Sunday, May 2, 2010

Bitches are Crazy

I have lots of friends particularly male friends. This shouldn't come as a shock to anyone. I grew up hanging out with my male cousin and his friends, which were all boys. I can throw a football, hit a baseball, catch frogs, and work a power drill. So it should come as no surprise to anyone that the majority of my closest friends, as an adult, are male. This is not to say i don't have female friends, as obviously I do.

Unfortunately, being a semi-hot female with a lot of male friends means i have to deal with a lot of crazy bitches. I don't mean my female friends. I mean the girlfriends/ex-girlfriends/significant others of my friends. Let me get this out of the way right now. I have not now nor do I ever intended to sleep with a guy that is in a relationship. I'm just not that kind of girl. If a guy wants to be with me, he's gonna have to dump the girl first. That doesn't mean I don't get crazy bitches thinking I'm out to steal their men.


Lets start with my ex-coworker Charlie*. We worked together for 4 years. Some time after we stopped working together I left a message on his Myspace (back when it was still cool) saying i missed him and to stop by next time he was in town. Within 24 hours, his GF had messaged me asking who the hell I was and what my relationship was with Charlie. This was a scary looking black girl and I'm a skinny white bitch that does not get into fights. So i quickly sent a message back telling her i had worked with Charlie and his brother and that we were just friends. She turned all sweet as candy then trying to play it off, but it was the last time i ever left a message for Charlie. In fairness, Charlie had kissed me once at work, but it was before they had started dating I think.

Then there was Ken* who was one of my 5th floor boys. He and his GF had been together since High School, and i had met her and we had gotten along fine. But apparently not long after she decided something was going on between Ken and I. He promised not to be friends with me anymore (he lied to her) and every time we hung out and she called I had to be super quiet (and no one else in the room could talk to me for fear of her hearing my name). Then they broke up, she dated someone else but yet this continued every time she called. This actually continued with some girl he dated after her too, at which point I told the new girl "Listen, i was friends with him before you got here, if i wanted him I'd have had him already."

This doesn't just happen with my straight male friends either. G-Fab's ex-boyfriend hated my guts, which was ridiculous because G-fab is gay. He's not suddenly going to go straight for me. This ex didn't like that G-fab would choose me over him, even thought I'd been G-fab's bestie for 4 years at the time. I mean I would be in the car as G-Fab would be lying to him about where he was and who he was with because he didn't want this guy yelling at him for choosing to hang out with me (I am fabulous). This guy ended up being creepy-stalker nuts anyway. He would call like 20 times an hour and he got even crazier when G-Fab dumped him.

This is just a sampling of the crazy ass bitches i deal with. I have dozens of stories just like this about other guys with other girlfriends, many of which I have met and been super nice to. Because i learned along time ago, if you are not nice to the girlfriend, they don't let you hang out with your friend. I just don't understand why i am somehow pegged as some interloping whore that's after these guys.


*Names have been changed to protect the innocent and their crazy exs
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