Thursday, September 9, 2010

Stop Making My Life Hell

So everyone here should know that i currently work as a waitress. And everyone also knows that i just went through Labor Day weekend hell. For those who don't know, I happen to work in Myrtle Beach, SC, which is a major tourist destination in the US. Not only that, i work at one of the major hotspots to visit at Myrtle Beach. So needless to say, it was motherfuckingbusy this weekend. Saturday night there was an hour and forty-five minute wait time just to get sat at my restaurant. Anyways, like typical people were snotty, rude and generally unpleasant to me, which made me think: some people just don't understand what its like to work in a restaurant.

And so i have compiled a list of the top ten things people should know about restaurant waitresses:
  1. It's not the waitresses fault you have to wait to get a table- Seriously, we can't help it most of the time. If you see open tables its often because we just don't have enough servers to wait on all the tables in the restaurant. I mean we can only wait on so many people at once. Also, many times the wait at the door has to do with the cooks. They can only push out so much food at one time. 
  2. Servers are not stupid- Yes, i work as a waitress. I also have a masters degree and speak 3 languages. I'm not a high school drop-out that got knocked up with kids at 16. Please stop generalizing that all waitresses are stupid. I had a table over the weekend that treated me like i was a motherfucking idiot. I treat my dogs better than they treated me. But they couldn't pronounce "salmon" correctly, so i think we know who wins in this fight..
  3. We aren't rolling in money- sure, we get paid in cash and sometimes we make 200 bucks in a single night. But for every 200 dollar night there are 3 days where we don't break 50 bucks. Also, we have to tip out the food runners, bussers, bartenders.
  4. We bust our asses- People seem to think if they don't see their server that they are sitting on their fat asses somewhere doing nothing. WRONG. If you don't see me I am probably rolling silverware, or refilling the ice buckets, or bussing tables, or waiting for your food to come up. Just because you don't see me working doesn't mean i am not.
  5. We are not mind readers- If you tell me you want your cheeseburger plain, I don't assume that means without cheese. I also don't know that you are allergic to dairy/wheat/crawfish/air or that you are morally opposed to eating pork if you don't tell me. And seriously, if you are in a seafood restaurant and you don't tell the wait staff that you are allergic to shellfish, you deserve to die of an allergic reaction. The Darwin awards called and accepted you as a member.
  6. I can tell in the first 15 minutes how well you are going to tip me- No joke, if you sit down, don't acknowledge my presence and then treat me like i am stupid, I know you aren't going to tip me well at all. At that point, you become expendable to me. I'll treat you well because its my job and i don't want you to bitch to my boss. But don't expect me to be quick on your refills or to go out of my way to get the cooks to do something special for you. It pays to be nice, assholes.
  7. Not everyone can be a server- I have heard it said that any stupid high school drop-out with big tits can be a waitress. NOT.TRUE. There is actually a skill set required to be a server, not every idiot can do it. You have to be able to multi-task, kiss-ass, have patience and balance, be personable and be able to deal with people treating you like shit. I've met a lot of hot-headed people who couldn't take the last part. Being personable is the big thing, we have a guy at my job who started off as a waiter and was so bad with people they made him a food runner after two days of training. The simple fact is not everyone knows how to kiss ass properly
  8. We are paid almost 100% by the customer- Waitresses make 2.13 a fucking hour. THAT'S. IT. We depend entirely on your tip, so don't be a douchebag and not tip on principle. Furthermore, I have to tip out the food runners, bussers, and bartenders every night. So when people leave me 2 bucks on a 91 dollar check, i actually lose money on that table. It's like i'm paying to serve your ass. Unless the service is so shitty that you didn't see your waitress for 30 minutes and your food was an hour late and cold, there is no excuse for not tipping at least 10 percent. If the service was really shit- tell the management that will get us in more trouble than you shitting on our tips.
  9. Stop sucking down your drinks- nothing pisses us off more than the asslicker that sucks down his drink 3 times and makes us run to get him refills before we have even taken the food order. You are not a motherfucking camel about to traipse across the Sahara, you are not going to die of thirst before i get back to your table. At least wait until after i have gotten your food order before rattling your glass of ice at me.
  10. You are not the only people asking us stuff- So are our other tables, the management, the dishwashers, the cooks, the bartenders, etc. We are constantly being asked questions or being asked to do something. So please give us a break if we forget the extra lemons, or the ketchup, or that you wanted two cherries in your drink instead of one. I had a table ask me for cocktail sauce and as i entered the kitchen to get it: I had a cook asking me about one of my tickets, the management asking me to run someone else's food, and waitress asking me to grab a bucket of ice. We get distracted.
There you go. I hope after reading this, you understand that sometimes my life is hell and not as glamorous as i make it sound (yeah, right).  Also next time you go into a restaurant already pissed off about something else, you won't take it out on the waitress. Otherwise, she might accidentally drop a pitcher of sweet tea on your lap.

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