Saturday, February 28, 2009

Open Letter to my Apartment Complex

So for those of you who don't know, i live in apartment building about a mile from where i go to grad school. There are all sorts of people who live in this complex. Undergrads, people with kids, married couples, and people like me. So an incident happened last night and it makes me want to write this letter and shove it under the door of every apartment in the complex.
Dear asshole,

I just wanted to personally thank you for shooting off firecrackers last night at 3 a.m. I realize that on your vampire-like schedule that it was really like noon, but some of us are actually asleep at that time. So thank you for the loud bangs next to my building. Thank you for the light shinning in through my windows, i hadn't realized that my room was too dark. Thank you for scaring the shit out of me and my dog. But most of all thank you for shooting them off in the courtyard between the four buildings; so that you were able to simultaneously wake up the entire apartment complex and nearly catch the buildings on fire. It takes a special kind of retard to be able to pull of something so illustrious. I hope your mother is proud.

People like this should be shot on site. He/she is lucky i didn't have time to call the cops because i would have loved to. I mean really what kind of arrogant jerk thinks 3 a.m. is a good time to set off firecrackers? He/she is so not winning neighbor of the year.
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