Thursday, December 16, 2010

A Notorious Egg Slut (TC 8.3)

Okay, so i know this blog is like way super late. I'm sorry, with Christmas and all the other assorted shit I've been doing (AKA sleeping) I just haven't gotten around to watching it. So I'm going to do something completely different this blog. I'm going to live blog it... well okay I'm going to blog it as i watch it on Tivo, which is like watching it live except 24hrs later and with a pause button. But it's exactly the same, Okay? Okay don'tcallmealazyass.

First up is the contestants talking about how Bat-shit Crazy Jen went. I mean it was an EPIC fallout. Then they bitch that Jamie is still here cause she cut her finger. Boo-fucking-hoo to both of them. They could have kicked them both off and I would have been fine with it.

QUICKFIRE: They split the teams into 4 groups of 4 for a Mis-En-Place relay race and then dish creation. First each member of the team must prep either garlic, lamb or artichokes. The Green team consisting of Italian Sausage Fabio,  Russian Bride Angelo, Other Tiffany and Douchebag Mike stomp everyone else's asses and hit a clock that starts a 15 minute timer for everyone to finish their dishes. The Red and Blue teams finish shortly after but the White team  (consisting of Marcel, Bitchy Tiffani, Pissed off Asian Dale and Hootie Ho Carla) takes forever and only has 8 minutes to cook.

The White team makes lamb carpaccio because that means they can use raw lamb as does the red team (Happy Gay Dale, Hurt Finger Jamie, Antonia and Casey). The Blue team (Professor Blais, Sexy Fedora Spike, Tre and Stephen the Sommelier) makes a lamb chop with crispy artichokes. The Green team makes a lamb chop with garlic and yogurt. The Blue teams wins and each member gets to take home five thousand dollars but no immunity.

ELIMINATION: Each group with dine at a new york restaurant and then create a dish for that restaurant.
  • Green picks Ma Peche which is the Guest Judge David Chang's Restaurant (Eclectic Asian food)
  • Red gets Townhouse by David Burke (modern American Food)
  • Blue gets Marea by Micheal White (Italian)
  • White gets Wd-50 which is Wylie Dufresne's restaurant (molecular gastronomy/french-ish)
But the team members will be working against each other and two people will be going home. Italian Sausage Fabio is already upset because he has to cook French and Vietnamese food, which is so out of his Italian comfort zone. So the Green team goes to eat and Russian Bride Angelo doesn't STFU and other Tiffany wants to bitch slap him, and honeslty I can't blame her. Angelo kinda likes to hear the sound of his own voice. Stephen the Sommelier has the same can't STFU problem. What is with mouthy chefs? You're paid to cook, not sound pretty. Everyone Hates Marcel is blown away by the food at WD-50. You can tell he looks up to Wylie Dufresne and its kinda cute on Marcel (granted i just think Marcel is cute). But Carla is intimidated cause its so not her style of food. Hootie-Hoo, Carla and you'll be just fine.The red team seems to have the most out-of-body (or maybe out-of-food experience) at Townhouse when their cocktails come out with dead fish in them.  The food looks like Dr. Suess took a cooking class and then went to town. I mean this food looks like the cracked out version of Green Eggs and Ham.

Then they are off and cooking. Marea and the blue team are up first: Tre makes Swordfish, Sexy Fedora Spike makes seared Branzino (which is apparently a Seabass- yes I had to google that, getoffme), Professor Blais makes a crudo of Spanish Mackerel, and Stephen the Sommelier makes Salmon with figs. None of this seems particularly Italian to me. I mean where is the pasta? but then I'm not a chef or Italian so wtf do i know anyways?

Ma Peche and the Green team are the second to go. I can't understand half the shit that is coming out of Fabio's mouth right now; its something about an Asian grandma and making pasta. Dude, i need captions for him some days. Fabio made roasted lamb with BBQ sauce, Other Tiffany made a crudo of summer flounder, Douchebag Mike made sockeye salmon, and Angelo made turmeric marinated fish with shit and white chocolate. White chocolate and fish? OMG seriously i think i need to vomit thinking about that but the Judges seem to really like it.

Red team and Townhouse are third, and apparently Happy Gay Dale needs reassurance from Casey that his food is good, but he's taking the kitchen sink approach to cooking and throwing everything in. Dale made a roasted veal loin with peanuts, popcorn and French toast. Yes, i would consider that kitchen sink cooking. Antonia made a pea puree and a carrot puree with scallops, however, it kinda looked like baby food with scallops thrown on top of it. Casey made a coconut halibut "scallop" with tapioca. Jamie made smoked tomato and bacon soup with a salad. Jamie's food looked the most normal but at Townhouse that could be a problem.

White and Wd-50 are last on deck. Pissed-off Asian Dale makes a sunny-side up egg dumpling with braised pork belly. Bitchy Tiffani makes three types heirloom melons with powdered ham and cheese. WTF, i don't even understand the idea of that dish. Carla makes a southern favorite of Shrimp and Grits (btw, biggest seller at the restaurant i work at) with poached shrimp. Everyone Hates Marcel makes Vadouvan Lamb with Tzatziki sauce.

Russian Bride Angelo, Pissed-off Asian Dale, Tre and Antonia are in the top and Stephen, Bitchy Tiffany, Fabio and Happy Gay Dale are in the bottom. This makes me sad because I love Italian Sausage Fabio, even though I only understand half of what he says, and Happy Gay Dale.

WINNER: Pissed-Off Asian Dale and he gets a 6 night trip of New Zealand. Color me Jealous!

OUT: Stephen and Happy Gay Dale.

**Quotables**
"It doesn't look like curry, it looks like popcorn butter, so i'm going to make popcorn with it"- Happy Gay Dale

"It tastes like a head shop"- Anthony Bourdain on Stephen's food.

"Were you aware that Wylie Dufresne is a notorious egg slut?"- Anthony Bourdain

"I have great knowledge of Led Zepplin, doesn't make me Jimmy Page."- Tom
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