Monday, May 10, 2010

My Quarter Life Crisis

So what do you do when nothing in your life goes the way you have planned?

PANIC

No seriously. G-Fab will tell you, I have been going through my Quarter-life crisis for like a year now. I left a decent paying job (that i hated) as a bank teller to go back to graduate school because i thought History was my calling. I mean i have always loved it and I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it. Now that I've finished Graduate school and won't be going on to PhD this year, I don't really know what to do with my life.

I still think History is my calling and PhD is where i am going to end up. But i don't know what to do in the interim. I've started job hunting which sucks balls but i have yet to hear back from any of my applications. I have till the end of June to get a job and find a new apartment. Otherwise i have to move back in with my parents, which is something no self-respecting 26 year old wants to do. Plus I'd have to get rid of one of my puppies. *sadface*

It's just really scary having no idea where my life is headed. I'm used to planning everything in advance because i am an anal-retentive, micro-manager, nutjob kind of person. I had all the best laid plans- they just didn't work out. So now i am floating in the void and i have no idea what is going to happen. What if i never find a job? What if i have to go back to waitressing? What if i am still living with my parents when i am 30?

This just isn't where i expected to be at 26 years old. I thought i would be at some great job i loved and married and starting a family. Or at least I expected to be... somewhere. I don't feel like anything has changed for me since i graduated high school. Sure I have two more degrees, but i just don't know where my life is going. I'm still just pushing forward without being able to see the road ahead of me. I don't know what I'm searching for or where its heading. For all i know i could be going down the entirely wrong path. I just feel adrift in life...

Yes, I realize that i am blowing this out of proportion. I will most likely find a good paying job and be just fine. It's just the not knowing that makes me a crazy person...
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