SUNDAY PIC: The Occupy Edition

Whatever your thoughts on the Occupy Wall Street movement are, you have to admit it's created a lot of funny pictures.

It's the American Way to mock ourselves, y'all.

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Under the Covers: Books That Suck (and not in a good way)

So I write a lot of book review on books I love. But I don't love every book I read, in fact I read a lot of crap that sucks and would never suggest anyone else read. So here are some books you don't need to waste your time on:

• Secret Society Girl by Diana Peterfreund- I really loved the concept of this book. Secret Ivy League Societies (think Skull & Bones) start allowing women in. Amy Haskel, who works on the schools literary magazine, gets tapped to join. And this is where my interest in the book ends. Amy is a horribly one-dimensional character. Outside of her annoying mother, we don't know anything about her family, where she grew up, anything about her background at all, and her only hope and dream is to be the editor for Glamour magazine. Amy is wishy-washy about everything and the entire plot is her trying to decide if she wants to be part of the secret society she was tapped for. I stopped reading halfway thru, I couldn't take anymore. 

• Girl's Guide to Witchcraft by Mindy Klasky- This is another book where I loved the concept more tha the book. Fresh off finishing Enchanted, INC, I was desperate for another Fantasy/Chick-Lit book. This one came with really good reviews on Amazon so I indulged. Librarian Jane Madison gets her salary cut by a quarter, but her uber-nice boss lets her live in the library's vacant cottage for free! She finds a mysterious book does some spells and becomes a witch. The problem with this book is that for a librarian Jane is a fricken idiot. The vast majority of the book is spent in a love triangle between Jane, her Warder David and Professor Jason Templeton. The plot is formulaic and I knew the ending about 50 pages into the book. The book had promise but turned into a Bridget Jones Cliche with some witchcraft in it.

• My Summer of Southern Discomfort by Stephanie Gayle- I should have known this book would suck since I bought it for a dollar at a dollar store. But I wanted to like it anyways. It follows Natalie, a liberal Jewish lawyer who takes a position as prosecutor in Georgia after having an affair with a partner at her NY law firm that turns sour. The entire plot of this book was Natalie coming to gripes with trying a death penalty case when she is a Jewish Lawyer who doesn't believe in the death penalty. There is no character development. It's just a girl living an ordinary life. There never feels like there is a climax to this book, heck there isn't really a rising action to this book. The main character never even notices her "love interest" in the book until she finds out he is half Jewish in the last 15 pages of the book. The writing is actually pretty decent, but the entire plot and character development need so much work.

Save your time and effort, don't read these books!

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OPEN LETTER: People of America

Dear Americans:

We are fighting the wrong battle.

Hear me out: I was doing research (read: checking wikipedia) on the Occupy Wall Street movement and I realized we shouldn't be fighting each other. This shouldn't be poor vs. rich, Republican vs. Democrat, Gays vs. Straights. There will always be rich people and there will always be poor people and there will always be people who don't agree with what you believe in. There will always be a difference of opinion. But those aren't the people we should be fighting

We should be fighting Congress.

Those fucking bastards are screwing us over left and right and we are letting them. Think about it. The top 10% richest people in America pay 90% of the taxes (actual statistical fact from a Political Science book). But its not their fault the money doesn't get used well. That's Congress's fault! Congress doesn't spend the money thoughtfully; they spend it on shit to scratch each others backs. Don't believe me? Here are some things Congress has spent money on in the last 20 years**:

• 25 million for an “Arctic region supercomputer" to trap energy from the Aurora Borealis (1992)
• $34 million for screwworm research. Even thought the screwworm has already been eradicated from the United States (1994)
• $1 million for Brown Tree Snake research. The Brown Tree Snake, which is found only in Guam, has not been discovered to be life threatening to humans nor does it have the ability to survive in North America. (1996).
• $100,000 for the preservation and protection of a Revolutionary War gunboat at the bottom of Lake Champlain (1998)
• 3.5 million to refurbish the Vulcan Statue in Birmingham, Alabama (2001 &2002)
• 50 million to build an indoor rainforest in Iowa (2004)
• 25 million for the bridge to nowhere in Alaska (2005)
• 500,000 for the Sparta Teapot Museum in Sparta, North Carolina (2006)
• 98,000 to develop a walking tour of Boydton, Virginia (2008)
• $1.9 million for a water taxi service to Pleasure Beach, Connecticut- population 0 (2009)

And guess what? We voted these assholes into office. Well its high time we take back America from Congress. Tom Jefferson wrote it best "That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it." Well high fucking time we start listening to our forefathers and start abolish this shit. May I suggest:

1. It's high time that the President get a Line-Item Veto: 44 governors have a line-item veto so that they can cut out wasteful spending from otherwise important legislative bills. Congress has tried to do this for the President before but the Supreme Court has overruled it.
2. Term Limits for Congressmen: There is no reason that congressmen should be able to be sitting in congress for 40 plus years. Strom Thurmond was 97 years old sleeping in Congress while shit was going on. Presidents can only be President for 10 years at most. I suggest its high-time that Congress have term limits too (I like 12 or 24 years respectively). Congress shouldn't be a career; it should be a civic duty.

 Alright Americans, lets take back America! Lets tell those assholes in Congress they aren't going to be able to screw us in the ass anymore!

Vote Coyote Tits 2020!

**Most of this information can be found here along with lists of other congressional spending items

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Coyote Tits vs. The New Apartment

So I'm trying out this new post title thing (stolen from Chuck because its like my favorite show ever and because I think the vs. thing is funny). I know I've made a lot of changes recently. I hope you like change, because I sure do and I do it a lot so get used to it. Seriously since I started this blog almost 4 years ago, I think I've gone through something like 15 different layouts, 3 different titles, 7 different taglines and countless other shit.

Other things I've changed lately is housing. I think we all now that I was hating my life losing my mind  wanting to commit homicide living with my parents. Well since I got that shiny new writing job (which I totes love), I have moved into my new apartment. Yes, I've mentioned this before and I've promised to show pictures before (I'm getting around to it I swear), however I'm redecorating my office because the bookshelves I have didn't fit the room and blah blah blah.

Its something like this

Anyways, I've lived in this apartment for about 6 weeks now and its been pretty glorious. I get to dance around my apartment in my underwear. I can sleep in without my sisters waking me up and my dogs aren't confined to a 5x5 foot space all day.

Which doesn't mean it's perfect either. For starters my garbage disposal broke about a week ago and even though I have filed a report with the main office no one has come out even to look at the damn thing. Plus I'm pretty sure that my garbage disposal is connected to my dishwasher because since the disposal broke every time I run the dishwasher nothing seems to be clean. Which means I am washing all my dishes by hand and that very expensive piece of equipment in my kitchen is being reduced to being an overpriced drying rack.

To make matters worse, I don't have a washer and dryer in my apartment. This doesn't bother me that much I just take my clothes to the on-site laundry facility. But low and behold today I walk in with like every piece of clothing I own (because I never get a day off from work) and every single washer is out of order. WTF! I had to wash my work shirts by hand because I didn't have time to drive to an actual laundromat. I think evil bunnies chewed the wiring to the washer so they could have a place to plan world domination.

Because don't they look evil?

Hopefully these people fix this shit soon or I'm going to have to do more bitching and moaning than I normally do.

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The little things that drive you nuts...

Lets be honest: we all have little things that annoy the living shit out of us. Here are some of mine.

• Not being able to get the shower temperature right- Turn the water on and just not quite hot enough so you turn it a little to the left, then its scalding so you move it back to the right, then its not hot enough again so then its a nudge to the left, then a smidge to the right, then a graze to the left, tap to the right, teeny-tiny push to the left. OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD! Why is it so hard to get just the right water temperature in my shower! For the love of all that is holy! (yes, this inspired this post)

• Could the rain not turn my hair into a jewfro- I'm not even Jewish! I've had a long love/hate mostly hate relationship with my hair. But it never fails that when its going to rain my hair goes from a controllable mess to a curly frizzed out ball of red. Come on, I'm one step away from doing the porn version of Annie anyways (You're boner will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar when I blow you, You'll get sprung.... (God I need therapy, also I really hope my mom isn't reading this post)). A whole bottle of hairspray can't even help this shit
•  Assholes who don't use the cart returns- Okay I realize that up north cart returns don't exist, but I live in the South where there is a cart return every 4 feet at Wal-mart, Target, Grocery Stores, etc. Don't be a lazy motherfucker and just leave your cart where ever you feel like it. Do you know how many A+ parking spots I have lost out of because I go to turn into the spot only to see some cart just sitting there blocking my way.
• When my dogs wake me up at 8 am- My fat ass does not get out of bed at 8 am and my dogs know that. So why they seem to thing that jumping on me and licking my face is going to get me out of bed, I will never know. They're adorable little brats but I love my sleep. I'm going to have to put a gate around my bed.

**Also you might have noticed I did some updating to the blog. I'm toying around with the idea of a new title and layout. Feel free to give me feedback and hit up the poll on the right**

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Stop Being Facebook Obnoxious

So there are articles ad nauseum about annoying shit you shouldn't be doing on Facebook. Let me add one more blog post to that list. Although my list is probably going to be very different than everyone elses.

How to be Obnoxious on Facebook:

• Having Duck Lips in every picture- Girls you know what I mean. When you push your lips out, thinking its sexy. Well its not. It makes you look like an idiot. Matchmaker Steve Ward (of vh1's tough love) constantly rails against it on his twitter feed. But even worse guys have even gotten so tired of it, they made this poster. Hell I'm even tired of seeing these faces
• Posting 40 music videos in a row- Listen I get it, you find music inspiring. We all do. But I'm not cluttering up your new feed with the latest Panic at the Disco track, my favorite Fall Out Boy song and the last 3 Linkin Park tracks I listened to. 
•  Stop getting into arguments with the ex-girlfriend/sister/mother of your boyfriend- OMG Self-explanatory. I don't need to see my news feed cluttered up with "OMG this bitch can't get over the fact that he's with me now." That makes you look like an idiot. Even worse is when you and the so-called ex-girlfriend get into a fight on your status feed. You both look like fucking morons for fighting over a guy.
• Stop MommyJacking- Never heard this term? You must be a parent. This website can explain it better than I ever could. I don't even want my mom MommyJacking my Facebook. So you'd best believe I don't care about your precious fucking pumpkins either.
• The 800 random pictures of nothing- I don't want to see your hairy toes. I don't want to see pictures of some cloud you thought was a duck. 32 pictures of that mole on your arm = me hiding you. If your going to post a million pictures at least make them interesting

So what do your friends do on Facebook that you find completely obnoxious?

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Some Pop Culture Notes

Okay, everyone knows I am tv/music/book junkie and I have some pop culture notes that I need to get off my chest:

• Dear NBC: How dare you move back the season 5 premiere of Chuck! I mean considering you've already made this its final season and its only getting 13 episodes leaving it just 9 episodes shy of the 100 episode mark. You're killing me NBC. I need a show that makes it okay for me to be this nerdy and think guys that nerdy are hot
• Dear People who loved Everwood and/or Gilmore Girls: Please watch Hart of Dixie. It's possibly the cutest show on tv right now. Sure, they're no vampires or marital affairs or Sara Michelle Gellar on a bad green screen, but its a wholesome little show and Rachel Bilson is adorable in a way that Zooey Deschenal is not on New Girl.
• Dear Pete Wentz: Stop fucking around and get Fall Out Boy back together already. You've had 2 years of "hiatus" to goof around, have a child, get divorced, host a bad vh1 show- it's time for you to get back to making the music that makes my life a little more bearable. And no that new band you are putting together does not count.
• Dear J.K. Rowling: Will Pottermore get off the ground already? OMG, I am sooooo tired of listening to the hype around it and now you are pushing back the ebook releases for a whole year. Don't be George Lucas- don't milk the same cash cow for the next 50 years. Do some new writing. You're talented, don't let the money make you boring
• Dear George Lucas: I love Stars Wars. I mean its been my favorite movie since I was like 10. Please stop fucking with it. You want to do something that will make Star Wars fans happy? Go back to Han shooting first. Yank out that silly "Noooooo" scream you just added in Return of the Jedi. Destroy all copies of The Phantom Menace. It was perfect the first time. Stop messing with it.

Whew. I feel better now.

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