SUNDAY PIC: That is Scary

I am writhing in horror from this. I love Foxtrot. Also, awesome costume idea. I wonder where i can find the George Lucas wig?

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OPEN LETTER: Pathetic People

Dear Pathetic People Who Stalk My Blog as a Way to Gain Info About People Who Want Nothing to Do With You:

GET. A. LIFE. You are sad and pathetic and need psychiatric care. Reading my blog as a source of info is both ridiculous and disturbing. I'm sure between all the post about: stupid guys i'm fucking, project runway, and the books I'm reading; you are learning so much about the people you are using my blog to stalk. Seriously, wouldn't that time be better spent volunteering at a nursing home, or spending time with people who actually give a shit about you? On the whole, i mostly feel sorry for you because you are incapable of moving on with your lives and have to resort to stalking my blog as a meager way of trying to keep abreast with people who don't give two shits about you.

For the record, I am not talking about you stalky readers. I totes love you guys. I am talking about the people who use my blog as a means of keep tabs on G-Fab, or UNC_Sis or #3 or one of my other friends that i talk about on here randomly. You think i'm joking, right? Nope, people actually use this blog as a source of information on what my friends and family are doing. These people are typically the ex-boyfriends/ex-friends/rejected family members that these people want nothing to do with. So they are using me as a proxy to try and stay involved with them. Which is both delusional and retarded because these people haven't spoken to them in years, and because I am completely self-absorbed and only talk about me on here. ITS MY BLOG DAMMIT!

So please you crazy obsessed stalkers- find another place to hang out. There are enough of you that you could actually create your own self-help group if you wanted. Join Stalkers Anonymous. I don't really care, I just don't want to see your pathetic ISP addresses or location hits anymore. It makes baby Jesus sad.


Thanx,
Coyote Rose

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The Episode in Which We Cuss at the Television (PR 8.13)

So we're down to the finale four on Project Runway and I have the feeling that you guys probably had the exact same reactions i did to this episode. In fact, I know you did. G-Fab  and I had a lengthy discussion of why we hate Lifetime about it. Dana (whose totes awesome) from Ducks Don't Quack sent me a lengthy tirade about this episode that was so good, I will be using excerpts from it as part of my blog post. Because she summed up my feelings in such a succinct manner, I cannot try to top her.

Lets begin at the top.

In standard PR fare, Heidi gives the final four their blood money and 6 weeks to create their final runway looks. Then cut to some undetermined time later when Tim comes for home visits. First up is Andy. Now, I did not expect Andy to be living in some shack in Hawaii. I mean Andy seems like a city boy, not a country bumpkin. But i suppose if your country is in Hawaii it's not so bad. Also, i have never been to Hawaii so can someone please tell me if all the houses look like that out there, or if Andy's house seemed like a shack to anyone else? Also, the best part of the entire episode was Tim Gunn freaking out at the those Chinese catfish.

 

I mean his face.... priceless.

That being said, Andy's family was awesome, genuine and seemed to support him, which is exactly what a family should do. I mean Michael C. and Mondo's family could like take notes from Andy's.

Then we move onto Michael C.'s family visit where we find out that he is not in fact straight, happily married with a son but in all actuality gay, witch a boyfriend who seems like a douchebag and a family that made him marry a women and doesn't support him.

As Dana said "First, did they not give us the impression all season that Michael C was happily married with a child? Then out of left field they throw at us that not only is he gay, but that his parents forced him to marry a woman so that they would give him any support!Wtf parents? But then he's telling Tim this entire story, in front of his child? The hell? Also where is his supposed wife, serious."

I couldn't have said it better myself. I did some background digging (IE Googling) and found out that Michael C.'s family forced him into an arranged marriage at 18. He has two children, a boy and a girl, with his former wife. They have since divorced, the wife has moved to texas with his daughter and remarried, and he never gets to see his daughter because of it. His son lives with him and his boyfriend and the child's mother basically doesn't want anything to do with the kid. It's kinda heartbreaking all around.

Anyways then there was family visits with Mondo, which was painfully awkward cause its obvious Mondo is too wacky for his family. And a visit with Gretchen where she basically went on about how Project Runway ruined her relationship, city, life, etc. Those were so much less important, kay?

Then they are in New York, working on their collections when Tim comes in and says they will all be showing 3 looks for the judges and they have to make one new look to show in two days. Can i just say how glad I am that they didn't bring former contestants back to help a second time. I really couldn't take Ivy Stalin-Bitchatron for another turn and being a completely delusional bitch.

ONTO Runway:

• Mondo- Okay, I'll be honest I didn't love Mondo's first look (the brown shirt and jumper above) I felt like the printed jumper with the printed shirt was really too busy. But separated both pieces were adorable. His 13th look was a checked skirt with a light blue top that was awesome. I. WANT. THAT. SKIRT. His evening gown was a little quirky and i would never wear it but i could see tons of movies stars wanting to rock that look. Lets be totally honest here, this season is Mondo's to lose. I mean the boy could have sent 3 naked models down the runway and he would have still been safe.

• Andy- If anyone is going to steal Mondo's Tiara its going to be Andy. Sure, the judges put him in the bottom two with Michael C. but that was just for the drama. There was absolutely no way that Andy was going to be out. I rather like his silver/purple jumpsuit thing. I would never wear it but its not absolutely awful either. His green dress was amazing. I think its probably the best thing in his collection, which goes to show that Andy works better in the PR pressure cooker than some of his competitors. Sure, his bathing suit was a throw-away but he was trying to show range. So i give him some credit, but that headpieces? Those are just a No. I mean unless he is trying to channel aliens on those things, they need to go.

• Michael C.- Lets be fair, there is nothing innovative here. Many of these looks have been done before or are similar to looks that have been done before. That doesn't mean they are not interesting and cool. I really love the bedazzled pants and weird hair shirt thing. His 13th look dress is very fabulous and red carpet worthy. Yes, his feather dress makes his model look boxy. The argument that his color scheme was too similar is bullshit, Irina won season 6 using a collection of nothing but black and gray.  But lets be honest here, Michael C. could have stolen the current runway collection of Christian Lacroix and sent that down the runway and he was still going to go home. The simple fact is that the PR producers and Bunim/Murray entertainment (the people who make The Real World) decided 6 episodes ago that it was going to be Mondo, Gretchen and Andy in the finale.  All the challenges and decision were just filler to get to that endpoint. Why those 3? Because Mondo is the front runner, Andy seems to deserve to be there and Gretchen is the Villain. They need those parts to be filled more than just giving the people who deserve  a place at fashion week. The show is making decisions based more on drama than on the clothes, and the minute they started doing that they lost all credibility as real talent show.  Was Michael C. robbed? Yes, and it was painful to watch his breakdown, but he did get to show at Fashion week as one of the decoys. So here's hoping something good comes out of that.

• Gretchen- As G-Fab Said "How the Fuck is this Bitch going to the finals?" The whole mini-collection is a tragedy. It's like she made clothes for  vegan hippies who can't get laid. I mean its crunchy granola all the way without anything good like chocolate chips in it. The brown outfit actually gave the model a muffin top. A. MUFFIN. TOP. ON.A.SIZE.TWO.MODEL! Gretchen should be executed for just that. But that grey romper thing was atrocious, i wish you could see the back from this picture it was hideous. I mean no one wants a large piece of fabric hanging off their ass. I mean its only good for carrying a large watermelon on your ass if you are living in place where you don't own a car and have to walk 4 miles to the store. That green leather thing looked like plant leaves and not in a good way. And when Nina said she liked it, i finally figured out who Gretchen had been bribing to stay in the competition this long. Dana said " Then Gretchen designs the collection from hell, with jewelery that looks like a weapon and she's safe!? Are they serious?  The mini collection she put down the runway looked old and frumpy. It was awful. Plus her colour palette reminded me of dirt, which was likely intentional as she was apparently inspired by all things rural." Listen, much like Mondo- Gretchen could have sent naked Models down the runway and she would still be in. The show is not choosing based on talent anymore, they are choosing based on drama and we all love to hate Gretchen- so it was obvious she was going to stay. Does it make it right? No, but if she wins this season I'm pretty sure its going to drive viewers off in droves so maybe there is a silver lining here.

I'm going to let Dana have the final say here. So take it away Dana- "I am mad. I am mad and disillusioned with Project Runway and kind of think they're asshats. If any collection other than Mondos wins I'm putting Project Runway on my eyestab list.

End rant"

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SUNDAY PIC: Worst Halloween Costume

Worst Halloween Costume Ever! I mean ewww, why would you dress up like this.

** from Campblood

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Don't You Know Who I Think I Am

So i love my fellow 20 something-blogger crew. I mean they are like my internet besties. They understand my pain and sadness that i can't manage to break 50 followers. They give me inspiration for ridiculous posts about meatholes, dating applications and people i want to fuck. They, however, also send me internet memes and I can't ignore them. I mean its like putting apple pie in front of me and telling me not to eat it. I must follow protocol.

So This Ain't Kosher AKA Nugs sent me the 8 questions meme and since i am devoid of anything interesting to say today (cause like my real life is super super boring right now) I will be answering them. Unfortunately this means i actually have to be interesting for a change. I hope i don't disappoint. So onto the questions:

1. What's the one thing that scares the hell out of you? (For example: dying alone, oven mitts, parade floats of giant pandas...)

Airplanes, and dying alone in my apartment and no one finding my decomposed body for weeks and like my dogs eating me instead of starving to death. That's just really fucking creepy.

2. If you had the opportunity to throw anybody- and I do mean anybody- under a speeding vehicle and no one would EVER find out, who would it be? (No points for Justin Bieber, BTW, because that's just a given)

My first stepdad for generally being a douchebag. This is a different person from my current stepdad- who i would like to keep alive for the simple fact that my mom can't handle two toddlers on her own. Anyways my first stepdad was a jerk, sociopathic liar, criminal and all-around plight on society. The only good thing that man ever did was knock my mom up so that i have UNC-Sis around to torture. But yeah, he's made my mom's life a living nightmare too many times for me to let it go.

3. Hell, be creative: Choose your own murderous rage (I'm morbid like that).

Personally, I would like to castrate men who have 4 kids or more, with more than 3 different women. I mean those guys that have like 10 kids with 7 different women, you have reproduced enough and castration is the best option now. Also women who have to take 15 different men on Maury to DNA test them for their 5 children, those women should be steralized. Yes, i realize i am not murdering anyone with this but, I still like it.

4. What do you love most about me? No, seriously. What's the one place you've always wanted to visit but never have?

Europe, okay thats really unspecific but I've always wanted to visit the whole continent. I want to drink tea in London, coffee in Paris, beer in Berlin, vodka in Moscow, wine in Rome, hot chocolate in Madrid, etc.  I want to see all the famous historical sights (cause i am a history nerd, mmmkay) and go to all the big cities. One day when i am rich, i am totally gonna do it too!

5. What's the funniest fucking word in the English language (I currently like "titmouse")?

Cattywampus, also Ritual when in conjunction with the idea of weddings and marriage. Like ritual cakes or ritual dancing. (sorry G-fab)

6. If you could describe your life with a song title or movie title, what would it be?

Don't You Know Who I Think I Am. Which is a song by Fall Out Boy, because apparently i think i'm the shit or something and well other people disagree.

7. What's your favorite website besides my blog? (don't you love how I threw in my flaming narcissism?)

I happen to love EW.com. I'm like super addicted to it. I check it like 3-4 times a day and i have won 2 separate DVD's from them. Dalton Ross is my favorite writer, he does the survivor blogs. He's like a comedic genius or something.

8. If you were going to host a blogger house party which bloggers would you invite and what would go down? (I think we're all going to keep this one in there).

Oh this is super easy. I would want: Sara Nips, Nugs, Danaconda, Dana, BooyaBobby, The Tsarista, Harley and You're Lucky I don't have a Gun. And the events would include much drinking, circle of death, random dancing, torturing Bobby and Danaconda with random female make-outs and inappropriate touching and very intense game of duck duck goose.

Alright, so know i have to pass it on to 8 fellow bloggers with 8 new questions *commence evil laughter*

Stephanie Rose @ Did Someone Say Nachos
Dana @ Ducks Don't Quack
Harley @ Domestic Depravity
Ella @ Ella's Adventures from under the Magnifying Glass
Dan @  From the Head of Danaconda
Bobby @ Inside the Mind of Booya
G-Fab @ Far Too Important Blog
Gemma @ This Fact Might Save Your Bacon

And your 8 questions are:
1. Where have you always wanted to have sex, but never have been able to?
2. Whose one celebrity you would never fuck?
3. If you were deserted on an island, what 2 bloggers would you want with you and why?
4. If you were to write your memoirs, what would you title it?
5. Would you rather have a tapdancing penguin or a singing platypus and why?
6.  If you could kill one person and get away with it, who would it be and how would you do it?
7. Whats one concert you would pay a million dollars to see?
8. If you were going to host a blogger house party which bloggers would you invite and what would go down? (I think we're all going to keep this one in there).

Have fun everybody!

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I Gave Birth to a Chinese Prostitute (PR 8.12)

Mondo's Dress

Finally all is right with the universe: The Project Runway judges and i agree on something. It's like they finally listened to what i've been bitching about all season. Well, no not about the over-the-top product placement or the extended 30 minutes being entirely too much or about the fact that i don't give a shit about the designers in the stew room. But hey one thing out of four isn't so bad.

Challenge: Design an outfit drawing inspiration from a New York City Landmark. I give this 3 corn husk dresses out of 5, cause this challenge has been done a couple times before and there are a lot of landmarks in NYC.

Now don't get me wrong. I love me some NYC. I mean its the center of the universe and all that Rent shit.  But seriously, could the designers have picked less interesting landmarks? I mean from the minute they announced the challenge i knew someone would do the Statue of Liberty (Michael C.), the Brooklyn Bridge (April and Mondo), and Central Park (Andy). In fact, I was shocked no one decided to do Times Square or the Empire State Building. Maybe because there wasn't enough designers for someone to take those? I was actually pleasantly surprised that Gretchen went to the Lower East Side. Personally, I would have gone with Yankee Stadium even though those motherfuckers are losing to the Texas Rangers right now and it is making Baby Jesus cry. Also it is making me cuss at my tv for hours on end and then not write blog posts, but thats a totally different blog post altogether.

Andy's Dress

So they go to Mood where Tim tells April that given her choice of color palette this season that she should really try to wow the judges: I.E. Use Some Damn Color Bitch! Then there was an adorable shot of Swatch the mood dog. Anyways then it was on to the designers working, Mondo sleeping (motherfucker, you are in a competition for a shit-ton of money- You Can Sleep When You've Won) and Andy giving birth to a Chinese prostitute dress.

Onto Runway: I'm putting these in order of "way to play it safe" to "Omg, are you on crack?" Plus i'm going to give the odds on each designers chance of winning this season.

• Mondo- Mondo took this great picture looking down from the Brooklyn bridge at cars and then tried to translate it into a dress. Which would have gone better if his yellow sequin fabric worked out for him, but it didn't. His outfit was still cute and still very Mondo but also very done. I mean i love me some houndstooth fabric but he's used it several times this season and i kind want to see him do something else. That being said, Mondo was so going to Fashion Week and I think he's a lock to win the whole thing.
  Odds: 2-1
• Andy- Andy went to Central Park and yet managed to make a dress a Chinese prostitute would wear and then he edited it to make it something Kate Beckinsale would wear to a wedding in the next Underworld movie (and yes, they are making a 4th and she will be back- maybe Andy could do the costumes). I didn't see any Central Park in it at all, unless he was in the Bat Cave at the Central Park Zoo and dreamed of Dracula. Still it was very Dominatrix-Xena- Warrior Woman that Andy has been doing all season. I still love him and i was happy he is going to fashion week, but really lets stretch here a little Andy. Still if anyone is going to give Mondo a run for his money its Andy.
  Odds: 3-1



April's Dress

• Michael C.- Oh the Statue of Liberty, I'm sorry people keeping making crappy dresses using you as an inspiration. Not that Michael's dress was that bad it was just very boring, ho-hum, play it safe. I mean it was very simple and elegant but I expected the judges to rip him apart for it. The back was cute but his model's back was weird. Also $500 dollars to make that? I'm pretty sure G-fab could do it for $55.95. I have to say i get a small source of joy that Michael C. won this challenge because i'm sure somewhere Ivy is screaming out in pain about it.
  Odds: 6-1
• April- Did it come as a shock to anyone that April chose the Brooklyn bridge and then used like all black (with a little bit of purple) in her outfit? I'm actually surprised that her reasoning wasn't "I choose the Brooklyn bridge cause its so dark with all the car-crashes and suicide jumpers and gore. It's depressing and that's why i chose it." But her dress was atrocious. It was my least favorite outfit but that been my MO with April all season. I mean it was something a pregnant witch would wear. She made a size 2 model look like a size 14 and thats never a good thing. And then the heavens finally parted and King Kors finally said what i've been saying all season: That April is a one-trick-pony and she has sent the same outfit down the runway like 10 times. There is no joy or fun in her clothes. "The sadness is numbing." If i had to see 12 of her outfits come down a runway I would need a bucket of Ben and Jerrys and a prescription for Zoloft to keep myself from inflicting physical pain.
  Odds: Never Gonna Happen!
• Hitler Gretchen- Listen, i give Gretchen a lot of hell. Mostly because she has been a bitch all season and is partially delusional (but not full out delusional like Ivy). But i really wanted to like her this episode because she chose the Lower East Side, its not exactly the first place you think of in NYC. Then she did that cute brick skirt with the black lace and then lined it with Leopard print. Girl, i love me some Leopard Print- just ask G-fab. But the whole outfit just never came together and it was a sad mismatch and strangely too commercial. I mean i could see the whole outfit selling at Wal-mart and that is not a plus. But i was actually okay with her going to Fashion week. I might hate her, but she is the kind of person you love to hate. Plus seriously, her 12 looks will be better than April's black coma collection. The girl could still pull this season out though. If she wants it bad enough she could win it.
  Odds: 5-1

Winner: Michael C

Out: April

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SUNDAY PIC: Party Like a Rockstar

If you read the post prior to this, you know we recently had a work party at my job. Here are some pictures from it:

Me getting 50 bucks from my mega-hot boss. We've discussed him before right?

A. Please ignore my double-chin
B. Lets take a moment to admire my awesome tits
C. The guy in the background is like my work- bestie. He's from Africa and he's like awesome and fun and not a pain in my ass. He loves to tell people he was a child soldier.
D. I love how long my legs look in this pic. Take that Heidi Klum!

And the rest of my crazy ass staff

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A Work Hosh-Ka-Posh

I wish i had some really cool interesting stories to tell you right now.... but i don't. My life has turned into a humdrum cycle of sleep, eat, work, repeat.

It sucks, I know.

But i figured i would send out a few little tidbits of whats going on in my life, which at this point mostly revolves around work. Last Saturday we had an employee party because we got 100% participation on a corporate quiz we had to take about out general manager. For the record, my general manager is like a billion different ways of awesome. Plus he has got to be the sexiest manager I have ever worked for. Also, his wife is like supermodel gorgeous. I am jealous of their non-existent childrens DNA. Imjustsaying. Anyways, they like forced us to do the quiz at work and then our store won $250 bucks for it and instead of pocketing it like most managers would- they threw us a party with pizza and FREE BOOZE. Can i mention again how much i love my job?

Anyways the dress code was party like a rockstar which meant i was on Slut level 9 (9 because its still all my coworkers, right?) There are pictures from that night and when i get them i promise to show them. Then I won 50 bucks in a raffle, which was amazing cause i needed the money. Anyways when the party ended at 2, I ended up going back to one of our kitchen manager's apartments with him, his girlfriend (whose totes awesome- I love her) and one of the other servers. We played circle of death for like ever until i finally got my ass home at 6 AM, and then my dogs woke me up at 11. Bitches.

In unrelated work news: We have this new waitress working with us and the only word i can use to describe her is dumb. She's a nice girl and all but Seriously. Dumber. Than. A. Box. Of. Rocks. I'm pretty sure Nixon and Kennedy are smarter than her. All of this would be a moot point if she had common sense or like didn't screw up shit at work. But in one day alone she managed to drop a blackberry peach margarita down our main stairwell (by putting a tray on a ledge we all told her not to), having her thong showing like the whole night. But the icing on the cake was that she was on our expo line (which is visible to probably 2/3s of the restaurant) and she was goofing around with one of our cooks and threw a roll at him. In return, he dropped a piece of ice down her pants and instead of running off to the bathroom, SHE DROPPED HER PANTS IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR KITCHEN. I didn't actually see this happen, i have just been retold the story like 10 times. But seriously, bare ass and thong in our kitchen with the management standing right next to her, where half the restaurant can see her.

I have no words for how outraged and confused I was by this or about how she is still employed there.

Also because i love my coworkers I made them Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Brownies. Which are amazing and also could put a person in a diabetic coma. The whole pan was gone in like an hour and a half. Anyways they were so amazing that now every time i go into work someone asks me to make them again. I'm thinking about charging.

Not my brownies, but they looked the same

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Guest Posting

Just an update: I am posting over at Ramblings of a Singleton today. I'm talking about misconceptions of dating smart chicks. So please go read and comment, because i need pity comments mmmkay?

Plus I'm pretty sure i mention blowjobs, sports and my fantastic boobs at least once.

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The Bitchiness Continues (PR 8.11)

Okay, let me be honest here readers: I have become disillusioned with Project Runway. During its heyday at Bravo it was my favorite TV show. I got all giddy and excited for each new season. G-fab and I used to get into fights over which designers we liked better or who should have gone home and now: I'm just waiting for the pain to be over. The challenges are boring (i mean where is the inventiveness- where is the create a costume for a drag queen or out of car parts). The extra 30 minutes of product placement is obnoxious. The judges all took their bitchy pills, and they show is casting people more for drama than for talent. I can't deal with this. If Lifetime doesn't turn this show around, next season my be my last. Anyways onto the show:

Challenge: Create 3 new designs for Heidi's Activewear line for new balance or create 3 new outfits for Heidi's Mommies who are fat after having 3 kids and want to look like they go to the gym without actually going to the gym. I give this negative 2 cornhusk dresses out of 5 because it was basically a challenge to make boring gym clothes for a line of boring ass gray shit.

So because they had to create 3 looks in 2 days, the producers hoping to up the drama on the show brought back former contestants. In previous seasons I  loved this because it gave me a chance to see my favorite booted-to-soon contestants. In this season it just made me want to throw a brick at my TV because it meant that i had to deal with Stalin Ivy and her bitchiness again.

She wasn't there more than 5 minutes before she made a lame accusation about Michael C. using doublestick tape on the Jackie Kennedy challenge. Now it has been a long written rule that designers cannot use doublestick tape to keep their dresses on their models, but the models can use it to keep their bras on. So Stalin Ivy makes this ridiculous accusation that they found used doublestick tape in the girls bathroom and ergo Michael C. cheated. Wait..... what? How does that logic make any sense? I have no idea how that girl's brain works. Anyways, Michael finally grew a pair of balls and told her that he didn't cheat and that at least he didn't get booted for some crappy design. I do, however, love Stalin Ivy's level of delusion. She's mad because she thinks Michael C took a spot that should have gone to her or Valerie. That would have required either of them to produce a garment above the level of garbage for the last 3 challenges and she spent too much time hating Michael C. too produce anything of substance.

Then like 2 minutes later Stalin Ivy got hit in the eye with a needle from a sewing machine. Living proof that Karma is a Bitch and that god is a Michael C. Fan.

Anyways I'm going to rank the designs from "I could see some poor schlob wearing that" to "This makes me want to commit suicide in a really painful way"

• Mondo- After Frau Klum came in and basically was a bitch to him in the workroom, Mondo scraped his original designs (which really weren't that great to begin with) and came up with 3 really cute and wearable looks. If i was shopping for a new hoodie to wear when i am camping out in line for tickets to a sporting event, I would definitely be buying Mondo's. He did really well for the fact that this challenge took him way way out of his comfort zone with no prints or bright obnoxious colors. Plus the headbands were inspired.

• Andy- I didn't totally love his designs. They were a little too Lion King Zebras meets Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas for me. I thought his tops were cute but some of his pants were really really unflattering. But a fair win overall- I mean Andy has been a favorite of mine since the beginning and I still think he can produce an awesome Runway show.
• Michael C.- I understand the Judges being all harsh about introducing a bunch of new colors into Heidi's drab gray-black-white color scheme. And yes, the pumpkin, brown and tan did remind me of thanksgiving but really is that such a bad connotation? I mean doesn't all that turkey, pie and potatoes make you happy inside? Or is that just my stomach grumbling. Overall, I thought his pieces were rather good. Sure the MC Hammer pants went out sometime in the 1990s, but he had the best hoodie by far.
• Chris- Yes, his looks were dull, sad and made me want to give him some of April's zoloft. They were uninspired but i could seem some overweight women with no taste in clothing buying those pieces. But after last weeks tragedy and the fact that he has produced nothing memorable this season, i knew his ousting was coming
• Hitler Gretchen- Okay Madonna from the 1980s called and wants you to stop ripping off her look. Seriously, midriff tops, high waisted shorts and shirts that are see-through- does anyone wear this shit anymore? It was hideous and awful and goofy looking. The whole collection was weird. And Memo to Gretchen: grandpa sweaters are a no. Half of the ladies from the Golden Girls are dead, please stop trying to make their looks fashionable again.

• April Melancholy- If it was up to me, this girl would have been gone 4 episodes ago. Everything she does is like a black negligee. Please give the girl some zoloft and a yard of pink tulle. If i see one more sad, depressed piece from her i think i will commit suicide myself. I don't understand why the judges like her- she's a total one trick pony. Plus the clothes are awful. I mean her too short shorts made her model look like she had a bulge. Her dress looked like something made for a toga part. One of her outfits caused my mom to go "I could make that shit." Everything she has made this season is pedestrian, depressing and looks like lingerie. And i don't mean the expensive lingerie you buy from Victoria Secrets, i mean the $25.95 lingerie you get from trashy sex shops where hookers shop.

Winner: Andy

Out: Chris

 Till next week dear PR Friends. I have to go physically stop G-Fab from buying me an awful Christmas present.

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SUNDAY PIC: Snooki Reads?

It's a very accurate point. Props to anyone who doesn't know who Snooki is, but then i have to wonder if you have turned on a tv in the last 2 years.

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Under the Covers: The Spellman Files

TITLE: The Spellman Files

AUTHOR: Lisa Lutz

GENRE: Fiction/Mystery/Comedy

SUMMARY: Meet Isabel "Izzy" Spellman, private investigator. This twenty-eight-year-old may have a checkered past littered with romantic mistakes, excessive drinking, and creative vandalism; she may be addicted to Get Smart reruns and prefer entering homes through windows rather than doors -- but the upshot is she's good at her job as a licensed private investigator with her family's firm, Spellman Investigations. Invading people's privacy comes naturally to Izzy. In fact, it comes naturally to all the Spellmans. If only they could leave their work at the office. To be a Spellman is to snoop on a Spellman; tail a Spellman; dig up dirt on, blackmail, and wiretap a Spellman.

Part Nancy Drew, part Dirty Harry, Izzy walks an indistinguishable line between Spellman family member and Spellman employee. Duties include: completing assignments from the bosses, aka Mom and Dad (preferably without scrutiny); appeasing her chronically perfect lawyer brother (often under duress); setting an example for her fourteen-year-old sister, Rae (who's become addicted to "recreational surveillance"); and tracking down her uncle (who randomly disappears on benders dubbed "Lost Weekends"). But when Izzy's parents hire Rae to follow her (for the purpose of ascertaining the identity of Izzy's new boyfriend), Izzy snaps and decides that the only way she will ever be normal is if she gets out of the family business. But there's a hitch: she must take one last job before they'll let her go -- a fifteen-year-old, ice-cold missing person case. She accepts, only to experience a disappearance far closer to home, which becomes the most important case of her life.**

ROSE'S REVIEW: If you ever imagined what it would be like to grow up with private investigators as parents, well this is the book for you. Izzy is an instantly-lovable train wreck middle child. It becomes easy to empathize with her and her screwed up ways when you meet her perfect older brother and completely nosy and insane parents. Then there is Uncle Ray and Rae whose on-going feud is hilarious. Isabel isn't perfect by any means but she is easily relateable and partially insane. It doesn't take the reader long to understand why she tries to keep her boyfriend hidden from her parents, or why she lies to try and have a "normal" life.

The Spellman files is totally addicting. I consumed the book in under a day and then quickly went to the bookstore to buy the next 3 books in the series, which i finished in under a week. These books are like crack, you can't leave them alone. You become enthralled with the family and all their various mysteries, espionages, blackmail (and there is a lot of blackmail) and  secrets. Sometimes you can figure out the mystery before Izzy does, and sometimes you think you have all the answers only to find out you are totally off-base (it happens to Izzy too). But its the family that keeps you coming back for more. I mean i thought my family was crazy but they don't hold a candle to the Spellmans. I mean normal people don't hold lucky shirts for ransom, or sneak into their houses by using the fire escape. The book isn't perfect but its pretty darn close. It doesn't surprise me that it was a New York Times Bestseller (all the subsequent books were as well). Here's crossing my fingers that book #5 comes out soon.

GRADE: A

** From Amazon

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A Very Special Project Runway (Pr. 8.10)

Mondo's Outfit

Onto a touchy-feely project runway episode.

Challenge: Create your own fabric to use in a design, but the fabric must be deeply personal. I give this 3 corn husk dresses out of 5, its hard but not too hard except that you never know what the judges will like.

We interrupt this scheduled blog post for some really ridiculous and obvious product placement. Seriously, I counted 4 separate product placements in this episode. Memo to PR producers: you have commercials, an obvious contract with Marie Claire due to Nina and a loyal fanbase. Stop Screwing that up by making 1/3 of the show about other stupid ass products. I don't see hair care going bankrupt in the next 5 years.

So I'm not one for touchy-feely personal crying moments. In fact i pretty much hate them. G-Fab often says this is because i don't have a heart or some such nonsense. I am one of those people who often boo the family reunions on Survivor, so when Project Runway decided to do it I had to try really hard not to gag. The minute they started showing all those old photos and everyone was talking about their moms i knew we were due to have parental units start showing up. Forgive me while i go gag myself as Gretchen has a nervous breakdown about her mom coming/not coming.

But listening to Mondo's story about having HIV and not being able to tell his parents made me want to give that boy a hug like nobody's business. I mean i actually had empathy for once in my life (G-fab make a record of this for posterity). Nobody else's story made any difference to me though. Lets just jump right into runway, k?

• Mondo- even before Mondo decided to tell the judges about his HIV status, i knew he had won this challenge. His fabric was fun and inventive and very Mondo and he used it in a way that was interesting. I for one would never ever wear those pants, but i could see how people (ahem, very skinny people) would wear them. Then his top was adorable to go along with it. He was a shoo-in for the win.
• Hitler Gretchen- For once i actually liked Gretchen's work. I thought the print was adorable; I just didn't feel like she used enough of it in her outfit. I mean it would have made an adorable dress. I could take or leave the pants though, and i thought the buttflap was weird.
• Michael- I actually thought his outfit was kinda cute. The print was interesting and the tie thing was weird but overall I didn't think it was as bad as the judges seemed to think.
• Andy- Overall it was just boring. The print was cute, the design was bad. I just think he couldn't get his shit together this week.
• Chris- I actually didn't have that much of a problem with Chris's outfit. It was adorable and on sale at JcPennys for $45.95. His pants fit weird and made the model look fat and the off the shoulder top could have been more interesting. It was very Cali, it was also very unmemorable
• April- I don't get how the judges love April's shit. I. CAN'T. STAND. IT.
  She doesn't do anything in a color besides black and to be honest the girl makes me depressed. Of course she designs fabric based on her parents divorce and of course its all about being dark and torn apart. Will someone please give this girl some Zoloft and tell her to get over it. I thought the print was ugly and the dress looked like a bird molting feathers at the bottom.



April's dress

•  Valerie- Cries-A-Lot- Listen, for one of my early season favorites the girl has fallen and hard. Her print was actually really cute and in a different silhouette and base fabrics it could have been something special. But what Valerie produced was boring, unoriginal and ugly. The flap panels made it look like an upside down flower on the bottom and a figure skating outfit on the top. It was just a hot tranny mess. Sorry Val, it was time for you to go

Winner: Mondo

Out: Valerie

PS. Don't forget to read G-Fab's thoughts on this episode!

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SUNDAY PIC: My stepdad's cooking

This is an actual picture from my house that my mom submitted to Failblog. My stepdad actually burned a hole through our frying pan. He didn't do it intentionally, he turned on the wrong burner which happened to have a frying pan full of grease sitting on it. We didn't realize until there was a hole in the pan and the burner was ruined. And no, we still haven't replaced that burner on our stove.

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