Saturday, April 5, 2008

Life and Stress

So with life comes stress. For me waking up in the morning in stressful because i know i have the whole day to go. I find that stress comes in three varieties:

1. Outward stress- Stress caused by things outside of your own control. Car wrecks, Stock market crashes, IRS audits, Not enough days in the month. These are all things you have no control over and they can make havoc on your life.

2. Inward stress- Stress that you cause yourself. Picking up three double shifts in a row, blowing all your money on beer so you can't pay rent, Dating. You typically create this drama in your own life.

3. Other People- People get to be their own form of stress, because they are both inward and outward stress. You have no control over them, what they do, say, think or act, but they are in your life for reasons you create. Whether they work with you or they are your friends you let them in your life and you can control how you react to them.

Right now all my stress comes falls into the last 2, but created by reason number 1. I work two jobs and it sucks, but its my own fault. I work too jobs because i have to, to make enough money to live which falls into reason number 1. But I'm also too nice and i let my jobs walk all over me which is my own fault. I haven't had a day off work since February 28th and i have no foreseeable day off in site. This is partly because i can't tell my one job no, and partly because at my other job everybody else comes before me. Everyone else there needs days off during the week for actual things like appointments or scheduling crap, so they get them off and i get to work.

The other major form of stress is entirely my own. Between working the two jobs, i have been applying to graduate school. Now getting my PHD is my dream, and getting into a masters program is the first step towards that. It's cost me alot of time and money and stress but i have my applications out and am getting returns. After getting rejected twice, i finally got into one of my top choice schools. Now the problem turns towards getting funding to go, i haven't heard anything back from the school about funding, so I've been sending out emails trying to find about grad assistantships. This causes me stress cause i don't who I'm supposed to be talking to about this shit. I'm kinda just sending out random emails to people for help. Plus even though I've gotten in and I'm totally excited i have no one to share it with. I can't tell my coworkers because it's too early to tell them I'm leaving in august. My friends are all dealing with their own college graduations and grad applications.

What this all boils down to is I need a drink and to get laid. I need something to get my mind off all this crap i have to deal with.
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