Thursday, March 17, 2011

Duck, Duck, Bitch

Okay, so we all know that i am currently living with my parents (and it totes sucks) but what i may not have told you is that my family lives in housing development that is 90% people-on-their-death-beds. The town i live in is mostly a retirement city, so my housing development isn't any different. My parents are almost a good 20 years younger than everyone else. I think we are one of about 5 houses that have school aged children. I tell you that, so that i can tell you this:

I was out walking my dogs the other day and I always walk them along this path next to the road by my developments clubhouse (which conveniently is right across from my house). I go up the road till i hit the stop sign at the end and then walk back to my house. I do this 2-4 times a day. There is a pond behind my clubhouse where turtles and 2 ducks live. So I'm walking the dogs and they had been walked about 2 hours prior, so i didn't feel the need to take them the whole way. So i turn and cross the bridge to go back to my house and this old lady yells out to me "Hey honey."

Before she even finishes her sentence I am inwardly groaning. Old people down here only call you "Honey" and "Sugar" if they are going to be completely condescending to you. Anyways she yells "Hey honey, don't let your dogs go near the ducks."

What?

Okay first off, I have already turned around and am heading away from the pond. Heres a diagram for you:


So yeah, I've already crossed the bridge and am heading away from the pond when she yells at me to not go near the ducks. Second, the ducks weren't even out and if they were we weren't within 100 yards of them because my dogs love to bark at them.

Like what did this lady think i was going to do? Let go of the leashes i was holding so that my two terriers could chase the ducks? I don't exactly own Pit Bulls or Labradors; They aren't dogs that are bred to go duck hunting. My dogs like to chase squirrels, sure, but damn the ducks are bigger than them. Seriously, my dogs weigh all of 36 pounds combined... most five-year-old's weigh more than Nixon and Kennedy. The ducks could probably beat them up (ducks are fiesty bitches, they will kick your ass). Also, last time i checked duck could fly. Did she really think my dogs would chase them down, catch them and shake them to death? How often do you see a dog catch a duck that isn't dead? Plus pond. The ducks can swim. Nixon won't go in water and Kennedy acts like i am Hitler when i give her a bath. My dogs are not going to jump into this pond to chase down the ducks.

I just don't understand these people. All this women did was make me want to let go of the leashes so the dogs could attack her. Which would have been the actual outcome of me letting go the leashes. Nixon and Kennedy would have run up and started jumping on her because they act like they are starved for human attention. Forget the damn ducks, she might have treats. Who are these old people and why are they so annoying?
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