd head to a bar, but IMac is like my apartment is right around the corner, lets just go watch a movie. Now the skeptical girl I am knows better than to go back to some guys apartment on the first date, but considering Imac has kept more than 5 feet away from me the whole night, I wasn't too worried. Plus the boy is about my height and weight, so I'm figuring I can take him if I have too.

So we go back to his apartment, crash on his couch and watch tv. And by crash on his couch I mean he sits as far away as humanly possible from me on an L shaped couch. I mean the boy didn't come within 3 feet of touching me the entire night. I was starting to think I had caught a rare case of adult cooties or something. We talked about general stuff, but didn't really flirt at all and I figured he just liked me as a friend. Whatever, that takes the pressure off me to be sexy funny normal flirty back. Anyways about 2 hours has passed give or take of us vegging on his couch watching tv and talking when he turns to me and says "You want to go fool around in my room?"


"You want to go fool around in my room." I'm pretty sure I looked like this right after he said that:


I was completely in shock, because you know NORMAL GUYS DON'T SAY THAT. I remember thinking "Is he serious? Is he implying what I think he's implying and does that line ever work?" So I'm in shock and I'm thinking all this when I realize he's actually looking at me and expecting an answer so I managed to squeak out an "No, I think I'm good here," in like my Alvin and the chipmunk voice. I realize I should have been more like this:


But I'm pretty sure I was in too much shock to play cool on that one. For his part he mostly shrugged his shoulder and went back to watching TV. Let me reiterate that he hadn't come within 3 feet on me the entire night, not even within arms distance of me when he said that. It wasn't like I had been sitting on his lap making out with him. In his defense, he had been drinking and probably had about 6-8 beers at this point. So his brain function was probably minimal. Anyways I left about 30-45 minutes later and pretty much laughed my entire drive home.

It was such a spectacular failure and he was so in earnest about everything that I ended up giving him a second chance, which ended up being a week and a half of second chances and mixed signals between him and I before I finally got fed up and was like "dude are you into me or not?" Which he replied he was and everything has been copacetic since them. For the record he has more than made up for his abysmal start, but I still bust his balls over it ALL.THE.TIME. Cause a line as perfect as "you want to go fool around in my room" is too perfect to not be made fun of.
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