Year In Review (Part 1): Open LetterDear 2010:
So long and don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. Seriously 2010, you fucking sucked ass. I don't think i have had a worse year in my life. I mean you set the bar super low for 2011 to be better. Hell, all it would need is like one good thing to happen for it to be infinitely better than you.
Lets just start at the beginning, kay? First, there was my speeding ticket. The first one i have ever gotten in my life, and the cop wasn't even cute and it was in goddamnspeedtrap of a town. I mean i could have gotten over it if i had least gotten a cute cops phone number out of it. But no, he was boring and didn't have any leniency that it was my first ticket ever, fucker!
Then there was getting rejected from all 6 of the PhD programs i applied to. Nothing says "its gonna be a crappy year" like watching your entire life's ambition go down the toilet. Do you have any idea how hard I fucking worked for that? I have still not gotten over this blow to my everything and have periodic crying fits about it. I hope your happy 2010 for screwing up my psyche for life.
But no, that wasn't enough- you had to make it worse. I couldn't find a fucking "real job" (sidenote: I am a waitress I do have a job, just not one that allows me to live above the poverty line) so i had to move back in with my parents. Do you know how depressing it is living with your parents at age 26? I didn't think so. Worse they live in a hellhole of a town that i have spent the better part of my life trying to get out of. I need daily doses of chocolate and wine to not run screaming into the night because this town sucks so hard.
I know you're just sitting there laughing with glee about all the misery you have inflicted on me this year 2010, but guess what- you are about to be fucking over. So while i have to continue with my life and all the mayhem you caused, you get to retire to some nice condo in Boca to live out your years with Long Island Ice Teas. But I assure you, one day 2010, I will find you and inflict all this misery back on you.