Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Confession: I Have Historical Tourettes

So I had a moment today when i realized that i have Historical Tourettes. For those who don't know what Tourettes is: It is a disease where the patient has motor and vocal tics, but is most often signified by uncontrollable shouting or yelling of a profane nature. Historical Tourettes is not an actual disease but something that often happens to History majors or people who know a lot. Historical Tourettes is the uncontrollable need to explain the historical story, significance, or meaning to people who really don't give a damn.

So my moment of realization came when a coworker made a comment about hot sauce and Bloody Mary's. As i went to open my mouth about how the term Bloody Mary was used to refer to Mary Tudor, the first daughter of King Henry VII, when i realized i had Historical Tourette's. Mary got this knickname by having three hundred religious dissenters burned at the stake. It's like word vomit. I can't stop this information from coming out of my mouth even though i know no one gives a shit besides me.

I should have seen the symptoms years ago. I was always the student in my classes who knew the answers other student didn't. How did Zachary Taylor die? (Iced Milk and Cherries) Andrew Jackson's Vice President? (Martin Van Buren) In What war did Francis Scott Key write the Star Spangled Banner? (The war of 1812). I have always felt the need to tell my family and friends stories even when they don't care. In fact i am suppressing the urge, currently, to tell my mom why it's ironic Andrew Jackson is on US currency. The fact that i spent two hours once trying to determine if a movie was historically plausible should have thrown up all sorts of red flags. And don't get me started on how the Tudors is all historically wrong (although Henry Cavil is wicked amazing panty-wetting hot)

So now that i know i have this problem, is there any way to fix it and do i really want to?
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