Monday, September 29, 2014

SMM: Clark Kent's Glasses Are A Better Disguise

Episode 6: Tuxedo Mask

We open with Sailor Moon looking at her awesome new Moon Stick.

~*Shiny Moonlight Makeup Song*~

We see a sequence of the princess on the balcony  with a legion of men in suites with swords and shields storming the castle below. We see the princess scream "Legendary Silver Crystal" and then we see Mamoru wake up and look at his pocket watch. Do people still wear pocket watches besides Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory?

Mamoru says he heard someone calling to him in his dreams and opens the window to his apartment and see the outline of the princess flashing before him. He wonders who she is and what the Legendary Silver Crystal is.
I'm assuming the same morning, we cut to Usagi running up to Ami and Makoto on the street corner to walk to school. They congratulate her on one being late for a change and even I have to give her a plus +2 for that. Usagi says she has been having bad dreams a lot which keep waking her up earlier.

We then flashback to the same dream sequence Mamoru was having except Usagi sees a knight trying to save her. She then rounds the corner and runs right into Mamoru because of course she does. This anime is about as subtle as a bull in a china shop and it amazes me that iMac still hasn't put together what is going on. He watches anime's way more complicated than this one.

Usagi cries and then yells at Mamoru, who tells her that she should be more careful and calls her bun-head. It's still not the same as being called meatball head. Mamoru tries to help her up but being a stubborn 13 year old Usagi brushes him off and gets up herself. Then she gets all flustered because girl you like him and we all know it. Mamoru walks off an Makoto asks who he is. Usagi says she doesn't know but she bumps into him a lot. Makoto notices Usagi blushing and immediately starts teasing her.

Ami then notices Mamoru's outfit comes from a very elite private high school and asks if Usagi knows his name.

Usagi replies that he is Mamoru Chiba and a real jerk, because when you are 13 and you like a guy they are all real jerks to you. Makoto teases Usagi some more and I like Makoto because as least she calls it as she sees it.

Ami then notices the TV screen (in the middle of a walkway in town??) talking about Tuxedo Mask who claims to be committing the recent wave of crimes in order to obtain the Legendary Silver Crystal. The real star of this scene is a cutaway to Usagi's mom using a cat toy to play with Luna back at the house, because even though she is a talking cat with her own computer system and magically bag of tools, she cannot escape playing with a feather on a pole.
Moving on to school, the chatter is all about Tuxedo mask and the Legendary Silver Crystal. The thing is they all keep talking about the Crystal being an incredible treasure but no one knows what the fuck it is. Proof that a little mystery is the only thing needed to make something famous.

We cut away from the chatter of teenager girls to see Tuxedo Mask standing on a rooftop looking glum saying this way he can gather information and the crystal will be his mwahahahahaha

Cut to Queen Beryl watching the news from her crystal ball. Zoisite and Kunzite chuckling to themselves about how it will be interesting watching the Sailor Scouts, Tuxedo Mask and the humans all fight over the Crystal. Beryl says no, that Crystal belongs to the dark kingdom and how they have failed to gather enough energy for their dark ruler. Nephrite begs for another chance by Zoisite says to leave everything to him and his epic golden flowing hair.

That night the Sailor Scouts and Luna are holding a meeting in the arcade after dark. I'm sorry, how exactly did they get in there when its closed? I hardly think the owner gave Luna a key so she can have her secret covert meetings. Luna is concerned about what Tuxedo Mask is doing and doesn't want to think he is the enemy. Makoto asks who the real enemy is and Luna says she has been doing research and has some ideas. She tells them that the Crystal has the power to destroy whole planets. So basically its the Death Star in shiny wearable form. Luna then drops the bombshell that she was sent from the moon. So basically Luna is an alien cat, which explains her ability to pull giant wands out of thin air.

Usagi then hallucinates that the Sailor V game was talking to her and that is the least weird thing going on in this episode. Sailor Moon than asks about Sailor V and the team wonders if she is one of them... Cue Foreshadowing.

At the TV station they are talking about the Crystal and what it is. They cut to a "doctor who specializes in researching the Crystal" and its clearly Zoisite and his epic golden locks dressed as a woman. He uses the tv broadcast to transfix all the people watching into helping him find the Crystal and zapping the energy out of them at the same time.

Usagi goes home to find her mother clearing out her closets looking for the Crystal and I have to wonder, since none of these people even know what the Crystal looks like, how would they know when they found it?

Luna then talks through her computer to Ami, who is standing in broad daylight (even though it was night 5 seconds ago) saying things are getting pretty crazy with a rush of people are breaking into building looking for the Crystal that they wouldn't recognize if they found. Luna says to regroup at the arcade. When they get to the arcade it is night again. Does time change in Japan more frequently than it does for the rest of the world?

Anyways Luna then does a special code on the video game machines and a giant underground batcave opens up under the arcade machines. When did Luna have time to do all this and who took orders from a talking cat to get it done?

As they rush down the stairs one of the Sailor Scouts sums up what I am thinking perfectly, "are you kidding me?" Luna says the energy is being concentrated at one spot, the TV station. Luna thinks Tuxedo Mask is doing it and and Usagi freaks out because NOT HER SECRET CRUSH!! Luna tells Usagi to clam down, which is a bad thing to say to a woman of any age, she then says Tuxedo Mask might be tricking her and Usagi runs out like the hormonal 13 year old girl she is.

Usagi runs through the street trying to figure out if Tuxedo mask is her friend or enemy while the Sailor Scouts actually get to work bringing down Zoisite. And its CGI Transformation time!

While her team is actually doing work, Usagi gets all weak and tired probably from all the running and meetings and not eating dinner.  She starts to pass out when Tuxedo mask catches her like the good stalker he is. She wakes back up and Tuxedo Mask apologizes for causing all the chaos. He says he didn't mean for this to happen he just really wanted that Crystal but he doesn't have any bad-ass super powers like the Sailor Scouts. Usagi says she doesn't have any powers either but bitch please, we saw your super sonic cry in the first episode.

The Sailor Scouts are having no luck against Zoisite, who vanquishes them pretty freaking easily. Queen Beryl comes down from the sky to gloat and I just can't help thinking how much Queen Beryl would be the perfect outfit for a drag queen. Luna and the Scouts are all "Sailor Moon where are you??"

Just this time Tuxedo Mask tells Usagi that she'd better transform and help her friends and she's all "WHAT WHAT WHAT you know who I am?!?"

Bitch please, everyone on the show knows who you are except maybe your mother. Your disguise is more pitiful than Clark Kent's glasses. I mean if you wanted to hide yourself better you could start by changing your hair, because no one else wears it like that. Usagi gets all "woe is me" saying that she doesn't have any skills and then Tuxedo Mask pulls out the biggest sappy power- "you have a special power to make people smile." Are you kidding me? Thats as bad as being heart on Captain Planet. There is a reason they call "Heart, not it" over on Snark Squad. 

Usagi suddenly feels stronger and then transforms. Apparently CGI transformations also gives Sailor Moon the ability to jump all the way across town on onto the roof of a TV Station. That's one powerful jump.

Queen Beryl tells her to bow before her power and Sailor Moon is all "nah, bitch I think not." She breaks out "Moon Healing Escalation," which I hope sounds cooler in Japanese because it makes me think its better suited for a hospital than vanquishing foes. Anyways Zoisite gets all blasted and Queen Beryl picks up he-of-the-pretty-hair and disappears back to the nether regions. Sailor Moon heals all the transfixed people before passing out again. This girl passes out more than anyone I know. Luckily, Tuxedo Mask is there to catch her as she falls again, He creepily kisses a passed out girl again and if I was Sailor Moon I would be taking out a restraining order.

As Tuxedo Mask carries Sailor Moon home, we get our first glimpse of Sailor V and we know its the real Sailor V because its Artemis with her (looking all smug with his cat self)!!

Usagi has the dream again about the knight coming to save her and wakes up in a weird bed. She sees Mamoru's pocketwatch of the moon and I'm just wondering how she switched out of her Sailor uniform? Did Mamoru change her out of it while she was passed out, because that's creepy as shit. Also did nobody worry where Usagi was when she didn't come home the night before and none of her friends had heard from here? These are literally the worst family/friends ever.

She wonders whose watch it is and wonder if it's Tuxedo Masks when Mamoru notices she's awake from the doorway where he is creeping again. It's only then does Usagi realize that Tuxedo Mask and Mamoru look EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME!!

And then the episode ends and I get sad that I still have to wait for Episode 8 before I get my Sailor V!!

#Crystal Count: 19 (which means they said the words Legendary Silver Crystal once every 1.57 seconds)

Monday, September 8, 2014

SMM: Unsupervised Children and their Stalkers

previously on Sailor Moon, We learned that magical umbrella's can catch your fall

Episode 5: Sailor Jupiter

We open with a really pretty umbrella. I'm a little jealous the Japanese always seem to have really decorative umbrella where as the best I can find is a polka dot one. Under the umbrella a tall red-headed girl is complainig about rain. Cut to Usagi yawning and Luna chiding her for not being very observant. Lets be honest Luna, Usagi is the most clueless non-observant character on the show.  Usagi then makes fun of Luna for getting fat, because she's a cat and that is the only thing you can hurt a cat with is her weight. Of course, Usagi not being observant steps right out into the street in front of a speeding car. Luckily our tall-red head girl is there to push her out of the way otherwise this would be the shortest series in Japanese anime history.

We get a close up on the girl's earrings and they are pink roses. This is a girl after my own heart. The girl chides Usagi to be more careful, picks up her umbrella and walks off like the badass she is. All Usagi can say is "she smelled really nice." Really? She saves your life and this is the best you can come up with?

~*Shiny Makeup Moonlight Song*~

 Back in Queen Beryl's chambers she is lamenting that they still haven't found the Legendary Silver Crystal and those meddlesome Sailor Scouts and their cat have been getting in her way. I'm pretty sure there is a Scooby Doo reference to be mad her but I've had a long weekend and can't find the right words. Nephrite asks to redeem himself and says they he will uses the human's greatest weakness, love, to harness their energies for their dark queen.

Back at school, Usagi is oohing over Naru's picture of her in a wedding dress. Apparently Naru's cousin is getting married but couldn't make the fitting so Naru stepped in. I have to call busllshit on this:
  1. 1. how does the bride miss her own dress fitting? This is like the most important part of a wedding. You cannot miss the dress fitting.

  2. 2. This is commonly used trope in tv and movies that the brides misses the fitting a freind/family member/boyfriend-stealing hussy steps in. But has this ever happened in real life? No two people would be close enough in size for this. Leave me a comment if you know anytime this has actually happened in real life.
Moving on, this set-up this weekend story of a bridal shop with a ghost bride that steals all the grooms away.  While Usagi and her friend go one and one about getting married and wearing a wedding dress, we see the tall red-head girl in the background.  Usagi accidentally bumps into her and the red-head tells her to be careful again. While Usagi and her friend watch on some random teacher (who is a foot shorter than the girl) questions why she isn't in the school uniform and being the badass she is the girl tells the teacher to STFU.

We are informed she is the new transfer student in class 6 with superhuman strength that apparently got kicked out of her old school for getting into a fight. So basically she is Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Later on we see the red-head girl trying to eat lunch but is tired of people staring at her and whispering being her back so she goes outside to eat lunch alone. Girl I am with you on that. Those people are being completely rude. Usagi skips her way outside getting ready to chow down when she sees the red-head girl with a pretty lunch box. Going into stalker mode, Usagi manages to sneak up behind the girl in the least convincing way possible and sees that red-head girl has a beautifully designed lunch. Seriously, the Japanese make their lunch look so fancy and I'm over here eating badly made PB&Js.

Not being able to control herself, Usagi shoots out how yummy the red-heads lunch looks and then a baseball comes flying at her face. Of course the red-headed girl catches it with one hand, making my hand her just watching the scene. Girl has some quick reflexes. She then throws the baseball back at lightening speed and yells at them to be more careful. This scene just makes me want to sign this character to an MLB contract. There has to be some team that needs an arm like that.

The red-head tells Usagi she shouldn't space out so much and tries to eat her lunch but Usagi is all "that looks delicious" like a poor puppy who hasn't been fed in a week and the red-head ends up offering her some. Usagi goes on about how delicious it is and then the red-head tells her its easy to make, leading Usagi into a tailspin that people can cook this well and for themselves. The more the two girls talk the more Usagi is totally girl-crushing on the red-head telling her how amazing she is and that her rose earrings are lovely.

The red head admits she is new in town and living by herself, which WTF Japan? This girl is in middle school and living by herself. Aren't there laws against this sort of thing? Who rented a 13 year old an apartment to live in by herself? (before you go, In the Manga!! I'm aware of the backstory. I just think its implausible and she would have to have a guardian) The redhead goes on to say that everyone in town is scared of her and won't talk to her. Usagi laughs and asks why people would be scared of a lovely girl like her and the red-head's face says it all.

Clearly the red-head has been a social outcast for most of her life because she's freakishly tall and a badass. So Usagi being nice to her is like the best thing that has ever happened. The red-head then asks where an arcade is and they are speaking Usagi's language now.

Cut to Ami walking into the arcade to find Usagi and the redhead playing the Sailor V video game. The red-head has obviously been in several fights as she has battle skills. Usagi introduces the girl to Ami and we finally get a name for the red-head, Makoto. I've actually been waiting for a name the whole episode because in the older American version she was called Lita.

About this time Motoki- the cute arcade attendant shows up saying how Usagi has all the cute friends and I immediately think Pedophile alert as he looks to be at least five years older than them.  Makoto has flashbacks to a blond-hair guy who kind of looks like Motoki who she calls senpai and abruptly looses the video game and gets all flustered.

Motoki brings up the weird zombie bridal shop and the three girls go over there to look. Makoto falls in love with a wedding dress in the window and the three girls talk about their dream wedding dresses. Makoto says she would wear whatever dress her husband likes best and I have to throw a- 

If I had wore what my husband liked to our wedding I would have gotten married in a white lace thong and bra set. Seriously, most men can't tell the difference between pumps and slingbacks. Don't let them make your style decisions.

Moving on, the girls hear some random women talking about the ghost bride that walks around and seduces women. So the three girls go to Rei's temple to tell her about it. Rei has this weird flash on Makoto. Makoto walks around aimlessly while Ami, Rei and Usagi talk about the ghost bride giving Luna the chance to inspect Makoto like the weird know-it-all-stalker cat she is. Rei and Luna have their weird know-it-all powwow about how they will see Makoto again soon as she leaves the temple. 

Time jump: it is now the middle of the night and the creepy ghost zombie bride is coming alone. Even though its late at night Motoki is closing up the arcade and the zombie bride comes for him and tells him to be her slave with her creepy glowy eyes.  Cut to Makoto walking home even though it late at night and she is all of 13 and shouldn't be out by herself. Zombie Motoki comes up to her and tell her he loves her and transfixes her with his evil glowy stare.

Plot Convenience Alert: who happens to just-so-happen to be walking by when this is going on? Mamoru, because of course he is. He sees the evil green energy coming off zombie Motoki and  immediately knows what is going on.

After the commercial break, we find Usagi running in her dream. She wakes up to find Tuxedo Mask helping her out the window. She thinks she's dreaming and I think this is proof she has the worst cover ever. He's already figured out who Sailor Moon is. If this was Spider-man, Mary Jane Watson would be dead already.  Moving on, he takes her to where Motoki and Makoto are having all their energy zapped out of them. 

At least this wakes up Luna and the cat is smart enough to alert Ami and Rei. Somehow all three girls manage to get to the bridal shop at the same time even though Usagi had a good 3 minute head start.  Once there the ghost bride is draining everyone of their energy and the three girls are smart enough to know whats up and we get CGI transformation time,

Sailor Moon is all hell-no you don't get to use people's love against them and the ghost bride throws rose petals at them? Mars manages to do her fire thing and make the roses disappear. About this time Nephrite shows up and calls them all pathetic and easily fooled by appearances.

And now we conveniently cut to a flashback of Makoto being in love with some older boy who blows her off for his girlfriend. Makoto is crushed and decided to leave town and go to a different school because a boy blew her off. I'm sorry if I got to move everytime a boy didn't like me back I would still be moving around. Anyways this causes Makoto to go into a downward spiral of no one understanding her and no one loving her and being alone. I'm pretty sure every 13 year old girl has felt that way once but at least Makoto has legit reasons for feeling that way.

Sailor Moon talks her down from the ledge like every good friend does until nephrite cuts her off an uses the ghost bride to attack the three girls. Makoto gets all-hell- no and starts throwing people around with her superhuman strength. Then out of nowhere, because the cat fucking knows everything, Luna throws her a pen. Somehow Makoto knows exactly what to do and is not freaking out about the talking cat and transforms into Sailor Jupiter.  More CGI transformations but the lightening does look amazingly cool.

Nephrite can't believe his amazingly bad luck. I have to say there would be less sailor guardians if the four pretty boys of the apocalypse would stop causing trouble. Jupiter attacks with her own flower petals and Nephrite has a weird deja vu feeling with Jupiter (I will leave the speculation to you guys). Jupiter then whips out her tiara antenna and lighting blasts everyone away in a bad-ass bitch kind of way.

All the zombie people wake up and we see Tuxedo mask run off the roof while Luna questions his motives. Jupiter than explains that she wanted to move because of her broken heart but also because the wind told her too. I kind of wish the wind would tell me what to do with my life. 

Luna then whips out a new wand, which really where does the cat carry all this shit? She doesn't have enough fur to hide it all and its not convenient to hided it all in that video game machine. Luna slides the wand over to Sailor moon and dubs her the leader and all I can think is why? Usagi is clearly not the person you would want to be in charge of a crime fighting unit. She should be in charge of a cake finding unit.  Luna tells her its her job to protect the princess they haven't found yet and the silver crystal they also haven't found yet. Should be easy to protect if you don't know where they are in the first place.

Only two Legendary Silver Crystal mentions and Usagi didn't even cry once this episode! 

Next time we get some background on iMac's biggest question: what the fuck is up with Tuxedo Mask and his stalking? 

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Don't Freak Out: Marriage Edition

So you  guys might remember that I got engaged in May and then promptly broke the zipper of my wedding dress in June (and then cried). Well I am pleased to announce that on August 15th, iMac and I eloped in Savannah, Georgia.

This is not to say that everything went according to plan. In true, Coyote Rose fashion I was a complete nervous wreck/pain-in the ass about everything. As I previously said I broke the zipper of my wedding dress literally ten minutes after getting the dress and that doesn't bode well for anything. So originally iMac and I were going to elope on 8/8. I picked the date on purpose because iMac is forgetful and I hoped that would help him remember. I repeatedly asked iMac to check his calender to make sure he didn't have anything going on that weekend (remember this, it will come up later). After assuring me that he was open that weekend,  I signed a contract with the fabulous woman who runs Elope to Savannah and stopped worrying about it.

Three weeks later I am flipping through my newsfeed and I get one of those ads saying "so-and-so" is going to this conference. This particular so-and-so happened to be one of my developer coworkers and he happened to be going to a conference that iMac's job was hosting. The date? 8/8.

Cue freak out. I think I yelled at iMac for about 3 days straight about this. He had apparently not written down this conference anywhere on anything. Luckily, the nice lady at Elope to Savannah let me push the date off a week to 8/15. The date isn't nearly as cool as 8/8 but I will deal.

Of course what happens next? About two weeks later, iMac gets offer a job with an 60% salary promotion and promptly leaves his old job for this new one. Freeing up the 8/8 date and making me want to get all stabby with my-soon-to-be-husband. Granted the extra $$ he is making at his new job pacified me quite a bit, but still.

Anyways, so the elopement came and went more or less without a hitch. However, because we were doing it out of town and I need the marriage license to get my passport fairly soon (iMac and I are going to Cuba for Christmas), we wanted to get the certified marriage license the same day as the wedding. I didn't think this would be a big deal. The wedding was at 3 p.m., the marriage license office closed at 4:30. Simply enough right?

I love this picture

Of course not. First the court house website lied and the marriage license office closed at 4, which was cutting it dangerously close. Luckily, the square we got married in was within just a few minutes walking distance from the courthouse so I wasn't too concerned. We did the marriage, then the photoshoot that felt like it was never going to end and this is mostly because I hate having my picture taken and finished at about 3:35 pm more than enough time to walk over to the courthouse.

As we leave to walk to the courthouse, however, the skies open up and it starts monsooning on us. Not ten minutes earlier it had been nothing but blue skies and now its a torrential downpour and I'm in my wedding dress and without an umbrella. iMac and I manage to walk under trees (thank you Savannah!) for most of the walk and then cut through the Savannah welcome center. Of course as we are doing this the rain gets worse and I don't want to go back out in the rain because hello I am in my wedding dress.

So my husband of all of 45 minutes saves the day and takes off his flip-flops and runs in the pouring down rain the last 1/4 of a mile to the courthouse, while I sit on the welcome center stairs. He returns about 20 minutes later, soaking wet with our marriage license. I'm pretty sure I made out with his face for 10 minutes as a prize. We waited another 5-10 minutes on the welcome center steps until the rain magically disappeared as quickly as it came.

So now I am officially married and it still feels weird....

Monday, August 18, 2014

SMM: Mary Poppins Bullshit

previously on Sailor Moon, we learned that beautiful people just don't commit murder

Episode 4- Masquerade Dance Party

We open with Luna being the internet's favorite cat and using her computer skills to do research on the Sailor Guardians. My favorite part of the opening is that it clearly labels Rei as an Aries, because Rei is so an Aries. Also, apparently Luna keeps really good records as it even has all of their blood types.  She then brings up Mamoru and labels him suspicious. This cat has good instincts on people because she has clearly figured out he is Tuxedo mask even though no one else has.

~*Shiny Makeup Moonlight Song*~

Luna is waking up Usagi again as this girl is perpetually late to everything all the times. Luna could not possibly be rolling her eyes any harder. We cut downstairs to Usagi's mother reading the paper and saying how great Sailor Moon is to Usagi. Then her mother flips the page and we see a picture of a legendary treasure exhibit. This people is called foreshadowing 101.

Usagi makes her way to school and notices that there are noticeably more police officers out than normal. She tried to convince Luna to let her transform into a marathon runner so that he won't be late to school.  Luna tell her no and then we get a Luna voice-over recapping who Sailor Moon is. Finally, Usagi gets to school and her classmates tell her about the Princess of D being in town with her legendary secret treasure. Of course Luna goes to school with Usagi so she overhears all of this. I'm sorry how does no one notice a cat going into a school building? Or the cat walking with Usagi down the street? No cat I have ever met would do these things.

Later we see Rei telling Ami how smart and brilliant she is and how Rei has never been to an arcade before. Well obviously, arcades stopped existing in 2001 so of course she has never been to one. Ami tell Rei that she had never been to one before Usagi dragged her there either.  Then we get more voice-over narrative from Luna about who these two girls are.I have to wonder, we are on episode 4 is a recap of the last three episodes necessary? Is it because they are showing episodes 2 weeks apart and think people forget that quickly? 

Rei asks where Usagi is and Luna tells them that she got detention for sleeping in class. Surprise, surprise. Ami then teaches Rei how to play video games and its apparent that Rei is uncomfortable with being friends with people. Usagi shows up and Luna proceeds to have a meeting right there in the middle of an arcade
 where anyone can walk in on them at any time. You know I think I need to start counting all the times we have unnecessary cat talking in public.

Clearly not enough high-fives in Rei's world
They ask who the Youma are and Luna says she is not sure but that they must protect the princess as they are her guardians. But of course they have no idea who the princess is because Luna says her power is sealed away so her enemies can't find her. They have to protect her because she has the Legendary Silver Crystal that is the all-powerful Macguffin that will destroy the world. Luna says the guardians are the key to finding the princess and the crystal because once all the guardians are awakened they will know who the princess is. You know for some reason I don't think its going to be that simple.

We then cut away to see Usagi playing video games not listening to any of this. This is the 14 year old girl I expect. Luna then jumps on her head and starts yelling at her to pay attention. We got more of the Princess of D and her legendary treasure backstory and that she is throwing a dinner party tonight. Usagi says she wants to go to the party and Rei in her creepy fortune-teller says that's a bad idea. 

Over at Queen Beryl's camp we get to see Jadeite being teased by the other kings of the dark kingdom (Now known as the the four pretty boys of the apocalypse) for losing out to a pack of girls. Queen Beryl then goes on about rising their great ruler and evil running the world.

Usagi comes home from hanging out the arcade and we see a man in a Tuxedo. I am going to assume this is her father we have never seen before and I have to wonder how this guy with dark black hair and Usagi's mother with purple hair managed to have such a blonde child.  Daddy says that he is going to the dinner party tonight to get an interview for the magazine he works for.

Usagi then decides she is going to the party and uses her magic pen to transform into a princess as Luna makes "what what what" faces.We then see Usagi, Rei and Ami in party dresses heading for the ball and trying to figure out how they will get in. This seems to not be a problem as this party has the worst security ever and the three girls just waltz right in. This Princess of D must not be particularly concerned for her safety as the guards toss out the cat but let three girls without invitations right on in. 

The three girls all say they must find the princess, but Usagi, of course, runs off to be a 14 year old girl and dance the night away. Usagi klutzly knocks into someone and gets her dress as wet and runs off to dry it. Tuxedo Mask sees her and follows her out to ask her to dance. I love that these two see each other all the time and yet both are too dense to realize who the other is. They dance and Usagi gets all girly and emotional because she's 13 and has no idea what butterflies in your stomach are like. Luna then says something and Tuxedo Mask runs off. Luna and Usagi then have a completely inappropriate conversation on the middle of the dance floor when everyone is staring at them. Seriously, these two do not know how to be low-key about the talking cat shit.

Back upstairs, Ami and Rei are actually doing their jobs and protecting the princess from Nephrite who attacks the princess with a Youma. CGI Transformation time! 

The princess of D then runs through the ballroom and transforms the ballroom into a energy-zapping lifevoid. Luna and Usagi run out of the room where Usagi grabs hold of the princess to get her to calm down manages to get knocked off the balcony. Tuxedo Mask catches her arm just in time, showing how much of a dreamboat he is to save the girl. His fingers slip though and they both go falling off the balcony until Luna yells at Usagi to use her pen and it turns into.... an umbrella??? 

This is supposed to help them gently land? Are you kidding me? This is some Mary Poppins Bullshit right there. No umbrella is helping you land from falling off a balcony. Tuxedo Mask thanks her and then runs off again and Luna reminds her that she has work to do since she is supposed to be this bad-ass superhero and stuff. 

During Sailor Moon's transformation we remember that her Tiara got burned up in the last episode and somehow Tuxedo Mask's hand-holding has created Sailor Moon a new, better Tiara? This shit seriously makes no sense. 

Sailor Moon runs over to help Mercury and Mars take down Nephrite but none of their normal tricks work. Tuxedo masks yells down that the only thing that can defeat Nephrite is powerful light and this somehow means that sailor Moon needs to reflect the moonlight from her Tiara towards Nephrite. This shit gets more WTF as it goes on but YAY the Princess of D is saved. 

We then see the four pretty boys of the Apocalypse standing on the rooftop and introducing themselves to the Sailor Guardians and saying they will get the crystal at any cost.  The princess then wakes up and the girls run off to not be seen. The Princess of D then shows us her magical treasure which is a statue of herself made of diamonds. 

Over on the balcony, Sailor Moon is asleep on a bench and Tuxedo Mask being all creepy-stalker comes over and looks down at her. He then leans over and kisses her, which is both charming in a Sleeping Beauty way and creepy in take-advantage of someone sleeping way.

 Luna yell at him to leave Usagi alone, completely blowing Sailor Moon's marginal cover of being a different person. Luna don't you know that as soon as someone knows a superhero's identity that its all over for them? I mean you put Usagi's whole family at risk let alone could have made her a media target. For such  smart cat, that's kind of a dumb move.  Luna asks if Tuxedo Mask is working on their side or the enemies and Tuxedo Mask makes a flippant remark about not knowing before diving over the balcony.

On the other side of town we see a girl stuck out in a rain storm running home.

Luna inappropriately speaks in front of everyone: 2 times 
Legendary Silver Crystal Count: 9 times

Thursday, August 7, 2014

This Ain't A Scene, It's a Fall Out Boy Concert

So I have made no effort to hide my unabashed love of Fall Out Boy on this blog before. I've reviewed their cd, I've talked about seeing them in concert. I will admit to being a total Fall Out Boy Fan and being such a fan I attended yet another one of their concerts. This will make for the third time I have seen Fall Out Boy in concert, which is 2 times more than I have seen any other band in concert. This is possibly because the Foo Fighters don't play too many shows on the East Coast but also because FOB is awesome.

Anyways several months ago I was alerted that FOB was going to be doing a show in St. Augustine which is about 45 minutes away from my house. After giving iMac sad puppy eyes and a pouty face, he agreed to go with me making it also the first concert I have ever drug him to. Originally the line-up was supposed to be FOB and Paramore but for whatever reason Paramore dropped out sometime after I bought tickets and were replaced with some band I have never heard of.

So I got the tickets and the show started at 7:30, considering its an opening act I have never heard of iMac and I weren't in rush to get to the show on time. We figured FOB wouldn't go on stage until closer to 9 pm anyways. So we show up at about 7:45 and find out the parking lot is full and to park anywhere else nearby is $20 and of course we don't have cash. So we go to the gas station get money from the ATM, finally get parking and walk to the concert making it there about 8:05 pm.... just as Fall Out Boy is coming out onto the stage. Clearly their opening act could not take the Florida humidity (this being an outside venue and all) and did like half a set. If you have never been to Florida in the summer, the humidity is a lot like this:

So we managed to get to our seats just in time to stand for the next two hours.  My first inital thoughts during the opening song were: Patrick Stump clearly has lost weight; good for him and they have been on stage for less than 2 minutes and they are dripping in sweat. Obviously FOB wasn't prepped for the Florida humidity either because they were all in skinny black jeans and black shirts and black hoodies except for the drummer who had the good sense to take his shirt off. I'm pretty sure the entire band lost 3 gallons of sweat during their show that night.

Anyways the concert was amazing and having seen FOB in concert twice before you'd think I'd be ready for it and yet they managed to find way to surprise me like: Patrick Stump and Andy Hurley having a massive drum off during the break between sets (sorry if these pictures aren't the greatest).

Patrick Stump playing the piano that rose up out of nowhere on the back of the stage, while signing Queen's We Are the Champions too.

The giant flotilla of balloon balls they decided to have us toss around during a song (I can't remember which one anymore).

All in all it was an amazing show and not only did I have fun it appears iMac had fun too. Granted he was double fisting beers during the show but whatever. He did say after the show was finished that they put on a really good show and were clearly a talented group of guys. I take this as a good sign coming from a guy whose favorite bands are Cake and 311 and tends to go with mellower (read hippie-pot-smoking) music overall.

My favorite part of the whole concert was that I told iMac that at every Fall Out Boy concert there is the one token dad who doesn't want to be there with a pack of screaming teenagers. Luckily for me, we were standing right by him.

The dad in the white shirt stood with his arms-crossed looking sullen for the entire concert. It was funny everyone around him was dancing and singing and he just stood there looking grumpy. Towards the end of the concert we finally spotted his much shorter wife next to him who was her hands covering her ears and was clearly miserable at the loudness at the concert.

There was a drunk young guy that was 2 rows in front of us that was clearly there on behest of his girlfriend (no judgement here) who was dancing and getting down all night too. He was hilarious to watch dance and kept making a joke of himself but alas every time I started to videotape him he would stop dancing.

Anyways it was so much fun it almost makes me less sad I missed FOB's last tour where Panic at the Disco opened for them... almost.

Monday, August 4, 2014

SMM: Beautiful People Just Don't Kill

 Episode 3: Rei- Sailor Mars

We open on Queen Beryl in her usual sexy queen outfit giving the smack down to Jadeite for being pretty shitty at handling the sailor scouts. He apologizes and we meet the two other kings of the Dark Kingdom: Nephrite and Zoisite. I vaguely remember Zoisite being a girl in the original run of Sailor Moon back when I was a kid. I have to say even know, Zoisite has hair any girl would be jealous of.
We also get some background story on the Legendary Silver Crystal, Beryl says anyone who obtains it will be the ruler of the whole universe. So basically its the same as just about every other macguffin and I half expect Indiana Jones to show up just in time to save it from the Nazis. Jadeite vows to destroy the sailor scouts and the scene fades out.

We open on a dark-haired girl by a fire saying she can feel the evil coming. That's a really nifty trick to have in case you ever have to go out at night alone in a dangerous city.

~*Shiny Makeup Moonlight Song*~

A little girl is running away from the temple saying bye to Rei the dark-haired girl who can feel the evil coming to get her.

Then we cut to school where the students are talking about  the Demon Bus that passes a certain avenue every night at 6 pm. Listen I live in the South where there are only two types of buses: school and greyhounds. So my experience with buses is that they are all demon buses in their own way.  Either snot-nosed-kids are riding them torturing each other or you are on a greyhound for 13 hours with the weirdest collection of people you can imagine and you are terrified of getting left in a Hardees in bum-fuck-nowhere during the stop for food.
Anyways for whatever reason Luna, who is at school with Usagi is listening to the other students talk about the bus. I'm sorry is it cool in Japan to take your cat with you everywhere? because in America that would be grounds for being teased and as well as never going to happen. Usagi is sleeping at school again and Luna tries to wake her up by using the arcade as cover for a meeting. It works pretty well.

Ami and Luna are talking at the arcade about the evil and having to protect the princess and the Legendary Silver Crystal, while Usagi plays that Sailor V game per usual. Yet again a magical prize pops out of the machine and I am starting to wonder how the cat manages to rig it so that these prizes only drop for Usagi. Isn't the kid who plays the game next going to feel gypped he doesn't get a cool watch or something?

Usagi and Ami are hanging out waiting for the bus while Usagi whines that Ami is always studying. Ami tells her they can take a bus which a beautiful girl rides around this time of day.  This also happens to be the mysterious demon bus. Ami and Usagi get on the bus and Usagi sees Rei and immediately gushes about how beautiful she is and also creepily stares at her. Usagi then creepily stalks the girl off the bus to her house/shrine. Usagi you need to just reign it in a little. I'm pretty sure stalking is a crime in Japan too.
Sidenote: There has been some fervor on the internet on how this shows that Usagi is bisexual and blah blah blah. I'm not going to get into that here. If you think Usagi is bisexual great, if you think she is not great. I think the Japanese have a very different way of looking at sexuality than the Western World. This is a country that created Tentacle porn and some of the other anime iMac has made me watched is downright bizarre including one where a girl had to wear a chastity belt until a spirit could take over her body and have sex with the girl's stepbrother. Basically: Japan's ideas of sexuality are very different than North Americas and we should just go with it.

Rei feeling the "evil-twinges" gets all bad-ass on us and throws an ofuda scroll (yes, I had to Google what these were called) at Usagi's forehead, knocking her to the ground. I'm sorry this is what you get for being a creepy stalker Usagi.  Of course, Usagi just gushes more about how cool Rei is and how she's a shrine maiden.  This is all interrupted with Rei's kid friend from the previous day shows up missing. The kids mother is basically a bitch and says that the area hasn't been safe since the shrine got there. We here more about the Demon 6:00 pm bus and how people disappear when they ride it.
 Usagi hears tons of people talking about it at school. Usagi says she wants to go visit Rei after school again and Luna thinks Rei might be the princess they are looking for on account of her being so beautiful, because you know only beautiful people can be princesses.

Usagi is on the bus complaining about Ami having to go to so many cram schools and Luna tells her that they can stay in touch by the magic matching watches that just mysteriously "fell" out of the Sailor V game. Luna then realizes that someone is watching then and starts acting all cat-like prompting Usagi to not get a fucking clue. Then of course, who is sitting next to them? Mamoru of course, because you didn't see him sitting there before you sat down on the bus? He asks if she is talking to her cat again, because that seems to be a thing with her. Usagi asks who is he and if he goes to junior high and Mamoru has to whip out his school ID because he is in High School and pshhaw that someone thinks he is in junior high. My only thought was, do high school students in Japan wears suits everyday? I can't get my 30 year-old Fiancee in a suit now. Usagi catches herself staring at Mamoru and does the only thing a 13 year old can do at this point, try to hide under her 8 pound cat.
 Back at the temple, the kids family is badgering Rei to use her powers to find the kid. They are blaming her for the child's disappears and Usagi shows up and yells at them. Arguing that Rei is too beautiful to do anything like this, because beautiful people don't do bad things right? This just reminds me of Elle's argument in Legally Blonde.
Rei says that people treat her coldly because she is beautiful and has these mysterious powers. Usagi volunteers to help Rei find the kid, but Rei shuns her.  Rei then is hanging out by the fire and sees a vision of Jadeite attacking Usagi. Rei runs to help Usagi but the Jadeite shows up in the demon bus and hypnotizes Rei and brings her on the bus. The bus, driving erratically, then goes right past Usagi who sees Rei on the bus and runs after it. Usagi transforms into a flight attendant and even Luna is like Dafuq are you changing into a flight attendant for? Usagi jumps on the back of the bus as it crashes into a wall and goes into the void of wherever? Of course Tuxedo Mask sees all of this and is like "she totally transformed" but doesn't recognize that its Usagi even though he catches her cat and she is the only person running around Tokyo with that hairstyle. Clearly Mamoru's powers of perception aren't that great.
Luna contact Ami on those watches telling her that Usagi is in trouble. Back in void-land, Nephrite is telling Jadeite how this plan is never gonna work. Jadeite looks down at Rei and strokes her face noting how beautiful she is and how he is attracted to her

Elsewhere Usagi is freaking out and crying because no one can save her here and she clearly doesn't have any power to save herself. Listen, its not a Sailor Moon episode if she doesn't cry at least once. Then Luna chimes in on the magic watch where she is tracking Usagi's coordinates on the computer. Seriously, this cat knows how to use a computer than most people I know. Ami and Luna realize if they can get Usagi to transform to Sailor Moon it will magically teleport them to her. I don't know how this logic works, but I just go with it.

Time for CGI transformations.

There is a lot of posturing between Jadeite and the Sailor Scouts. Mercury does her aqua mist but Jadeite turns it into freezing water. Jadeite then traps Moon and Mercury and Rei wakes up from her trance, immediately knows that Usagi is Sailor Moon (see how hard this is Tuxedo Mask? Rei has only known her for 2 days). Usagi tells Rei everything because Usagi is horrible at keeping secrets. Rei jumps in and stops Jadeite saying she has powers too and we suddenly see the greek symbol for Mars on her forehead. Luna throws her a pen and is all like "transform bitch" and I have to wonder how Luna is carrying this shit around with her. Does she have a little kitty knapsack with all this stuff in it? 
Ami and Usagi get all excited at the prospect of having Rei on their team and Rei seems happy to not be the only person with magical powers. Jadeite is clearly thrown off by having a third teenage girl to fight and the Sailor Scouts get the upper hand. Sailor Moon uses her boomerang as a magic lasso to capture Jadeite and Sailor Mars uses her special powers of throwing flame sticky notes ofuda scrolls to vanquish him.

Back in town Rei hugs her little kid friend and tells her the Sailor Guardians saved her. Ami and Usagi tell Rei they were looking for someone like her and Rei seems happy. Now I remember Rei being snarky in the original run of Sailor Moon and I hope they keep some of the girl's snark. Someone has to tell Usagi to stop crying all the time. The three girls walk off talking about how they still need to find the princess and the "Legendary Silver Crystal."

We then cut to the airport where a little old Japanese man is carrying a small box as photographers take pictures.

Silver Crystal Count: 6
Usagi Cry Count: 1

Thursday, July 31, 2014

5 Things I Miss about North Carolina (and some things I don't)

You can take the girl out of North Carolina but you can't take the North Carolina out of the girl. Well apparently you can since technically I was born in New Jersey, but whatever, semantics. Living in South Carolina and now Florida, there are just some things I miss about North Carolina like:

1. Never being more than 20 miles from Krispy Kreme
Honestly I'm not really a huge doughnut fan, but there was something about driving through NC and seeing Krispy Kremes everywhere. If you are ever in the mood for a doughnut this is the state for you.

2. Cook-out
Oh the joys of Cook-out. If you have never been to one- you don't know what you are missing. A cheeseburger, onion rings and a milkshake at 2 am for $4.75 is amazing. I can only hope that one day they expand to Florida.

3. College Rivalries
Technically we have college rivalries in Florida but its all about Florida- Georgia. Forget that, give me ECU, UNC, NC State, Duke, Wake Forest and Appalachian State all hating each other. That's real college sports. There was so much trash-talking in NC for every sport it is ridiculous. I have to say I missing seeing Greenville being covered in people wearing purple. Go Pirates!

4. Insane weather
 North Carolina weather is just special. I have literally had a day where I started out in winter clothes and was wearing sandals by the end of the day and having a hurricane that night.  I remember switching between heat and air condition everyday in fall and spring. In Florida, its just fucking hot. I even miss the freaking out for the few snow flurries that we would get each year and how everything closed.

5. Listening to people fight about Barbeque 
 Somehow this post is more about food than I would like. Again not a huge fan of BBQ, but nothing is funnier than watching Eastern NC people and Western NC people fighting about BBQ. The fight boils down to this Eastern NC uses the whole hog and vinegar and peppers. Western BBQ uses the shoulder area with vinegar, peppers, ketchup and sugar.  People fight over which one is better pretty regularly, especially in college towns where there is a mix of people. This is such a thing there is even a Wikipedia page about North Carolina BBQ. And god forbid if a South Carolinian enters this fight (SC BBQ uses a mustard base) then its going to be an all day battle.

On the flip side I definitely don't miss: Anything to do with taxes in North Carolina. The State-income tax, the gas tax, the vehicle emissions tests; North Carolina was a taxing fucking state. Also Hurricanes, as weird as it is North Carolina gets significantly more Hurricanes than Florida.

Oh North Carolina how I miss you.... just enough to visit.

All of these stories are mine except the ones that aren't. Pictures are property of their creators. Powered by Blogger.

Disqus for Dancing on the Bar of Life