Friday, April 23, 2010

The Mommy Gene

I have long believed that i did not acquire the "mommy gene." You know its the gene in women that drives them to have children. Some women know right away if they have it or not. Take my mom, she always wanted to have kids even from a really young age. She always just wanted to be a stay at home mom. Now, she gets to do that and she loves it. Which isn't to say that it isn't tiring or infuriating, but my mom loves little babies and diapers and that stuff

UNC- Sis has always had this gene too. She loves little babies and baby clothes and all that stuff. I, however, have never believed i had the mommy gene. Newborn babies scare me. I don't even think i held Lil Miss Sis until she was 6 months old. I'm terrified of babies. I'm afraid I'm going to drop them or break them or they won't like me. According to my mom, babies pick up on that stuff too

But recently, I've been entertaining the notion of having children. Don't get me wrong, babies still frighten me. But i love toddlers. Lil Miss Sis is fun and adorable. I love the loo of joy she has when i come home to visit. She points and squeals and jumps on my mom like she's so excited to see me. I love playing with her and her toys. I can't wait till she can play candyland and chutes and ladders with me. I still don't think i have the mommy gene, but I'm willing to try and learn.

The only thing, I'm afraid i waited too long to realize this. I soon to be 26, and while I still have plenty of years to have children I don't know how long its going to take me to find "the one." I never thought I'd get married or have kids and now that i want that i don't know how to find it. Its not something i can plan for or work at like everything else in my life. So i could find it tomorrow or i could never find it at all. That sort of unsettles me.


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