Don't Poke the Serial Killers

This is an actual message sent to me on Okcupid (for the record this site is a blogging goldmine, which is 3/4ths of the reason i keep an account, cause i sure as hell haven't met any guys off it yet):

Hi there. My name is {redacted} and I am a white guy who lives in {Redacted}, SC. I saw your profile and I really like everything I see and read on there. I am in an open relationship, however, mine is a little complicated. I am dating a wonderful woman who happens to want me to be with other women. She has some emotional and intimacy issues and mentally cannot handle having sex with anyone. Light kissing, hugs & occasional hand holding is about the only physical contact she can handle. Anyways, Here is the main reason I am writing you. We are going to be taking a trip to Myrtle Beach {redacted} for as a late Birthday getaway for me. My girl has a fantasy about watching me with another woman while she "hides" and enjoys the show. I know this is a little weird and all but I like the way you describe yourself and how you look in the photos and I would love it if you would consider joining us for a night of fun. I hope to hear back from you. Take care,

{Redacted}

PS. in case you look over my profile and it reads as single, it is because not too many people are open minded about dating a guy who has a girlfriend who wants him to sleep around...

Okay, lets start off with the obvious, who the fuck sends this kind of message? In what planet is it okay to send a completely random girl a message asking her to prostitute herself out for free because your girlfriend has "emotional intimacy issues" (read: doesn't actually exist). Furthermore, nothing in my profile suggests i would in any way game for this. Unless the term "History Nerd" is now code for sexually adventurous.  Oh, and no problem let me check your profile, which comes with a picture so i already know you are a white male, idiot, but thanks for reminding me in case your just really an albino black guy. Hrm... you list yourself as a "sexual deviant" well obviously since you are  fucking a blow up doll "dating" a girl with intimacy issues so no blowjobs for you. This was my reply to him:

I don't know what in your right mind would possess you to send this to me. There is nothing about my profile that suggests i would in any way be game for this nonsense.

Frankly I think you're a serial killer, get professional help.

Okay I know i shouldn't poke the serial killers but seriously, I don't think this guy has any fucking clue how insulting his message was. I'm sorry when did Okcupid become a place to randomly get hookers, because i'm insulted at the implication that i would sleep with some random guy i have never met before. Thats certainly safe behavior.

Oh his response...

All you had to do was like the others who aren't interested. All you had to do was say "thanks for the compliment and for thinking of me but no thank you I am not into this kind of thing." there was no need to be rude or insulting to a serious attempt at flattery.

This was supposed to be flattering? And no Creepy McSerial Killer, a no thanks would not suffice in this instance. When you treat someone like they are a hooker for hire, a no thanks is not fucking good enough. Want to flatter me? Tell me i'm smart or interesting or at least look at my fucking profile and pick something out. Also, this makes it totally obvious he was sending this message to several girls in the hopes that some girl with low self-esteem and body image,  poor soul would take pity on his woe-is-me situation and pity fuck him before he strangles her and dumps her body into the ocean.

How do these people find me?

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SUNDAY PIC: America The Beautiful

I love that New Jersey is synonymous with Snooki now. Also Rainy hipsters is my favorite part!

**From Graphjam

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Karaoke: 15 Minutes of Fame Bitches

So its once again time for Karaoke Blog Ring of Death. This month we opted to do One-Hit wonders. I'm getting the adorable TJ from My Life in Southern California. I love TJ because he operates in my Fantasy Baseball team and I think he might actually be doing better than me (that bastard). He's doing Cutting Crew's  "I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight" and while i'm creeped out by the weird blue face, he still sings better than i do.

If you're wondering where i am, the incomparable Tristachio is hosting me on her blog Tristachio: Just a Family of Nuts. I'm singing Willa Ford's "I Wanna Be Bad," and my singing lives up to the bad reputation. Anyways take it away Tj.

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300th Post Party!

So this marks the 300th post for Dancing on the Bar of Life. Frankly, I never thought i would get to a 100 posts, or 50 readers so this is quite a feet for me. I wanted to do something cool for 300 posts but i couldn't come up with anything. So i opted to Vlog instead. I hope y'all enjoy!



For the record, even though i rag on tourists, I still love them. Heck, I'm a tourist when I'm on vacation, so i get it. Plus i make my money during tourist season, so i would hate if they stopped coming. It's just that one bad tourist spoils the whole bunch sometimes. Also for 300 posts, I thought i would look back and share my favorite/most viewed posts

Coyote Rose's Posts of Hilarity:

• I Have Historical Tourettes
• Project Runway: Favorite Challenges
• People I never Want to See at Concerts Again
• My 300th Death Plunge
• Do I Look Like a Directory 
• Why Your Online Dating Emails Suck 
• Open Letter: Dear Creepy Asian Guy 
• Tales from the Ra Vault: Hot Shit 
• Well, That Was Unsexy (Meathole Guy Post 1)
• Who Wants to Fuck Me?
• Santa: Creepy Fat Fucker
• The End of Meathole Guy

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Oh, it has already been broughten

So for those of you who follow my twitter, you might have noticed an increase of historical facts coming your way (For those of you who are new to this blog, I happen to hold a masters degree in European History. You can read all about that here). This increase is a marked reaction to a comment UNC-Sis made on twitter last night.

Challenge Accepted Bitch! (and by bitch i mean sister that i dearly love even though we are like oil and water, and omg how are we even fucking related to each other?)

And then she posted this:

So at least now I am doing something with that History degree I paid a kajillion dollars for and iamsogoingtobeindebtforever because of. Consider this your public service project from the Coyote Sisters.

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Under The Covers: Bulletproof Mascara

TITLE: Bulletproof Mascara

AUTHOR: Bethany Maines

GENRE: Fiction, Spy/Thriller

SUMMARY: With a linguistics degree and no other prospects, Nikki Lanier takes a job with the philanthropic arm of Carrie Mae, a cosmetics company, to get out of her mother’s house. She doesn’t expect the training to involve target practice, intelligence techniques, and identifying explosives disguised as make-up. The Carrie Mae Foundation is actually a network of secret operatives charged with protecting women around the world. Nikki passes her training with flying colors. Her boss, the enigmatic Mrs. M, then pairs Nikki with flinty agent Valerie Robinson and sends them to Thailand to find the missing director of a women’s clinic. Mix in double agents, human trafficking, and repeated run-ins with a charismatic stranger who’s hiding something, and Maines turns in a tale full of surprises. *

ROSE'S REVIEW: What happens when you mix Mary Kay and the CIA? You get Bulletproof Mascara. I was perusing the shelves at Barnes and Nobles when i spotted this book and I knew immediately that i wanted to read it (sadly i couldn't buy it that day due to lack of funds, but i found it 2 months later in the 5 buck bin at Books-a-Million). It sounded like the female James Bond book, and i wasn't disappointed.

Nikki Lanier has it bad. Her degree in linguistics isn't netting her a job and her overbearing mother is driving her nuts. Her mother forces her to go to a Carrie Mae Cosmetics meeting and by sheer luck (or fixing) she wins a Carrie Mae cosmetics bag. When her first sales meeting goes horribly horribly wrong (did she really make someone eat lipstick?) Nikki is recruited into the covert spy world of Carrie Mae. Training is tough but she makes it through and onto her first mission with the wildly rebellious Val. Add in human trafficking, the underworld of Thailand, a Mysterious sexy man that keeps showing up and you have one really good read. The book isn't perfect. Sometimes you figure things out way before Nikki does, but that's part of her charm. Bulletproof mascara makes me want to go join Mary Kay in the hopes of netting a covert spy job.

GRADE:  A-

*From Amazon

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SMAC: Ugh, Nic Cage, You've Done it Again!

So its time for Sucky Movie Awarness Ring for April! I get the Fabulous Shelly from ShellyTalks. Shelly is like my long lost twin in nerdom. She has the Rebel Alliance Symbol Tattooed on her! Girl is like my nerdy soulmate. Plus she is all about Chris Pine's Package. Anyways I'm going to let Shels take it away. If you want to see my Review of National Treasure (which is really an excuse for me to nerd out on History) I'm up at Tab's blog Geeky Ambiguous Me. Take it away Shels:

Oh my goodness I'm on Tit's blog! I've died and gone to virtual heaven! haha! I'm super excited to be on this blog! Can you tell? Why I'm on her blog, I'm sure you're curious. Well! It's time for the Movie Blogring! We have to bash Nic Cage and his horrible acting abilities.

I swear, this guy ruins every single movie for me. He's awful! I couldn't even take a movie that should have been good like "Kick Ass" seriously, because he's just so bad. I wonder what it's like to be part of a huge movie making family like the the Coppolas and be the least talented. Maybe he's always trying to prove himself? Or he hates his family and wants to really run the name through the mud. Either way Mr. Cage, keep it up! Your movies are wonderful to make fun of!

The movie I watched was "Peggy Sue Got Married." It's actually a movie made by his here uncle Francis Ford Coppola. It's also a Buddy Holly song....ANYWAY! The premises of the movie is about Peggy Sue. She married her high school sweetheart, Charlie, and wants a divorce. At her 25th high school reunion, she faints, and when she wakes up she's a senior in high school again. Will she make the same choices? Will she choose a new path? You'll have to watch and find out!

You should see Nic in this movie, he's extra terrible. Not only is he his usual ho-hum self...but he has some weird voice going on. I'm not sure why, and it's actually incredibly hilarious. Like a cartoon character or something. And the really sad part? I have to admit, young Nic Cage, isn't a bad looking dude. Before the weird hair, and possible hair plugs...He wasn't a bad looking guy! Just a horrible actor.

I will also give mad props for his awesome jacket

So since this is a movie review, I am going to recommend you see this movie. No, really. It's so bad, it's good. That and I'm a sucker for Kathleen Turner. I mean, who doesn't like Jessica Rabbit?

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