Open Letter to my Apartment Complex

So for those of you who don't know, i live in apartment building about a mile from where i go to grad school. There are all sorts of people who live in this complex. Undergrads, people with kids, married couples, and people like me. So an incident happened last night and it makes me want to write this letter and shove it under the door of every apartment in the complex.

Dear asshole,

I just wanted to personally thank you for shooting off firecrackers last night at 3 a.m. I realize that on your vampire-like schedule that it was really like noon, but some of us are actually asleep at that time. So thank you for the loud bangs next to my building. Thank you for the light shinning in through my windows, i hadn't realized that my room was too dark. Thank you for scaring the shit out of me and my dog. But most of all thank you for shooting them off in the courtyard between the four buildings; so that you were able to simultaneously wake up the entire apartment complex and nearly catch the buildings on fire. It takes a special kind of retard to be able to pull of something so illustrious. I hope your mother is proud.

People like this should be shot on site. He/she is lucky i didn't have time to call the cops because i would have loved to. I mean really what kind of arrogant jerk thinks 3 a.m. is a good time to set off firecrackers? He/she is so not winning neighbor of the year.

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American Idol: I love Norman!

So American Idol purists are going to hate me for this one, but i love Norman Gentle. I think he is the funniest contestant on the show ever (sorry Chris Sligh, you are now number 2). Can he sing all that well? No, not really. Not to say he doesn't have a good voice, i mean it is certainly better than mine but he's no Whitney Houston (and really who would want to be right now? is she even out of rehab yet?). But the guy is funny. He doesn't take the show too seriously like some other contestants *Cough Tatiana Cough* and he is doing what he really enjoys; singing and making people laugh. I mean isn't that what the show is about, following your dreams? I have to say he is succeeding in that.

I know AI is supposed to be a singing competition, but lets be honest its a reality show. It does things on purpose to boost it's ratings. And in all seriousness after the Sanjaya incident a few years back, can anyone really gripe about purity of the show and looking for talent? This show is like the Presidental Election; it's a frickin popularity contest. The best candidate doesn't always win. I mean Taylor Hicks over Chris Daughtry really? Lets compare record sales on that one. So I am for Norman Gentle. I'm not going to pick up the phone and vote for him to stay. But in all fairness the last time i voted was for Clay Aiken in season 2. So lets just have fun with him

For those who missed last nights performance or who don't watch the show:

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Cartoon Nostalgia: Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers

So I grew up in the late 80's early 90's and i have a fond memory of those times in my life, although it was a strange time. So on Saturday mornings I get up and i make myself pancakes and i flip on the tv. So scrolling through the listing at 9-10 in the morning, I am always shocked by the lack of cartoons. Now i grew up with the best cartoons ever, and the ones I've seen my siblings watch nowadays just suck in comparison (I'm looking at you My Gym Partner's a Monkey). So i thought i would do a Cartoon Nostalgia series highlighting my favorite cartoons from when i was a kid (which albeit wasn't that long ago).

First up one of my all time favorites: Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers. If you missed out on this show when you were a kid it really is a shame. It was one of the funnier shows (granted the 5 year old me had a very different sense of humor). The basic idea is that Chip and Dale, the two lovable chipmunks, start a detective agency. For those who never saw the old Disney cartoons. Chip is the smart logical one and Dale is the goofy, mischievous one.

Anyways they form a detective agency. They hire Monterey Jack, an Australian mouse, who has toured the world to help them. One of the funniest bits with Monterey Jack is that when he smells cheese his mustache curls up and he goes into this trance and like follows the smell. It causes some trouble. Along with Monterey Jack comes Zippy the housefly, who can't talk. The also hire Gadget Hackwrench, a female mouse, to be the team's pilot, mechanic, inventor, and because you have to have the token chick in a tv show. And basically they solved crime.

The show premise isn't all that elaborate but it was funny and geared for kids so it worked. I mean the evil villains were typically Cats or Lizards (because we all know how evil they are). The big thing is that show didn't try too hard. It was just good wholesome fun, and isn't that what you always want your kids watching. It might not be highbrow humor but it has to be better than Kappa Mikey. In fact the nostalgia craze has both a Volume 1 and a Volume 2 on DVD. Also episodes and the theme song can be found at Youtube.

Similar Cartoons:
TailSpin
Darkwing Duck
Duck Tales

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Do You Not Have the Weather Channel?

So i ran out tonight because i needed soda and i was having a craving for Taco Bell and Chocolate Chip Cookies (No, i'm not pregnant). And i get to Wal-mart and i'm trying to park and all these people pass me wearing shorts. Now, i live in North Carolina, which is not like living in Michigan but it does get cold here. We have a winter, it might not be -12 below but it does get cold enough to snow. This winter has been particularly fridiged for us, it's snowed a couple times and it hovers between 24-48 most days. We had a week that was particularly warm and it reached 70, but that was two weeks ago and its been cold since then.
So imagine my surprise when i'm walking around Wal-mart and there are people in shorts and flip-flops. Now this confused the hell out of me. It's cold as shit out. It could be snowing right now, the wind is howling and here are this dumb fuckers in shorts. No, what is wrong with you? Do you not have the weather channel? Are you impervious to wind? Do you not feel anything at all? because its cold out. I lived in NJ, i know when its cold. I used to walk from my car into my job in heels and 2 inches of snow. Listen i know this in NC and its supposed to be warm all the time, but its not and wearing shorts and flip-flops when its cold only makes you look like a dumbass (or Canadian, which they get a free pass). Buy some damn jeans like the rest of us!

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President's Day Trivia

I always feel sorry for presidents day. It is like the overlooked, forgotten, red-headed stepchild of holidays. Most people don't even know when it is and I don't even get out of class/work for it. But being a Historian (of sorts) means that i do quite love it and feel the need to celebrate it anways. Here is one trivia* fact for every president:

• George Washington never chopped down a cherry tree. The story was made up by a biographer after Washington died.
• John Adams and Thomas Jefferson died on July 4th, 1826 (the 50th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence) within hours of each other. Adam's last words were about Jefferson, not knowing his friend had died hours earlier.
  
• When Thomas Jefferson was inaugurated he was given a cheese wheel that weigh 1,235 pounds. 4 years later at his second inauguration he was still serving that cheese.
• James Madison was the shortest president checking in at 5'4.
• James Monroe was the only president since Washington to run for president unopposed.
• John Quincy Adams owned a pet alligator and he kept it in the white house.
• Andrew Jackson was the only president to serve in both the Revolutionary War and the War of 1812.
• Martin Van Buren was the first president born a U.S. Citizen.
• William Henry Harrison had the shortest president term dying a month after being inaugurated.
• John Tyler had the most children of any president with 15.
• James Polk voluntarily retired after one term.
• Zachary Taylor died of iced Milk and cherries.
• Millard Fillmore established the first permanent library in the white house.
• Franklin Peirce was the first president to have a Christmas tree in the white house.
• James Buchanan never married and many historians think he may have been gay.
• Abraham Lincoln was a fan of his assassin John Wilkes Booth (an Actor) and had invited him to visit the White House.
• Andrew Johnson was a self-taught tailor.
• Ulysses Grant is a cousin of Judy Garland
• Rutherford B. Hayes won the Presidency by one electoral vote.
• James Garfield was the first left-handed president.
• Chester Arther changed his pants several times a day.
• Grover Cleveland is the only president to serve two nonconsecutive terms making him both the 22nd and 24th president.
• Benjamin Harrison was the grandson of President William Henry Harrison and the great-grandson of a signer of the Declaration of Independence.
• William McKinley was the first president to ride in an Automobile.
• The Teddy Bear is named after President Theodore Roosevelt refused to kill a captured black bear just for the sake of a kill.
• William Howard Taft became Chief Justice of the Supreme Court after his presidency and swore in two presidents.
• Woodrow Wilson had his PHD in History and Political Science from John Hopkins
• Warren Harding had the biggest feet of all presidents wearing a size 14 shoe.
• Calvin Coolidge had a pet raccoon named Rebbecca.
• Herbert Hoover spoke Chinese
• Franklin Roosevelt was the president the longest serving 12 years.
• Harry Truman was the first President to ride in a submarine.
• Dwight Eisenhower was the only President to serve in both world wars.
• John F Kennedy won a Pulitzer Prize for a book he wrote before becoming president.
• Lyndon Johnson took the oath of office from a woman.
• Richard Nixon was the first president to visit all 50 states.
• Gerald Ford was born Leslie Lynch King Jr.
• Jimmy Carter studied nuclear physics.
• Ronald Regan was the only president to be divorced.
• George H.W. Bush hated broccoli and refused to eat it.
• Bill Clinton was a Rhodes scholar.
• George W. Bush was born on the same day as Sylvester Stallone, who is one of his favorite actors
• Barack Obama collects Spiderman comic books

* Anything i didn't know offhand was found here

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Could We Possibly Drag This Out Longer?

If you managed to turn on the news and miss the whole A-rod steroid scandal; well, first i wonder if you've lived in a box? Second, apparently way back when in 2003 (like 6 years ago) A-rod admitted to doing steroids during anonymous MLB drug testing survey. So did 103 other MLB players. The test was supposed to be anonymous and A-rod claims he hasn't done them since. And since they initiated drug testing in 2004 to make sure players weren't doping and A-rod has come up clean, I tend to believe him.

Now i am not an A-rod fan. I had high hopes for the man when we first got him (especially after he broke a bat during practice in spring training). But his lack of performance in actual games and the fact that he is mildly obsessed with Derek Jeter has turned me off to him. For the record I worship at the alter of Jeter, and i resent the competition (I'm kidding of course). Needless to say A-Rod is never going to make my list of favorite Yankees players. He doesn't even make my list of top five current favorite Yankees players (Jeter, Posada, Joba, Rivera, Pettitte). He didn't even make last years Fantasy Baseball team and i have Red Sox's players on that (Because no can argue with the greatness of Beckett, Pedroia, and Ellsbury). Even though i have no love for A-rod i think this steroid scandal is ridiculous. Could we possibly drag it out longer? The man apologized, it was 6 years ago, he hasn't done it since. Can we get over it?

Personally, I think that they should release the other 103 names on the list. Why? Because i would rather have it all out in the open now rather than have another steroid scandal break out every 6 months. I mean we are never really going to get the integrity of baseball back. It will never be the same as when DiMaggio and Ruth played. But that is true of every sport. Steroids have changed the integrity of all sports forever. No matter how great a player is, fans will always wonder in the back of their minds if the players are doping. On top of that i'd hate to think baseball players are getting blackmailed over that stupid steroid list. Lets just have it out now so that it can be one big blip on the baseball radar rather than 104 tiny blips in succession. Maybe once it is all out in the open we, the baseball fans/fanatics, can move past it and get back to actually enjoying America's pastime.

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The Scarlett O'Hara Complex

So I've been meaning to put this blog up forever and i've never found the appropriate time for it. I my not very long life i have come across what i consider to be the "Scarlett O'Hara complex." Most recently i have seen men with it, but trust me it is gender neutral. If you have never seen Gone with the Wind I suggest you go rent it. It is a fabulous movie but very long, so i suggest plotting out a day for it. I suggest if you don't want to be spoiled on the plot you stop reading now.


Okay, So in the beginning of the movie pampered, privileged Scarlett O'Hara finds out that the man she secretly is in love with, Ashley Wilkes, is going to marry someone else. Scarlett goes to Ashley and professes her love and he claims to love her in return but is going to marry Melanie anyways. Rhett Bulter witnesses the exchange, and tells Scarlett her secret is safe with him. The Civil War happens and Ashley and Rhett are off to war. During this time Scarlett becomes friends with Melanie. Rhett shows up at a ball and dances with Scarlett and tells her that he is going to win her heart, which Scarlett says will never happen. A series of things happen, and Scarlett marries Rhett (mostly for his money). All the time Scarlett is throwing herself at Ashely behind Melanie's back. Scarlett gets pregnant twice by Rhett although both children end up dying. At the end of the movie Melanie dies and tells Scarlett to take care of Ashely the way Scarlett always took care of her (Melanie). Scarlett then watches Ashley break down at the death of his wife and realizes that Ashley never loved her at all, and that Scarlett had loved something that had never really existed. She realizes she loved Rhett all along and she runs home to tell him, only to find him packing his bags to leave. Rhett tells her she can be with her Ashley and that he is done with her. Which is where the famous, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn" line comes in.

So what is the Scarlett O'Hara complex? It's falling in love with a person and a relationship that doesn't really exist while the person you are supposed to be with is right in front of your face. I've seen people do it dozens of times. I've done it myself, its an easy thing to do. You get so wrapped up with this one person and you fool yourself into thinking if i could just get them everything would be perfect. You end up falling in love with the idea of being in love with that person when in reality you barely know them.

The worst part is being the Rhett in that equation, because you end up waiting for them to realize that they are supposed to be with you. But by the time they do it's too late. You've exhausted too much time and energy that you don't even want them anymore. But love is funny that way right?

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Forgetting Who You Are

So over the weekend i went out to my alma-mater to visit family and friends. Saturday night i ended up at a party with a bunch of friends i haven't seen in like a year (some longer than that). But the minute i walked through the door and a couple of them promptly freaked out that i was there (it's been along time), it was like nothing had ever changed. It's amazing how easy it is to fall back into familiar patterns. I mean K* was yelling at me, I was telling D* not to be a smart ass.

It was like i had never left at all. Okay, thats not entirely true. Before i was the lone adult with these crazy teenage guys and now were all like adults. So thats different. It's weird to think of them in that light because they have always been like my little brothers and now they are like you know adults. Either way It was exactly what i needed. I have been so stressed out with graduate school and i stopped having fun. I think i forgot what it was like to have fun. These guys just made me forget all the crap i've been stressed about. They know me as me, not me as in crazy-stressed out about grades-going to kill someone me.

Its weird but each incarnation of me is different. The people who knew me in High School know me as one person. The people from Undergrad know me as another and the people in Grad School know me as a third. The thing is all three variations are all me. They are just all me at different points in my life with different people. My Undergrad friends are nothing like my Grad School friends, so each group sees a different side of me. Somewhere along the line in Grad School i had forgotten about the Undergrad me. That girl was pretty fucking awesome (although totally a bitch). So I just needed a reminder of who i am and why i had so much fun back then. If that makes sense at all.

*Names have been deleted to protect the guilty and stupid

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