Project Runway: I Just Can't Quit You

I know I swore off blogging Project Runway after season 8 ended in the most ridiculously wrong winner in the history of the show. Frankly, season 9 wasn't much better and while my mother and I have finished feuding over whether or not Anya should have won (she made the same dress like 20 times, that is not innovative!), I'm still bitter over how much Lifetime has ruined my once beloved show.

That being said I would be downright lying if I didn't admit that the up-coming Project Runway All-Stars has me all twitterpated. I mean look at this cast:

Austin Scarlett! Kenley! Anthony! Michael Costello! Rami! Mondo! Sweet Pea! Jerell!

Now I don't love all the choices. I would much rather see season 4's Jillian; season 3's Uli, Kayne and Mychael Knight; Season 2's Daniel Vosovic and Nick Verros; or seasons 6's Carol Hannah. But I can't always have everything I want.

That being said I am toying with the idea of blogging this season. I can't promise it won't make me homicidal. Yes, her royal snarly-face Nina and Queen of Snark Michael Kors won't be there. And neither will my beloved Tim Gunn or Heidi, apparently Project Runway All-Stars was taped as concurrently with Project Runway Season 9 and the judges couldn't do both shows. Even with Nina and Michael gone, they replaced them with Issac Mizrahi- who is by far the most annoying judge of anything ever (see The Fashion Show).

I don't know, should I give the show one last go-around?

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SUNDAY PIC: Christmas Survivor 2011

For long time readers of my blog, you guys already know that at my house on Christmas we play a little game we call "Christmas Survivor" (Really it should be called Christmas Minute to Win it now, but that doesn't have the same ring to it). For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, please see the previous posts on the subject. Onto this year's games:

Challenge One: Stack 7 Ding-Dongs on your head using only one hand. Ding-Dongs must stay there for 3 seconds with touching it.

Soooo much harder than it looks

How cute is Lil' Miss Sis trying though?

Challenge Two: Wrap a roll of toilet paper around yourself by keeping your hands at your side and spinning in circles.

We both couldn't stand up  straight after this

Challenge Three: Using only a Pizza Box, fan an egg from one end of the kitchen to a designated square at the other end.

Lil' Miss Sis and Baby Sis had to try this one too

And then Baby Sis put the box on top of her egg and smushed it

And while I mastered the first challenge (only after getting chocolate in my contacts and getting supremely pissed off), UNC-Sis took challenge's two and three in nail-biter contests. She got a Turbie-Twist hair towel.

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Shit Has Been Making Me Irrationally Crazy

This time of year always brings out the totally bat-shit crazy side of me. I always have 8 million things going on and then Christmas Shopping is never easy for me, so at any moment my head is likely doing this:

Which means any number of things that wouldn't even register on my radar normally, cause me to completely freak out and want to kill someone. So please don't do any of these things in my presence or online until well after the New Year, kthanx?

1. The word is ANGEL not Angle. Angle is something you use in geometry. It is not the winged thing that sits in heaven. It is not the costume. Your sweetheart 4 year old is not a "little angle" unless she's part of an isosceles triangle. Please learn the correct spelling bitches.


2. Leaving the fucking shopping cart in the middle of the aisle so it is blocking everyone's way. Like way to be inconsiderate douchebags. If you haven't noticed every store is packed because its fucking Christmas time! So please make it that much harder for me to get my hands on that precious Lalaloopsy doll so that I beat you to death with it, after I wrestle it out of the hands of some 72 year old granny with no teeth.


3. The kids that drive my dogs crazy. Listen I'm about to sound like a 90 year old man shaking a stick in my front yard or something, so I apologize in advance for that. But I live in an apartment complex and there are these young teenage - early 20s kids who hang out on the stairwell out front of my apartment. Which would be fine but they are always knocking on the wall, or the door or making loud stomping noises or getting into fights right outside of my door. This would all be well and good except everytime they do one of these things my dogs lose it and proceed to bark their fucking puppy brains out. And the minute I get the dogs to stop, the kids do something to start them back up again. I spend between 1-3 hours a night just trying to get my damn dogs to stop barking. Also, its fucking cold out- can't these kids go inside.


4. Dear members of my family, please stop making it hard to shop for you. Have some god-damn hobbies so that I can buy you things. Personally I'm not crazy about buying people an Outback gift card every Christmas. You have to like something besides food!

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Why Your Online Dating Emails Suck (Part 2)

So some time ago circa July 2010 I wrote a blog telling people why their online dating emails suck in the hopes that people would stop sending out sucky messages. Unfortunately people have not heeded my advice and the emails have gotten worse, also so have the profiles. So in the spirit of Christmas, pull up a chair and I will help the needy know why they suck again.

 1. If something like this is written on your profile:

~#Dating site logic dictates that the women on this site have no time for an intelligent and hard working guy so carry on elsewhere ;)#~

Nothing about that sentence makes me want to message you. It screams "Bitter party of one right here." Lets just insult every woman on the site, that's going to guarantee you get laid right? Listen, dating fuck sucks. There is a lot of rejection and women are bitches and men are just out to screw you.  But you can't say that in a dating profile! Also you can't say this either:

Hey any keepers out there? Why is dating in [redacted] so hard!? I hate Fake people!!! I'm not into plus size girls No Drama or games please

Wow, there is so much wrong in those sentences I don't know where to begin. Obviously there are no keepers out there or at least ones that aren't up to his standards. Also this is all his profile says. He doesn't say anything about  why he's single or what he does for hobbies or why he's a great guy. He's too busy judging women as fake or drama queens to actually you know have a coherent thought about himself. No girl is going to read this and think "I want to know him better." Also the random capitalization just makes me want to shank him.

2. Your using your cellphone/mirror to take a picture of yourself:

This guarantees I will not respond to a guy's message. First of all, dumbassess, if you own a camera that was made post 2001 it has a self-timer function on it. Learn how to use it, love it, because it will make you look like less of a dumbass. Nothing is more retarded looking than seeing someone's phone/camera in a picture of them. I don't even pay attention to the person's face in these pictures. I'm too busy playing "guess that model of phone."

Also all it does is suggest to me that you don't have any friends to take your picture. Because if you own a cellphone or camera and you have friends, 10-1 some drunk female friend of yours is going to be all "OMG lets take a picture!!!" How do I know this? Because I'm female and I have those drunks friends, and nobody leaves their house without a phone.

3. Your message contains less than 4 words in it:

Yesterday alone, I received 4 messages that didn't have a complete sentence in it. "Hey" and "Whats up" are not proper messages. All that suggests is that these men took one look at my picture and thought "I'd probably bang her" and sent me a message. Listen boys I'm not going to put in any more effort than you did. I quickly clicked delete and moved on with my life. Next time try reading the girls profile and picking out something interesting about her and then send a message with a question in it. Girls love talking about themselves, give them a reason to.

Also "You're pretty, wanna chat?" is also not going to illicit a response except for me to go take anti-nausea medicine so I don't vomit all over myself. I don't want to chat with you assholes, I don't even know you. And frankly if thats the most scintillating conversation you can muster, you won't last 3 seconds in a chat room with me.

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Confession: Bah Humbug and Shit

Confession: I've been a bit of a scrooge this year. It's 17 days until Christmas and I haven't put up my tree, or bought a single present yet. I haven't even bought a package of cherry candy canes, and I love those things.

The thing is normally I love Christmas. While I don't believe in putting my tree up in the beginning of November and leaving it up until the end of the January, I do normally have my tree up by now. I love Christmas because I love the presents. Not so much the receiving of presents which makes me feel awkward and selfish and weird, but because I love buying presents and giving presents. I love picking out wrapping paper and making silly little bows and wrapping the presents and the glitter, oh the glitter. Gay men are the only people that love glittery wrapping paper more than me. I love decorating the Christmas tree, because its more shiny and glittery and twinkly stuff, and frankly my apartment is in desperate need of some glitter and sparkle.

For whatever reason this year, I just haven't been in the Christmas mood. I'm pretty sure most of the blame goes to the fact that I have about 52 bucks in my checking account right now (YA! for payday tomorrow). But I am bound and determined to get into the Christmas spirit this weekend if it kills me and it might! Because if I don't get into the spirit soon, I'm totally going to be the biggest Scrooge on Christmas and my mother will probably beat me to death.

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SUNDAY PIC: Eat Me!

It's Christmas time which means gingerbread houses! Here are some super cool pop-culture ones. They are too awesome to eat!

The House from UP!

An AT-AT from Star Wars

Angry Birds

How awesome are those? That takes more skill and patience than I have. See the full list of Awesome pop-culture gingerbread houses at Flavorwire.

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Geeky Gifts

I realize I haven't been around a lot recently. I'm settling in at my new full-time job of being the lead writer for a  news/advertising/tourist website. It's a small company that does a lot of things, so I wear a lot of hats and I go to a lot of meetings. But I totally love every second of it.

Which doesn't mean I'm not paying attention to the fact that Christmas is right around the corner (trust me my pocketbook knows). So I thought I'd share five geeky things I want for Christmas. In no particular order:

Floppy Disk Sticky Notes 

(How cute are those? This coming from someone who remembers using floppy disks) 

 

 

Lego Storage Boxes

Han Solo in Carbonite Ice Cube Trays

(Because those are vital to every party)

Star Wars Trash Compacter Bookends 

(Because there isn't enough Star Wars in my house already)

Mushroom Tap Light

(No house is complete without a little Mario)

Now that I have given you my geeky list, I hope you all still pretend to respect me in the morning.

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