Thursday, December 9, 2010

Oh, Wow (TC 8.2)

"Oh, Wow" - Bitchy Tiffany

That sums up my thoughts on this episode perfectly. Its the second episodes of Top Chef All-Stars and the shit has already hit the fan. I mean i knew this season was gonna be great and drama filled, but i didn't expect the gloves to come out so early.

So after some discussion of last weeks challenge and a collective sigh of relief that they were not the first person eliminated, the Chefs find Joe Jonas of squeally Jonas Brothers fame arriving in their kitchen. My first thought was "ewwww Jonas brother" but that was quickly wiped away when Pissed-off Asian Dale thought he was a pastry chef.

QUICKFIRE: Create a midnight snack for children staying the night at the Natural History Museum, there would be no plates or utensils though.

The Chefs all ran around like chickens with their heads cut off and Pissed-off Asian Dale took all the sugar from the cabinet so everyone had to search for it. Ultimately in the bottom was:
  • Other Tiffany- who made some coconut ride pudding balls with applesause (EDIT: apparently it was grapefruit sauce- even worse). That looked unappealing even over the tv screen. It was just so bland looking. Put some color in there!
  • Douchebag Mike- who made a chocolate coconut corn bar. It looked like cow poop that rolled downhill into some corn.
  • Stephen the Sommelier- who made a snickerdoodle with mint, white chocolate and apricot. Stephen just doesn't cook for kids, his palette is too high brow for that. Kids don't like mint.
On the flipside was Bitchy Tiffany- who made a chocolate rice krispie snowball thing. I wanted to reach through the tv screen and steal one. I have a serious chocolate addiction.  Sexy Fedora Spike was also in the top for potato and carrot chips with a marshmallow and marscapone dipping sauce. But instead of picking a winner the Jonas Brother told the contestants that the kids at the Natural History Museum would choose. So the chefs divided into two teams (Marcel and Spike together- totally sexy) to make a 150 servings of Bitchy Tiffany and Sexy Spike's dishes. Then they took them to the museum where in a shock to no one, Bitchy Tiffanys chocolate rice krispie snowball won, because all kids love a sugar high.

ELIMINATION: Then Tom comes in and tells the Chefs that their elimination challenge starts now. They will stay in the two teams they are in and create breakfast for the kids staying the night in the Natural History Museum and their parents. But the two teams will either have to use the diet of the T-Rex (meats, cheese, dairy only) or the Brontosaurus (Fruits, Grains, Veggies only). Because Tiffany won she got to choose which her team would cook and she went T-Rex. Now at the time this seemed like a no brainer. I mean all kids love eggs, bacon and sausage, whereas the Bronts only have like pancakes (which i forgot you can't make pancakes without eggs and milk).

Anyways, the chefs had to sleep at the Museum and Stephen the Sommelier whined because he's used to like an actual bed and real accommodations. That boy needs to live a little and like go camping or something. Get Dirty Boy. Anyways, the two teams come up with game plans and then all the girls go to bed while all the boys grab flashlights and go search the museum. I'm sorry, those girls are so boring. I would have totally been grabbing a flashlight and going to search the museum. I mean doesn't every little kid want to be locked in a museum overnight?

Then the challenge begins at 4 am, which sucks because 4 am is only a good time for sex, hangovers and sleeping.  Then Jamie slices her hand open and has to go get stitches (boo-fricken-hoo).  The T-rex team realizes they are in real trouble because they have no spices, herbs or anything else to really flavor their meat and eggs. The judges and kids come in and eat and have a delightful conversation about how kids don't like vegetables. I dunno about everyone else i was happy to see Katie Lee (formerly-Joel), the host for the first season, back as a judge. I was happy for two reasons: 1. because its nice to see the show acknowledging her existence and flashbacks to season one and 2. because it reminded me how glad i am that Padma now hosts the show. Katie Lee was always so boring and monotone.

Anyways, it seems a no brainier than team Bronto was the winner even though they had those yucky vegetables. The judges seemed to like Sexy Fedora Spike and Hootie-hoo Carla's V9 Gazpacho even though it was a little too spicy for the kids. They raved over Italian Sausage Fabio and Stephen the Sommelier's Gnocchi with Spinach, leeks and mushrooms and Everyone Hates Marcel, Professor Blais and Russian Bride Angelo banana parfait with roasted berries.

On the flip side, team T-Rex seemed a little surprised that they lost and they seemed very mad that they didn't have anything besides meats, eggs and dairy. I don't know what they missed because it seemed perfectly clear to me when Tom explained the challenge. But then Jen lost her mother fucking mind. She yelled at the judges, she argued and basically she came off as a complete bitch. I mean no one likes to be criticized and i get that, but that is the point of the show. I mean the judges just do their job and not knowing your dish is bad is worse than admitting to your mistakes.

WINNER: Angelo, Marcel and Blais

OUT: Jen

**Quoteables**
"Basically I'm making Crack for Small Children"- Nice Dale

"In Italy, a midnight snack is a roasted chicken with some pasta"- Italian Sausage Fabio

"I'm giving a Ritz cracker Hand Job"- Nice Dale (while helping make Bitchy Tiffany's snowballs)
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