Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Some People Should Not Be Parents



So if you have turned on the news recently, you may have seen the story about the Tennessee woman returning her adopted son to Russia. I, like most other Humans Americans am totally outraged about this. But lets go over the facts of the case first.

Tennessee woman adopts a seven year old boy from Russia. She renames him Justin. He lives with her for about six months, before she puts him on a plane and sends him back to Russia with a note saying that "she no longer wanted to parent him." The mother claims the boy was disturbed, violent and threatened to kill her and burn the house down.

Listen, I am sympathetic to this woman's plight (slightly). When I first adopted my dog, Nixon, from the humane society -he was a fricken pain in the ass. He was not housebroken,  he destroyed things (4 pairs of shoes, 3 pillows, 12 pens etc), he chewed on electrical wires (and electrocuted himself). Worst of all, he bit me repeatedly- not I'm trying to hurt you bites, more like i want you to play with me so i nip at your calves bites. At one point I couldn't wear skirts/shorts because my legs were covered in bruises from him. And after 2 months of it, I seriously contemplated getting rid of him because I couldn't handle it.

But did i get rid of him? No. I got books, I went online and finally after 3 months i found a training method that go threw to my dog, and now he's a good little dog (albeit mischievous as hell). Because that's what happens when you get something/someone from a damaged place. Nixon hadn't been loved before, he hadn't been taught to be a good dog. This boy had been taken away from his alcoholic mother just a year prior. He didn't know love. He didn't know how to behave and certainly a year in a Russian orphanage had to mess with his psyche.

But you don't toss a child out because he's not perfect at first. You find ways around it. This woman never took the child to counseling, although she herself went to one. She never took him to psychiatrist or therapy. He was never tested to see if medication could help. I have no doubt that this child was bad and damaged and abused, but you don't put him on a one-way flight to Russia, alone, with a note for the Russian Embassy. That is unconscionable. You find ways to work around it, and six months with this boy certainly was not long enough to make a dent with him (dogs are slightly easier than children).

This woman should have never been a parent. What made her think she could be a parent to a seven year old boy from Russia by herself, i will never know. But anyone who goes through the long and arduous process of adoption has to have done some research on it. She had to have known this child wasn't going to be perfect, and she had to know that it was going to take him time to adjust to a new name, country, language, family. All things he had never had before. Some people should not be parents. Heck, this woman shouldn't be allowed a puppy.
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