Wednesday, January 6, 2010

My Own Worst Enemy


So for my 2010 New Years Resolution I decided it was time to stop screwing myself over.

Okay so that needs some explaining right? I'm 25 years old and I've been a lot of places and I've done a lot of things. But when i look in the mirror I don't see the person i am, i see the person i was in middle/high school. I still see the socially-awkward, fat, ugly girl who is super insecure about everything.

The thing is i stopped being that girl along time ago. And for awhile i knew that but somewhere down the line i forget and regressed. I've spent so much time hiding in the person i was instead of the person i am. I've allowed myself to believe that i'm not good enough, or smart enough, or pretty enough. I've allowed myself to believe i don't deserve to be happy or in love or my success. I've screwed myself so many times allowing myself to settle for second best, or settle for what i think i can have rather than what i deserve.

But as of Jan. 1st 2010 that is over. Its time to start seeing whats actually there which is this:
A 25 year old gorgeous, funny, smart, goofy, sweet, silly girl. Whose accomplished more than I give myself credit for. I have my bachelors degree- I'll get my masters two days after i turn 26. I'm applying to phd schools. I've lived in 8 cities in 3 different states. I've worked as a bank teller, waitress, resident advisor, for a library, for a multi-billion dollar corporation. I received awards and a scholarship. This is the girl i have to start seeing in the mirror.
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