Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Project Runway (8.9): We're having a bridesmaid- pageant problem

Chris's high-fashion design

So i'm back from my hiatus, refreshed and ready to wonder what kind of shit the judges were smoking during judging this week. Because yet again, i think they jacked everything up. I realize this comes as a shock to no one, as i have been saying that all season.

Challenge: Create a high-fashion look inspired by some $8 buck eyeshadow on sale at wal-marts everywhere. I give it 1 1/2 corn husk dresses out of 5. I could have put words into a hat and created a more interesting challenge than design based on some cheap eyeshadow.

I have to say i was pleasantly surprised that this weeks episode was devoid of any of the faux- stupid- ridiculous drama that the show fabricates. Which isn't to say that there wasn't drama as Hitler Gretchen has decided that the Bordeaux wine-red color that has been used all season (vomit, really pick another color) was her color -and how dare that Michael C., who sews like a blind man with 3 fingers and arthritis, dare use her color.  I mean Hitler Gretchen was seriously pissed off he had the same colors as her, like it matters. I love the color pink, but that doesn't mean i get to bitch slap G-fab everytime he shows up in a pink button down looking way better than me. I do, however, think about taking off my shoe and beating him with it when that happens.
Andy High-Fashion Design

Moving on, when Tim came with the *surprise twist* (which was a surprise to no one who regularly watches PR) to create a ready-to-wear (RTW) companion for the high fashion look. I don't know why the designers were surprised by this, its a pretty standard weapon in the PR arsenal. But yet, there stood everyone mouths agape like they just got out of a production of Deep Throat. Seriously, shut your mouth before someone shoves a cock in it. And by someone i mean the PR producers who apparently think that this season is amazing even though it sucks harder than a NYC prostitute.

With so few designers left i can actually make comments on all of them, YAY!

  • April-  Sweetie, I'm gonna give you the same advice i gave Ivy Stalin a couple weeks ago. Color will not hurt you. I have seen enough babydoll-punk-black-funeral wear outfits from you to last a lifetime. Taste the rainbow. Her High Fashion was boring and her RTW look made her model look fat, which is hard to do with a size -2 model.
  • Mondo- The boy can't dress himself but he knows how to design. I love his use of color- its not as good as Uli's use of print, but its close. His High-fashion look reminded me of a peacock tail but it was fabulous anyways. The back was gorgeous and he took a big gamble using all those pattern fabrics and colors. I mean it could have been a hot-tranny-mess and it wasn't. His RTW garment was adorable and very slimming. I wouldn't have bought it, but i would have made UNC_Sis try it on at a store.
  • Ivy Stalin- While i applaud the queen of Beige for using color this week, it would be helpful if her designs didn't suck. Her high fashion dress looked like a bad bridesmaid's dress from the little mermaid and her RTW look was boring boring boring and made the model look fat. The color was the only thing keeping those dresses from being sucked into the black hole of blah.
  • Michael C.- I honestly didn't have a problem with his dresses aside from that awful wine-color him and Hitler Gretchen keep fighting over. Yes, the train on his high fashion dress did look like it was made from all the curtains in Tara (thanks Michael Kors) and his RTW dress was a little too short, but neither were as bad as Chris or Gretchen's outfits.
  • Chris- How he did not end up in the bottom 3 is beyond me. His high fashion design was atrocious. I mean the lace cut-outs and the with the aubergine color- eww. Then there is the fact that it looked lie a marshmallow exploded on it. It was just a fail. His RTW was just boring. Chris is lucky that other people shitted on their designs worse because his was pretty awful
  • Hitler Gretchen- This is where i wonder what the judges are smoking before runway. Her high fashion look was something akin to a molting hippie mu-mu. I mean everything about it was wrong, the color, the fabric, the beading, the feather- it was just wrong. There was nothing high fashion about it at all. Her RTW outfit was not cohesive with her high fashion look and honestly it was just boring. Personally i think that Hitler Gretchen must have blackmail on the judges because i cannot figure out for the life of me why they love her clothes so much.
  • Valerie-Cries-A-Lot- For someone who was one of my early favorites, i cannot seem to remember why i like her anymore. Between her constant crying and every episode breakdowns, her clothing is total suckage. Her high fashion dress was like a white-angel dress that wasn't high fashion and was really boring. Her black RTW dress wasn't cohesive with her high fashion dress, looked poorly made and was ugly and boring, Then her belly-aching after she wasn't auf'ed about how she deserved to be auf'ed made me want to take a knife to my own throat. I kind want her to just have a nervous breakdown next week and start throwing fabric around the room like a wood nymph so she can get carted off to the mental institution. That would be more interesting than anything else she has done in the last 4 episodes.
  • Andy-  Personally, i think he should have won. His high fashion outfit was impeccable. I haven't seen pants that well made since Christian Siriano. Plus his warrior design was amazing and just really cool to look at. His RTW dress was adorable, its exactly the kind of little black dress I would want to wear, plus it matched his high fashion look without being costumey or a bad knock-off. 
Winner: Mondo

Out: Ivy Stalin

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