Friday, January 7, 2011

Dim Sum, Lose Sum (TC 8.5)

Another week, another devastating elimination on Top Chef. It's like all the rootable people are going first this season, but I digress.

QUICKFIRE: Make a dish faster than Tom Colicchio, which is almost impossible. Tom comes in and makes a dish (which looked incredible) in 8 minutes and 37 seconds. I can't even make toast in 8 minutes and 37 seconds. Further proof that i will never be a chef in any real capacity.  Anyways all the chefs scramble to get ingredients and start cooking but that Wiley Everyone Hates Marcel went and grabbed the fish Tom used in his dish, therefore avoiding the pile-up at the fridge. 8 minutes and 37 seconds later everyone's dishes were finished. Pissed Off Asian Dale, Jamie and Russian Bride Angelo ended up in the bottom, and Douchebag Mike, Professor Blais and Everyone Hates Marcel in the top. Douchebag Mike won and got immunity and a new car. That's pretty damn good for a dish that took less time than most people take to shower.

ELIMINATION: This has to be the scariest elimination challenge i have ever seen. Work as a team to several several types of Dim Sum to locals in China Town during the lunch rush. OMG, I have never seen so many scary Asian people at one time. No wonder Dale is pissed off all the time. Anyways, Douchebag Mike does something I think is very gracious and offers to Expo since he has immunity. Jamie, who doesn't cook anything ever apparently, refuses to run the front of the house and Carla and Casey ultimately volunteer.

Then the chefs go to a market in Chinatown where no one speaks English, which was hilarious. Casey got chicken feet which i immediately knew was a mistake and disgusting.Italian Sausage Fabio got choked up when he saw that the market sold turtles for turtle soup, since apparently he has a pet turtle that is his princess. Okay, how fricking adorable is Fabio? I want to like marry him, or clone him, or just listen to him talk for hours on end. Then they were off to the Chinese restaurant where the chefs were super cramped in tiny spaces and didn't have normal cooking supplies. The oven wouldn't go up above 300 degrees and there was no regular stove-tops, just woks.

Then food never came out to the angry Chinese people waiting for food. It was a first class Clusterfuck. What little food did came out of the kitchen went straight to the judges and there were some really angry Asian people looking like they were going to start a bitch fight if they didn't get fed soon. The chefs just didn't have a sense of urgency about them, they were more worried about plating and styling. Dude, as a waitress i know one thing: It doesn't matter what it looks like as long as it tastes good. The chefs, however, forgot this vital ingredient and the judges were less than pleased. I seriously thought there wouldn't even be a winner and that they would all have to go to judges table for elimination.

But alas, I was wrong. Hootie-Ho Carla, Antonia, Jamie, Tre and Casey were called in for elimination. Antonia was spared because she made a fairly decent shrimp toast, but was knocked for doing a horrid green bean dish with Jamie. Jamie was also knocked for doing a scallop pot sticker/ravioli thing. Tre did this orange soup desert thing that essentially melted. Carla's spring rolls looked more appetizing than it was and Casey's chicken feet were cooked wrong, mostly by Antonia because Casey was off working the floor. In Fairness, I wanted Jamie gone but i understood why they kicked off Casey. Her chicken feet were left by 3/4th of the customers. Inedible tops sucky but can still be digested.

On the Top were Pissed Off Asian Dale, Italian Sausage Fabio, Other Tiffany, and Russian Bride Angelo. Fabio had the first top chef miracle when his short ribs came out perfect from an oven that didn't go over 300 degrees. The judges loved Dale's sticky rice, which an Asian losing an Asian challenge would just be wrong.

WINNER: Pissed Off Asian Dale

OUT: Casey

**Quotables**

"Some form of Chef's Tourette's"- Antonia

"We're going to go into Cardiac arrest if we have to cook at his speed"- Angelo

"I'm a 36DD if i didn't wear bras you would have been hurt in the quickfire today"- Bitchy Tiffany

"When I move to US I bought  tutle, she's a little princess"- Fabio
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