Thursday, April 24, 2008

Stealing My Thunder

So yet again my best laid plans get foiled. I have gone out of my way to find out my coworkers didn't find out about my acceptance to Graduate school . I did this for two reasons: 1. I didn't want anyone to know until i had actually made a decision because i didn't want to jeopardize my job and possibly career for a maybe. 2. Because it's a hard decision to make on its own and the last thing i need is people's opinions in my head.

This is one of those life altering decisions. I have a job that could easily turn into a career. The Bank is something I'm very good at. I can easily move up in a few years to Teller Supervisor or Relationship Banker and eventually Bank Manager. It comes with a great benefit package that allows me to have vacation and a life. It pays well enough that i can live on it, mostly. But Getting my PHD is my dream and there is something to be said about chasing your dreams. I don't know if want to settle for less. This one of those take one path or take the other kind of choices. I can't take both. So the last thing i need is other people in my head when I'm figuring this out. I don't need someone's negative opinions coloring my judgment about my life.

But i am stupid. I told just one of my coworkers and i stressed to her "do not tell anyone else" about this. She's the trustworthy sort of girl. In fact I see a lot of similarities between me and her. She has future dreams of grad school as well so i figured i could share what was going on with her. For two months she hasn't said anything about it but the other night she was at dinner with another coworker and they were talking about how they expect a lot of the staff will be leaving shortly and she made a mention of me getting into grad school. Well this particular Coworker has a big mouth like a really big mouth. She doesn't keep anything secret and she shares all of her personal life with the bank. Which is fine for her, but i like my personal life to be just that personal. I don't like people in my business. So she comes in today and says out loud in front the whole bank my bosses and everything "Why didn't you tell me you were going to grad school?"

I felt like all the air had just been knocked out of me. Not only was she telling everyone my personal business, she was stealing my thunder right out from under me. I couldn't even be like yeah i got in congratulate me (cause its really really hard to get into grad school), I had to sit there and downplay it like it wasn't a big deal. But it is a big deal to me! I just didn't want to make a scene over it because then everyone would feel the need to give their opinions about it. It costs too much or it's too much work or you'd have to move etc, etc, etc. I didn't even get to share my own news or even be excited about it. She totally ruined it for me. I couldn't even be mad about it because she didn't know that everyone else didn't know. She thought everyone else knew and that i just hadn't told her, which wasn't the case.

I was totally distraught about the whole thing. When the coworker that i had originally told her i had to ask her what possessed her to tell. And then i felt worse because i told her what happened and she felt bad about it. I didn't want her to feel bad because by the time she came in i wasn't so upset anymore. It was just a mess. All i can hope is that this whole thing blows over quickly and i can go back to pretending they don't know.
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