Thursday, August 5, 2010

You Can Lead a Horse to Water, But You're Still a Motherfucking Asshole

 So it has been awhile since I've bitched about people and things, so I'm long overdue for a ranting session on motherfuckers I can't stand. If you don't want to hear me bitch/whine/complain/cuss-like-a-sailor and generally be an awful person, I suggest skipping this post altogether. Now that you have had fair warning:

The Water People at the Dog Park- I love my dogs. Being a good mommy means that I take them to the dogpark so that they can play and beat up on wimpy dogs. Plenty of people at the dogpark piss me off but the two type of water people piss me off the most. Type A are the motherfuckers who have to bring special bottled water and dogbowls for their dogs because they don't want their precious spoiled puppies to drink out of the community water bowls and tap-water. Listen assholes- your dog licks its own ass; it doesn't need special bottled water. And unless you didn't get your dogs its shots (and then why the fuck did you bring it to the dogpark) it isn't going to catch anything from the communal waterbowls.

Type B are almost more annoying. These are the douchebags that stop their dog from playing, drag him/her to the waterbowls and try to force it to drink. Your dog will drink when its thirsty. I have never seen a dog dehydrate itself because it was having so much fun playing fetch. Standing there, holding the dogs face to the waterbowl is not going to make it drink. Its going to make the dog piss in your bed for being a douchebag. Seriously, you can lead a horse to water but you're still a motherfucking asshole.

Fuckers from Middle/High School- Recently I have been Facebook friended by people who i used to go to middle school and high school with. This in itself doesn't bother me. I've pretty much forgiven all the assholes who used to pick on me in middle/high school. I was an easy target. I was an ugly duckling: I had frizzy hair, zits, coke-bottle glasses and I lived with my head in a book (I have systematically gone through and burned every picture of me from age 11-15). On top of that I was kinda weird. I bleached my hair platinum blond, wore combat boots with daisy dukes and was an honors student. I mean picking on me was like shooting fish in a barrel; so i try not to hold it against most people. I've actually had people apologize for being such dickheads to me.

But the other day FB suggested a person in the "people you might know" section. This particular girl was the biggest fucking bitch to me for absolutely no reason. I think some guy she liked might have liked me (cause i had boobs) and that's where her animosity came from. Unfortunately, we ran in the same group of friends meaning all her friends were my friends and so i had to deal with her on a daily basis. Seriously, this girl tried to make my life a living hell. I actually remember faking sick one day during class so that i could go home because she was being so awful to me. Anyways, the awful person that i am kinda wants her to try and FB friend me just so i can rip her a new one. The great thing about being 26 and accomplished is that i can rub it in all the noses of people who were bitches to me.

Am i way out of honest, there are some people who you would do the same to if you could right?
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