Saturday, April 17, 2010

Things My Dogs Do Not Allow Me to Do

I love my dogs. I mean how could anyone not love these faces?

Okay, maybe Nixon looks a little disheveled in that picture (and up to mischief. He's always up to mischief), and Kennedy always look like a whore. But really, they are mostly good dogs and i love them very much. Heck, they are spoiled rotten.Which isn't to say they don't make me totally nuts, because they do all the time. In fact there is a list of things they don't let me do:

Take a Nap: Forget naps;I can't even lay down on the couch with one of them trying to lay beside me which makes the other one jealous so then they go through a series of stealing the spot next to me from each other. Until Nixon finally wins and Kennedy lays on top of me, and then Nixon gets jealous and tries to drag her off me. You ever tried to take a nap with two dogs jockeying for spots? I get stepped on, nudged, nipped at, jumped on. You can't sleep during that. And trying to take a nap in my bed? Forget it. Then they wrestle on top of me.

Eat Anything:I actively try to schedule my meals at work. I have been known to eat lunch at my job when i am going home right after. Why? Because the dogs sit on either side of me with their noses so close to my plate that if i'm not watching the will steal my food. So i have to use a squirt bottle to keep them far enough away from my food that i can change the channels on the TV without my sandwhich disappearing. Worse, I'm on a time limit. If I don't finish my food in what Nixon deems an appropriate amount of time, he gets all aggrivated with me and barks and growls at me until i finish and he can lick my plate.

Read/Write/Watch Tv/ Be on the Computer: I expected a lot of things when i got my dogs. I expected them to beg for food or get sick, or sleep in my bed. I did not expect, however, to get the Licky-Monsters. They lick me to death. If i'm sitting on the computer Kennedy jumps into my lap and starts licking my face. If i'm writing in my planner Nixon licks my hand holding the pen (remote control for TV works the same way). If i am reading a book one or both of them are licking my arms/feet/ face. I feel like i get 3 baths everday, and i have tried to get them to stop. I even bought the sour spray they have for dogs to stop them from chewing on things and sprayed it on my arms. Did it work? No, it made me feel all sticky and they just kept right on licking (plus the stuff smelled awful).

Put on Shoes: In my apartment shoes are synonomous with "outside" because i don't wear them otherwise. So the minute i put my shoes on they both freak out and start jumping around like i am going to take them out. I can't run to the car/soda machine/dumpster without Nixon jumping at me and Kennedy running circles around my feet. Seriously, even if we just came in from a walk and i change shoes because i have to leave for class this happens. Rational- my dogs are not.
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