Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Project Runway: I Take New York From the Balls (8.7)

Andy's bikini and wrap
Hello Kiddies, its time for another weekly installment where i complain the judges are on crack and that half the designers are evil megolmaniacs.  Yes, thats right- its time for another PR rant.

Challenge: Design resort wear, then Tim came in with the velvet bag of doom and told all the designers they would be designing their clothes, but that someone else would actually be executing the look. I give this 3 corn husk dresses out of 5, because its hard to work with someone else's skill set.

Anyways, from the moment the magic velvet bag of doom came out everyone start complaining they didn't want Michael C. Apparently, despite his two wins (which is 2 more than half the people on the show) Michael C. sews like a blind man with arthritis. And who was the lucky winner of working with the walking target? Mondo.

Mondo's bikini
Now listen, i have mocked Mondo all season long because he can't dress himself. I mean he just doesn't know how to put on clothes that match. And tonight i found out why- because he just runs around his apartment in his underwear. Well that makes sense because tighty-whities don't have to match anything. No wonder this guy thinks that camo, studded leather, orange glasses frames (no lenses!) and trucker hats all go together. He obviously doesn't get out in society much. But for the first half of this episode, i personally wanted to deck Mondo. He just went on and on and on about how awful Michael C. was and how he couldn't sew. I mean he was getting up to Gretchen-Level-Douchebag and then it was like the heaven's opened and Mondo saw the light. He actually admitted to being an ass to Michael C. and that Michael was more talented than people gave him credit for. Thank you Mondo for coming back to the lightside. We knew you had it in you.

Gretchen's design
Anyways, the designers were losing their minds because someone else had to execute their looks. Stalin Ivy (upgraded from Ivy Goebbels) changed her design 3 times because she didn't think Michael D. could execute it. Then she stood over him like some sort of KGB prison guard while he tried to sew it. I mean really? Michael D. is not an idiot regardless of what Ivy seemed to think and standing over him like a schoolteacher about to whack him with a ruler is not going to help his sew better. I wouldn't have been able to work under that kind of pressure.

Hitler Gretchen talked to Casanova like he was a deranged seven-year old, causing Casanova to quip "She believed that i am a retard." Valerie and Andy seemed to have the best team dynamic because they both respected each others skill set. That is until Valerie had a nervous breakdown when Tim and Michael Kors came by to do critiques. Listen, i love Valerie- she is one of my early season picks to make it to the finale. But she does pick some god- awful colors for clothes, and to be honest the tape-measurer as a headband look is only going to take you so far.

April's look
Anyways onto the runway: Overall it was another really blah episode when it came to the clothes. Michael C.'s pantsuit thing was actually kind cute and it was nice to see a pattern for a change. Oh how i long for the days of Uli and her adorable German accent and cool pattern dresses. Mondo's bikini and jacket was actually really adorable IMO, but the judges were right when they said it could be found in any Target or JCPenny in America. I mean it would totally sell though.  Sidenote: Nina when was the last time you were in a Kmart? You can never find cute, well-made clothes in Kmart. You mostly find stuff even bums wouldn't want to wear.  I loved loved loved Andy's bikini and wrap. I don't care what the judges think about the color scheme, i loved that purple and silver/grey together. If i saw that on a rack anywhere, i would be picking it up to try it on. It was so gorgeous that even G-Fab wanted to buy it.

Ivy's sad outfit
And then there was the bad (and alot of crap that made me go whuuh?): Michael Ds outfit did not look like resort wear it looked like something someone would wear to a funeral. I personally thought it was ghastly and way too complicated and ugly for resort wear. Ivy's neutral color scheme was in full swing again, and she made this top that was long with a skirt that was long. It was just too much long and uncolorful and sad. Seeing this outfit makes me think Stalin Ivy's childhood vacations were spent in stamp museums or in a sweatshop sewing soccer balls together. And of course, when she made the bottom 3 Stalin Ivy threw Michael D. under the bus, ran over him, backed-up and ran over him again and the found a tank to drive over him with too. I could tell the judges were appalled by her behavior and so was I. He only executed Ivy's sad and dowdy look, Stalin Ivy still designed it. And i don't buy her crap about that being all Michael D. could sew, i have seen him make much much better things. Stalin Ivy is just evil and delusional.

Then there was Hitler Gretchen's jumpsuit monstrosity. Okay, the bitch loves a jumpsuit- I get it. But did she have to use the worlds ugliest color combination and then make her model look pregnant. Only Hitler Gretchen could make a size 2 model look like a size 20. I mean her jumpsuit even made her model look like she had a fat ass. It should have been auf'ed just for doing that. Also it made her model's boobs look like they were down by her belly-button, because that's so flattering right? April's outfit looked more like bad lingerie than a resortwear look. Valerie only managed to squeak by because the top of her outfit was weird and the bottoms weren't much better. Casanova got reamed for designing old lady clothes again, although i didn't think his outfit was that bad. Yes, it was a boring color scheme and it was more work wear than resort wear and it was made for an older clientele. But listen, 50 is the new 30 and old bitches want to look stylish too and Casanova made an outfit that would have worked for that.

And then the judges were obviously doing acid during judging because they loved April and Michael Ds design, and hated Mondo's and Casanova's. And there were way way way worse designs that Mondo's and Casanova's (cough cough Gretchen). This is the second season in a row where i have to question the Holy Fashion Trinity's taste level. It's like somewhere after season 5, they just stopped caring about what was good and started caring about driving the viewers totally up the wall.

Winner: April

Out: Casanova
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