Monday, December 19, 2011

Shit Has Been Making Me Irrationally Crazy

This time of year always brings out the totally bat-shit crazy side of me. I always have 8 million things going on and then Christmas Shopping is never easy for me, so at any moment my head is likely doing this:


Which means any number of things that wouldn't even register on my radar normally, cause me to completely freak out and want to kill someone. So please don't do any of these things in my presence or online until well after the New Year, kthanx?
  1. The word is ANGEL not Angle. Angle is something you use in geometry. It is not the winged thing that sits in heaven. It is not the costume. Your sweetheart 4 year old is not a "little angle" unless she's part of an isosceles triangle. Please learn the correct spelling bitches.

  2. Leaving the fucking shopping cart in the middle of the aisle so it is blocking everyone's way. Like way to be inconsiderate douchebags. If you haven't noticed every store is packed because its fucking Christmas time! So please make it that much harder for me to get my hands on that precious Lalaloopsy doll so that I beat you to death with it, after I wrestle it out of the hands of some 72 year old granny with no teeth.

  3. The kids that drive my dogs crazy. Listen I'm about to sound like a 90 year old man shaking a stick in my front yard or something, so I apologize in advance for that. But I live in an apartment complex and there are these young teenage - early 20s kids who hang out on the stairwell out front of my apartment. Which would be fine but they are always knocking on the wall, or the door or making loud stomping noises or getting into fights right outside of my door. This would all be well and good except everytime they do one of these things my dogs lose it and proceed to bark their fucking puppy brains out. And the minute I get the dogs to stop, the kids do something to start them back up again. I spend between 1-3 hours a night just trying to get my damn dogs to stop barking. Also, its fucking cold out- can't these kids go inside.

  4. Dear members of my family, please stop making it hard to shop for you. Have some god-damn hobbies so that I can buy you things. Personally I'm not crazy about buying people an Outback gift card every Christmas. You have to like something besides food!

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