I Gave Birth to a Chinese Prostitute (PR 8.12)
Challenge: Design an outfit drawing inspiration from a New York City Landmark. I give this 3 corn husk dresses out of 5, cause this challenge has been done a couple times before and there are a lot of landmarks in NYC.
Now don't get me wrong. I love me some NYC. I mean its the center of the universe and all that Rent shit. But seriously, could the designers have picked less interesting landmarks? I mean from the minute they announced the challenge i knew someone would do the Statue of Liberty (Michael C.), the Brooklyn Bridge (April and Mondo), and Central Park (Andy). In fact, I was shocked no one decided to do Times Square or the Empire State Building. Maybe because there wasn't enough designers for someone to take those? I was actually pleasantly surprised that Gretchen went to the Lower East Side. Personally, I would have gone with Yankee Stadium even though those motherfuckers are losing to the Texas Rangers right now and it is making Baby Jesus cry. Also it is making me cuss at my tv for hours on end and then not write blog posts, but thats a totally different blog post altogether.
Onto Runway: I'm putting these in order of "way to play it safe" to "Omg, are you on crack?" Plus i'm going to give the odds on each designers chance of winning this season.
- Mondo- Mondo took this great picture looking down from the Brooklyn bridge at cars and then tried to translate it into a dress. Which would have gone better if his yellow sequin fabric worked out for him, but it didn't. His outfit was still cute and still very Mondo but also very done. I mean i love me some houndstooth fabric but he's used it several times this season and i kind want to see him do something else. That being said, Mondo was so going to Fashion Week and I think he's a lock to win the whole thing.
- Andy- Andy went to Central Park and yet managed to make a dress a Chinese prostitute would wear and then he edited it to make it something Kate Beckinsale would wear to a wedding in the next Underworld movie (and yes, they are making a 4th and she will be back- maybe Andy could do the costumes). I didn't see any Central Park in it at all, unless he was in the Bat Cave at the Central Park Zoo and dreamed of Dracula. Still it was very Dominatrix-Xena- Warrior Woman that Andy has been doing all season. I still love him and i was happy he is going to fashion week, but really lets stretch here a little Andy. Still if anyone is going to give Mondo a run for his money its Andy.
- Michael C.- Oh the Statue of Liberty, I'm sorry people keeping making crappy dresses using you as an inspiration. Not that Michael's dress was that bad it was just very boring, ho-hum, play it safe. I mean it was very simple and elegant but I expected the judges to rip him apart for it. The back was cute but his model's back was weird. Also $500 dollars to make that? I'm pretty sure G-fab could do it for $55.95. I have to say i get a small source of joy that Michael C. won this challenge because i'm sure somewhere Ivy is screaming out in pain about it.
- April- Did it come as a shock to anyone that April chose the Brooklyn bridge and then used like all black (with a little bit of purple) in her outfit? I'm actually surprised that her reasoning wasn't "I choose the Brooklyn bridge cause its so dark with all the car-crashes and suicide jumpers and gore. It's depressing and that's why i chose it." But her dress was atrocious. It was my least favorite outfit but that been my MO with April all season. I mean it was something a pregnant witch would wear. She made a size 2 model look like a size 14 and thats never a good thing. And then the heavens finally parted and King Kors finally said what i've been saying all season: That April is a one-trick-pony and she has sent the same outfit down the runway like 10 times. There is no joy or fun in her clothes. "The sadness is numbing." If i had to see 12 of her outfits come down a runway I would need a bucket of Ben and Jerrys and a prescription for Zoloft to keep myself from inflicting physical pain.
Odds: Never Gonna Happen!
- Hitler Gretchen- Listen, i give Gretchen a lot of hell. Mostly because she has been a bitch all season and is partially delusional (but not full out delusional like Ivy). But i really wanted to like her this episode because she chose the Lower East Side, its not exactly the first place you think of in NYC. Then she did that cute brick skirt with the black lace and then lined it with Leopard print. Girl, i love me some Leopard Print- just ask G-fab. But the whole outfit just never came together and it was a sad mismatch and strangely too commercial. I mean i could see the whole outfit selling at Wal-mart and that is not a plus. But i was actually okay with her going to Fashion week. I might hate her, but she is the kind of person you love to hate. Plus seriously, her 12 looks will be better than April's black coma collection. The girl could still pull this season out though. If she wants it bad enough she could win it.