Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Fuck My Hair

No Seriously, Fuck My Hair. Anyone whose taken 20 seconds out of their day to look at my picture and you should cause I'm mother fucking hot, who doesn't want to tap my ass my have noticed that i have curly hair. Not just curly hair but Shirley-Temple-Wannabe baloney curls. Seriously, when i was 5 i was a mini-walking-talking-tapdancing Shirley Temple look-a-like complete with blonde-blonde hair. My mother used to have people cross parking lots to tell her how cute i was (its sickening right?)

But while it looks adorable, curly hair is a motherfuckingpainintheass. It's unruly, it does whatever it wants, you can't get a brush through it. Everyone seen the scene from Princess Diaries where the Brush breaks off in Mia's Hair? THAT.IS.MY.LIFE. Seriously, it takes shampoo, conditioner x2, gel, blow-dry with diffuser, silk therapy frizz serum and hairspray just to tame it daily. When i go on vacay i bring twice as much hairshit as i do clothes.

So recently I have moved back in with my parents (yes, it sucks don't remind me) and instead of walking my dogs for 10 minutes 4x a day, now i get to walk them for 30-40 minutes once a day. Which would be great but that means me and my hair are out in 90 degree weather in 100% humidity in NC.  Which for those you who don't understand means its So-hot-i-melt-out-of-my-clothes. It also means that my hair is out in all that humidity. When i come back from my walk i look like goddamn Sideshow Bob from the Simpson. At this time everday i contemplate shaving my head, but i am neither Bruce Willis or Demi Moore and i cannot rock the shaved head look. Plus i think my head is lopsided. No, i don't know for sure but i certainly don't want to shave it and find out. I look enough like a sideshow freak from the carnival already without making it worse.

Don't even get me started on what it looks like first thing in the morning. I look like little orphan Annie on crack. I mean seriously there is nothing cute about a white chick with a big ass red afro. Hence, my cycle starts again and i comfort myself with a shower and my hair products.

Also seriously, what is up with the shoes on this girl? Did she take some of her pubes and paste them onto her shoes? That's some sick shit.
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