Thursday, August 19, 2010

Who Wants to Fuck Me?

So I have always had a running gag that there is a three-page application to date me. Well recently a friend of mine has been asking to see it, so i thought what better place to put my dating application but on my blog. So for everyone to fill out (because you bitches are sexy) my dating application:

1. Name:

2. Age:

3. Height:

4. Highest Education Received:

5. College Major (if applicable):

6. Job:

7. Star Wars or Star Trek (both is not an option):

8. Pepsi or Coke:

9. What are your feelings on Ghost Hunters:

10. If i were to suddenly break into a spontaneous naked dance party (that may or may not look like a seizure) what would you do?

11. Would you let me ride a 100 year old cannon at Gettysburg?

12. Would cleaning up dog shit, dogs jumping on you, or a constant licking of your feet bother you?

13. Do babies make you nervous? How about people with special needs (this also includes Mimes, because no person in their right mind would be a mime. Freaky fuckers)?

14. On a scale of 1-10 how freaky are you in bed (1= missionary position only, 10 = dominatrix outfits and midgets covered in chocolate)?

15. Its 3 am you can't sleep, where do we go?

16. I'm drunk, what i am mostly likely to be doing?

17. Do you have a motorcycle, tattoo or piercing (bonus points if its a Prince Albert)?

18. If I am pissed off and throwing shoes at you, what did you fucking do wrong (bastard)?

19. Are you willing to admit that you are wrong even if you are not just to get me to stop yelling at you?

20. Are you more likely to find a girl attractive eating a salad or a bacon cheeseburger (the salad people can stop taking this application now)?

21. I'm terribly devastated at the loss of a reader on my blog, how do you console me?

22. Socks with Sandals, discuss:

23. Train A is leaving New York heading west at 20 mph. Train B is leaving Sacramento at 45 mph heading East. Both trains are pulling 3 carts filled with live animals. Train A is Grey, while Train B is blue. What kind of flowers do you buy me for valentines day?

24. Are you currently a virgin?

25. Are you now or have you ever been: transgendered, a homosexual, a drag queen, in prison, a mall cop, a fan of Miley Cryus, a vegan, a member of PETA, in love with a cactus, an alien, on Jerry Springer, a member of a cult, into cocaine, a stalker, obsessed with Bill Clinton, building a robot, a bad tipper, or a fan of the Milwaukee Brewers?

I will score your responses in the order than arrive.


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