Thursday, October 8, 2009

Maybe This Time...


So I don't talk about my love life a lot. This is mostly because there is a lack of anything happening with it. I am so wrapped in Grad School most of them time I forget that i am allowed to have a love life. That on top of the fact that I don't meet a lot of guys that i am interested in, or are interested in me. For years its been part of my self-esteem issue. I have never thought i was very pretty and slightly chubby. But recently i lost 12 pounds and found a few new guy friends who remind me every day that i am in fact- hot (although, sometimes i don't believe them).

But very recently i met a guy who i fell for, and i tried to talk myself out of it like a dozen times (a sure sign I like a guy). I mean he's funny, smart, cute, religious, loves his family, loves sports. I mean he's just about everything i'm looking for. And on top of it, I just love being around him. I always have so much more fun when he's around. And the feeling seemed to be mutual, I have never had a guy flirt with me that hard that quickly.

Then he dropped the "I'm Not Ready For A Relationship Card" on me.

Now for people who don't know, 90% of the time a guy uses that line what he really means is:
"I think you're hot and I'll sleep with you, but i am never going to date you. Its not that I'm not ready for a relationship, I just don't want one with you."
So needless to say i was kind of insulted. I have had that line used on me many times in the past, and i fell for it all of once before realizing what was going on. But after actually talk with this guy (a couple days later, when i was less pissed), I realized he was actually being sincere. While he may or may not want a relationship with me (who knows?), he actually is going through an existential crisis right now. He doesn't know what hes doing with his life and he's thinking about leaving the state. So while i want to be mad at him. I really can't be. Plus he's such a good friend, and i love being around him, so I'd hate to lose him. But I'm not going to be sleeping with him either.
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