Saturday, March 22, 2008

Clubhouse Cancers

In Baseball there is such a thing as a "Clubhouse Cancer." These are a particular member of the team that basically is miserable to be around and breaks the morale and chemistry of the team. If you need examples Google Terrell Owens, A-Rod and Coco Crisp. Anyways, in my world there is such a thing as a Workplace Cancer. In fact i have three of them at two different jobs. But the three of them do the same annoying things that piss all coworkers off. So if you do any of these things and/or you can't figure out which coworker is the workplace cancer (because every job has one) you could be the workplace cancer.

~First: they all think they are the boss. Nothing pisses a coworker off more than someone who has no rank or authority who thinks they can tell you what to do. Especially true if they have been there several years and you haven't even been there 6 months. Nobody needs to be told how to do their jobs unless they are being trained. The vast majority of people will ask if they need help. So stop telling us what to do or trying to help us. Most of the time they don't really want to help they just want to look like they are better than you.

~Second: They are Nosy as hell. They have to know everything going on with everyone. If two people are talking in the corner they immediately have to come over and join in on the conversation or they immediately think you are talking about them (more often the case). They have to know everything going on with everyone. If your out sick a day at work they go around asking until they find out why. The worst part of this is not only do they have to know everything going on, they feel the need to tell everybody as well. They can't keep secrets at all. The love to tell everyone else's business. If you have big news to make don't bother telling these people because they will the steal the wind right out from under you.

~Third: They will tell the boss everything you do trying to make themselves look better. Whether it is true or not, the cancer will tell the boss anything they think might be true to make themselves look better. One particular coworker told the boss that i was giving extra bread to one of my tables without charging. Another coworkers at a different job tried desperately to find out if i was moving while i was at lunch,(she had badly overheard me talking about a city i was going to on vacay) so that she could position herself to take my job . They will resort to making things up just so that they have something to tell the boss to make themselves look better.

If you are guilty of these three things you are a work place cancer. The best thing to do is smack yourself every time you go to do one of these things or get a new job where you can start over fresh. Because let me tell you, all of your coworkers can't stand you. Cancers make your life miserable to the point that you don't want to go to work, or you cheer the days the Cancer has off. Feel free to share your worst workplace Cancer stories.
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