Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Married Life: Exactly what you would expect

So I realized I haven't updated in awhile and I'm sorry to say the problem is I'm too happy. I find when my life is going well I don't really want to write anything. I just don't have material to vent about when I am happy. I realize saying this makes me super obnoxious and I don't blame all of you for wanting to smack me in the face right now.

That being said, iMac and I have been married for a year. A fucking year! Do you believe that? I kind of don't. I didn't expect us to survive the year without one of us committing homicide, and yet somehow we managed.

Now I don't claim to be an expert in marriage, or much of anything else to be honest, but here are just a few things I learned in the first year of marriage.

1. It's pretty much the same as it was before - I know people talk about the first year of marriage being amazing, but iMac and I were living together before we got married. So its pretty much been the same as it was before, except now when he makes me mad I can tell him I am taking half in the divorce.

2. Sleeping medicine is the best thing ever- not that I have any trouble falling asleep, but iMac does. Zyquill keeps him asleep so long that he keeps him from getting pokey at 6 am, allowing me an extra hour of sleep in the morning.

This is how I feel at 6 am when the hubby wakes me up...

3. Invest in a King size bed- Seriously, best thing iMac and I ever did. iMac still takes up half my side of the bed, but when I manage to get him off me its like having a bed to myself.

4. Date night will become weird- Before date night was dinner and a movie, or going out bowling. Now date night is watching iMac make bread or gnocchi. On occasion, I get to torture him with a movie made before 1982 while he gets drunk on the couch bitching about how bad old movies are.

5. You stop pretending to like things-  Before iMac would at least pretend to like the same tv shows I did, now I can't get him to suffer through half an episode of The Musketeers before hi makes sad sighing noises and puppy dog-eyes for his computer. On the flip side, I don't play computer games anymore so that he can count it as "bonding."

So for those of you who have survived more than one year of marriage, what do I have to look forward to in year 2?

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Adventures in Home Shopping

So I may have mentioned a few posts back that iMac and I were buying a house. Let me tell you the adventure we got in doing that was not the adventure I wanted.

WARNING: This will be a lot of me griping about first-world problems and you may have the urge to want to whack me across the face with a salami. I encourage you to do this because someone needs to smack me into reality one of these days.

So iMac and I feel in love with this house that we saw on our first day of home shopping that got snatched out from under us before we could make an offer. Then our Realtor took us to a whole string of houses, none of which had any of the requirements we were looking for. So then we requested to see houses in this specific neighborhood. So he showed us four and the last one iMac completely fell in love with. I mean seriously there was no talking him out of it. He nearly made an offer as we were standing in the house. I tried in vain to talk him out of it but it was pointless.

So what sold him on this house? In short it was 3,300 square feet with four bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms and a huge kitchen. Plus it was a foreclosure house so it wasn't unreasonably over our price range.

My actual kitchen

This is where all the trouble started. The house was in foreclosure but not just any foreclosure, it was a VA foreclosure meaning we were buying the house from the government. So we were given a closing date of Dec 10th. Clearly from the pictures above there were no appliances in the house either. So we took advantage of the Black Friday deals and purchased everything and scheduled it for delivery on Dec 12th.

I will admit there was a lot of back and forth with our loan paperwork and because we were using the money that iMac got from his grandfather's will it was even more complicated. We had to have his mother physically mail stuff to us because she doesn't own nor know how to work a scanner. Anyways we got all the paperwork in and on Dec 2nd we were cleared to close.

This is when the government started working against us. The guy at the title company (I think- details are fuzzy here) had sent an email to a mortgage lady saying that the deed wasn't recorded at the VA a week prior, so while the mortgage people had cleared us to close without the title being recorded by the VA we couldn't close. The title guy said the VA was about a week backed up so that closing would have to be pushed after the 10th. So we paid a $460 fee to hold our interest rate.

Then we waited..

and waited...

and waited..

and waited for the VA to record the deed so we could close. We were told on the 4th the VA was back up a week, so we were smart enough to call appliance people and ask them to hold the delivery. We then found out one of our products was on back-order and we wouldn't get it till the 10th of January, which seemed a little late to be notifying us of that 6 days before delivery.

On Dec 19th we still had not heard anything from the VA about registering the deed so we took our Christmas vacation to Cuba. I'm pretty sure I checked iMac's phone 3 times a day wile we were in Cuba waiting for some notices about the deed.

Something like this with a younger husband

Then we got back from Cuba and nothing. I should note at this point that we only had till Jan 5th to close on this house or we had to go through mortgage underwriting all over again and I don't even know how much that would have cost us. Finally on Dec. 29th a full 19 days after we were originally set to close the VA registered the deed and told us they would need a week to process before we could close. So our closing was set for Jan 5th, the last possible day.

You would think this would be the end of my story? Oh no. We schedule a final walk through with our Realtor for Jan 5th and then we don't hear anything... until Jan 5th. Apparently the VA got our paperwork to the mortgage people late so then the mortgage people returned in late so then the VA didn't know if it was going to go through in time to close on Jan 5th. Then we find out the VA is on the west coast so that are 3 hours behind us as is.

At this point we go through our final walk through at 1 pm, we don't know if we are going to close. We don't even know the final amount of the down payment so we can have a check cut. At 3:30 we find out the HOA of the new house has some things that need to be done to the house and we need to sign a waiver if we want to close today otherwise the VA has to handle these things. We agree to sign the waiver (the lawn needed to be resodded and the house repainted) if we can close today to avoid going through underwriting again. The VA agrees and tells us the amount of the check.

At this point it is 4 pm and iMac and I are both at our respective jobs again. He has to leave and get a check cut so we can close at 5 pm. Low and behold, all the Bank of Americas in our town close at 4 pm, which is of course where he banks. He has to drive across town to the one BOA that is open till 5 to get a cashiers check cut in an amount that made me have a mild heart attack. But of course it is rush-hour traffic at this point and he doesn't even get to the bank till 4:45. I head to the closing but iMac doesn't show up til almost 6 pm. Not that any of this matters as the VA still had not faxed over the HUD report required to close. So iMac and I sign all the other mortgage paperwork while we are waiting and finally at 6:30 pm over 4 hours after we were originally supposed to close we get the HUD report and can close on our house.

We promptly got our new house keys, went to the house we rented and promptly passed out.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Adventures in Cuba-Land

So clearly I went MIA during the month of December and for a couple good reasons. The first one is that buying a house was completely exhausted (more about that in another post), but also because I was out of the country for over a week. More accurately I was in Gauntanamo Bay, Cuba (GTMO).

Don't worry I was not thrown in prison for being a terrorist or whatever they put people in the prison there for. iMac's Father is a military contractor who just so happens to be stationed on the military base of Guantanamo Bay (because there is more than just a prison there). So iMac and I flew down there,along with the rest of his family, for Christmas. This is our first Christmas as a married couple but also my first Christmas away from my family. Let me just say that my mother was not pleased about me not being there but also that it screwed up her Christmas Survivor games.

Flight Time and it was not the Big Easy.

Anyways, I may have mentioned before on this blog that I really really really hate flying, and apparently taking a boat was out of the option for this trip. So at 6 am we made our way to the airport for a 9:30am flight. Luckily for me, iMac's awesome lawyer brother-in-law had a prescription for Xanax that he was more than happy to share with me. So we board the plane and I am feeling so out of it, I'm thinking this flight is going to be great. The flight is schedule to last about two and a half hours, so when the pilot announced on the intercom at the two hour mark that we were going to have to turn around and fly back to Miami I was not a happy camper.

We could literally see Cuba from the plane. Granted it was the north Cuban side, where we can't land. We were only allowed to go to the naval base and no where else on the island. So they turned our plane around, landed us in Miami and made us board and entirely new plane to GTMO. Then we had to do the whole flight again and by now my Xanax had worn off and I was so not a happy camper. The Navy guys sitting behind us, however, convinced the captain of the plane to give us all free booze so at least there was some payoff. We then landed in GTMO around 2:30 pm, when we were supposed to land at 11:45 am.

Caribbean Paradise My Ass

 So there was two things in Cuba I was very much not expecting.  One was Iguana's that were bigger than my arms.

These guys were huge and not afraid of you either. They would run right up to you if you had food in your hands and they had teeth. iMac's parent's dog had a couple scars on his face from getting into a fight with one of these bad boys.  There were signs everywhere to stating not to feed the Iguanas.

The other thing I was not expecting was it to be a desert. You think island in the Caribbean and you with of Jamaica or St. Marten with beautiful lush green trees, crystal blue waters and sandy beaches. No, Cuba did not have these things. Well they did have the crystal blue waters you could see straight to the bottom of. But sandy beaches and lush greenery- nope. There were cacti cacti everywhere.

Apparently due to being at the very bottom of Cuba, that area doesn't get a lot of rainfall. Something about the rain stays at the north or goes to Jamaica, anyways it was more like a barren rock desert than the tropical paradise I was expecting. Which is not to say I didn't have a good trip. I spent almost everyday either on the beach, on a pontoon boat or kayaking. I got to have Cuban lobster which are delicious and huge. iMac's stepmom is a great cook and so I have zero bad things to say about the food on the trip. Plus iMac's family is awesome and fun, so I cannot complain at all about the trip (except the plane ride), and I came back tan!

I would definitely go back to Cuba if I had the chance, plus maybe with the restrictions being lifted I might be able to go to the actual Cuban side next time.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Do You Love Your Pet?

Do you love your pet? Would you be sad if you had to get rid of them? Does the idea of getting rid of them make you want to cry?

If so, you will empathize with this story. So one of my coworkers, Carmen, is stuck between a rock and a hard place. See Carmen has been living with her best friend at her best friend's parents house (she does pay rent there but its $350). The parents are currently living 2 states away, so its been NBD. However, a couple weeks ago BF's dad lost his job so the parents are moving back to this house.

 This wouldn't be a big deal, but BF's mom is allergic to cats and Carmen has a cat named Bonk that she loves and can't bear to give up. She found this cat on her backporch one Christmas Eve a long time ago looking all busted after just getting into a fight. She nursed it back to health and love it dearly and dresses it up in silly costumes.

Anyways, so Carmen is being forced to move out to keep her cat. Unfortunately Carmen is 22, works a full-time job and is putting herself through college. So poor she is. So being that this is 2014 and the internets, we are helping her raise money for the all the deposits she needs to move.

 So if you have ever loved your pet so much that you are willing to be homeless to keep it, please go donate some moneys to Carmen's Go Fund Me. Any amount of money will help and its will be totally appreciated. 

Help us internet, you are our only hope to keep this cat!

Monday, November 17, 2014

SMM: Apparently We Can All Come and Go By Bubble

Previously: Usagi's hair magically grew a million inches overnight and there.was.so.much.crying

Episode 10: Moon

So we open back on Luna's insane plan to go to the moon because physics and logics and shit don't matter. Anime makes no sense remember? She says they should depart on the next full moon and then we get a whole lot of education information about the moon because why not.

The team watches as Usagi plays the Sailor V video game and they are all "whew she's finished crying every three seconds over Mamoru." 

~* Shiny Makeup Moonlight Song*~

The next morning, Usagi's parents have doughnuts and her dad gives her back the Legendary Silver Crystal. He asks if her boyfriend gave her that and like any good dad, freaks out when she says yes. Watching this scene all I can think is how did a woman with purple hair and a dad with black hair  manage to have two blond children? Genetics do not work this way.

Its nighttime now and the Sailor Scouts are at the park waiting to go to the moon since the best time to go is during a full moon. They say its the white light of the moon that gives them energy and Usagi flashes back to meeting Mamoru in the park and starts missing him again. Then Luna looks like she has to fart real badly, a bunch of bubbles come out of the water and they transform into scouts.

The girls hold hands and magic bubble themselves to the moon because this shit doesn't have to make sense right? Technically they are all aliens, so sure they can breath with no oxygen and go to the moon.

The get on the moon and see the ruins of the Silver Millennium and where the castle used to be. Luna realizes they are in the middle of the prayer room and then we have a sword in the stone reference. All the scouts take turns pulling it out of the rock, but eventually its Venus that man-handles that word and yanks it out of the rock like a badass.

We have a voiceover and glowy light that eventually becomes Queen Serenity, who thanks Luna for bringing them. I love this scene because Queen Serenity is like a tiny hologram fairy and it totally reminds me of Star Wars. Also how fucked up is it that she is Queen Serenity and Usagi is Princess Serenity? Who names their child after themselves. So egotistical.

Queen Serenity goes on about how Princess Serenity loved Earth because it was so green and she loved the wind. Bitch, who likes the wind? All it does is ruin my hair. Moving on, we have flashbacks of Serenity and Endymion falling in love and then we can see the Silver Millennium how it used to be. The Scouts totally bust the Princess chops about going to Earth all the time. Then its yet another flashback to the war, Queen Beryl, Endymion dying but this time we see Princess Serenity consumed with grief commit seppuku (death by shoving a samuri sword through your stomach) to which iMac went "no fricken way would a 13 year old girl do that" and I called it a bad Romeo and Juliet knock-off.

Anyways Queen Serenity uses the Legendary Silver Crystal to lock them all away and send them to Earth to be reborn, after locking Queen Metallica away. Earth was destroyed and had to start over and the scouts were reborn to harness the true power of the crystal and destroy the great evil. 

They tell the Queen that the Crystal is all jacked up because it went into Tuxedo Mask's body and hasn't been bright and shiny since then. The Queen says it did that because Usagi really wanted to save him and that she's sure he is alive. I like this; the long-dead queen tells her reborn Earth Daughter that her reborn true love is alive because of a Crystal. Are you kidding me? Why would anyone believe her? It manages to make Usagi feel better thought and that's all that matters.

We then have some touchy feely moments of the Queen trying to make her daughter feel better and telling the scouts to protect her before they head back to earth in their magical golden bubble. Who travels by bubble?

Back in the dark underground winter hell, the four pretty boys of the apocalypse are watching as Queen Beryl descends down the staircase to meet Queen M. Being the nosy boys they are, they follow her where they watch as Queen Beryl tells Queen M that they cannot find the Crystal. Queen M says to get rid of Tuxedo Mask then but Beryl has other plans and I'm pretty sure they involve raping Tuxedo Mask's rocking anime bod.

Queen M then demands more energy and Queen B is all like I can do that with my four idiot pretty boys who don't remember that I brainwashed them. Of course upon hearing this news the four pretty boys regain all their memories, because plot convenience. We see a flashback of the four pretty boys pledging their allegiance to Endymion and how they were reborn to protect their master. Queen Beryl walks in on this happening, calls them all pawns and then re-brain washes them because these boys are so simple-minded. She tells them to get rid of the Princess and get her that Crystal! 

Back in the underground Arcade Bat-lair, the scouts are checking out he thermal reactions around the north pole, because thats what all 13 year old girls do. The realize this has to be where Queen Beryl is hiding, but alas the bad guys have turned Toyko into the North Pole to steal their energy.

The scouts rush to stop them and Sailor Moon demands Tuxedo Mask back, to which Kunzite counters with "you can have his corpse." They start to attack, get repelled by the scouts and then Sailor Venus runs up the wall like a badass and is all "remember your past lives!!" She then breaks down how the scouts and the four pretty boys of the Apocalypse used to be twue rrove and the other scouts remember.

I am all for this plot development, as they have been clearly leading up to it throughout the last 9 episodes but I know other Sailor Moon fans hate this because reasons. So sound off in the comments and tell me if you like this development, hate it or are indifferent too it.

The brain washed pretty boys don't give two shits though and zap the scouts. Sailor Moon takes ten seconds out of crying over Tuxedo Mask and does a nice moon boomerang toss to interrupt them. She then breaks out her moon healing escalation and flies up above earth and saves the world? I have no sarcasm left for this. 

The four scouts band together and say that Usagi shouldn't have to save them all the time and try to unbrain wash their former lovers. It doesn't work but hey they made a valiant effort.

Back in the evil frozen underworld, Queen Beryl brain washes Tuxedo Mask into doing her dirty work and we see a dark Mamoru. You can tell he is evil by the glowing red eyes.


Legendary Silver Crystal Count: 12
Usagi cries: 0 times this episode!!

SMM: Magical Hair Growth and Twue Rrove

Episode 9: Serenity

We open where we left off, with a giant green bubble of energy heading straight for a flying Sailor Moon when Tuxedo Mask leaps through the air to her defense and gets all knocked around. Only then does Tuxedo Mask remember that he is really Endymion and that Sailor Moon is really Princess Serenity and that they were all reborn on earth. Of course he conveniently remembers this before passing out because every good soap opera needs a fainting scene.

~*Shiny Moonlight Makeup Song*~

Like any hormonal thirteen year old girl, Sailor Moon freaks the fuck out and starts screaming which causes her to transform into the princess she really is. We get this whole cool clock that had stopped is now moving backwards scene and Usagi starts to remember her past life as a princess.  She remembers going to Earth to stalk the handsome prince and them falling in true love.

Then she remembers the war breaking out and the people of Earth charging the moon kingdom and Endymion jumping in the way before to save her life. Sailor Moon freaks out more and starts crying and suddenly her tears turn into the Legendary Silver Crystal, dun dun dun!!

This is of course intercut with scenes of all the bad guys being like "crystal get it!!" 

We then watch part of the crystal be absorbed into Tuxedo Mask's body before Queen Beryl shows up and demands that Kunzite take the Crystal. I'm starting to think Beryl is all bluster and no work. She never does any of the actual fighting her. She just leaves it up to the four pretty boys of the apocalypse. What kind of evil villain doesn't get her hands dirty?

The Sailor Scouts valiantly try to protect the princess but are ultimately not strong enough to repel the attacks. Kunzite takes off with Tuxedo Mask's body and Sailor Moon has a total meltdown. She struggles to get away from the Scouts to save him, but like smart girls they don't let her go.

Back at the under-ground arcade headquarters, Usagi is still crying because she just lost of the love of her life and what else can you do but cry when that happens? If I lost my husband, I would need three bottles of wine and two months of crying to be able to even leave the house.

Sailor Venus ain't having that shit though, because she has work to do. She grills Usagi about what she remembers and how they used to live on the Moon. Rei, the ever observant one, points out at Usagi is the real princess not Minako and Artemis apologizes for lying to them but they were doing it to protect the Legendary Silver Crystal. 

Then backstory-palooza happens where we see more of the moon kingdom and the fight and of the Sailor Scouts former lives. We get to watch Endymion die for the third time this episode, which is just overkill TBH. Artemis says they successfully sealed away the evil Queen Metallica last time but the she has escaped again. Usagi  hears this and death shakes Sailor Venus asking who it was that took Mamoru and where they are.  Sailor Venus asks her to calm her tits but Usagi freaks out more being all "I am not a princess!!"

Usagi then looks at the Legendary Silver Crystal again and is all "I can't believe I had this inside me." Sailor Venus, proving to be the worst friend ever, says that Usagi's strong love for Tuxedo Mask brought out the Crystal and Usagi then promptly faints from all the flashbacks of death she is dealing with.

Back in the underground cave of winter-doom, Beryl and Kunzite lament how they couldn't find the Legendary Silver Crystal even though they clearly saw it go into Tuxedo Mask's body.  Beryl says to keep Tuxedo Mask alive until they find that Crystal and then storms off. Of course the four pretty boys of the Apocalypse all have a strange feeling of deja-vu like they know Tuxedo Mask but brush it off because plot convenience. 

Usagi then wakes up in her bed, freaking out that Queen Metallica has killed Endymion.  Can I just take a moment to complain that I never know what to call these characters? I mean fuck, they all have three different names. Do I call her Usagi, Princess Serenity, Sailor Moon? This show is like schizophrenic acid-trip. I never know which person I am talking about.

Time of Luna's flashback of coming to earth and being found by Usagi but then not trusting her and causing her all this pain. Luna has massive kitty guilty. Luckily the other Sailor Scouts decide its time to go see how Usagi is doing because they can't stand waiting around for her to feel better. Apparently without Usagi, there is no sunshine for the rest of the Sailor Scouts.

When they find Usagi though, her hair has grown like twenty-million feet over night. Apparently Rapunzel doesn't have a thing on this girl. 
The scouts help her cut her extra-long hair and put it back up for her. Minako, again being horrible at this girl thing, talks about Usagi's hair back in the Silver Millenium which causes Usagi to flashback yet again before freaking out about Mamoru. The girls tell her to get a hold of herself, but come on no 13 year old girl can do that.

Ami tells Usagi that Princess Serenity used to always cheer them up with her smile. Thanks Ami, because every girl wants to be responsible for other people's happiness, like Usagi doesn't have enough on her plate to deal with.

Rei, clearly the only sensible person here, helps calm Usagi down saying that they are here to help her and protect her. That Usagi doesn't have to be the princess; she can just be her.

Then Luna suggest they all go to the moon where they used to be happy because the laws of physics and shit don't matter here.

So moon here we come!

# of "Legendary Silver Crystal's":11
# of times Usagi Times: Infinity

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Growing up-ish

I finally reached that moment when I realized, Fuck I'm an adult. 

I'm not entirely sure when it happened. I mean turned 30 and it didn't feel any different than turning 25 or 21 or 18. Yet, somehow I have realized that I am a fully-functioning adult and that concerns me.

I guess this really shouldn't come as all that much of a surprise to me. I am thirty; I've managed to hold down the same job for an entire year and I don't hate it and plan to leave ASAP. I got married this year and now (if you follow my Twitter feed you already know this), Imac and I are shopping for a house. 

House Hunting has been bitter sweet at best. The only reason we have the money to buy a house right now (as opposed to August when we had originally intended) is because iMac's grandfather died and iMac got part of his mother's inheritance. I'm not going to the whole story with iMac grandfather and the inheritance and their nonsense. Lets just some it up with rich people are crazy and I'm suddenly glad my family is poor middle class and there will be no money to fight over.

Back to the adult thing, so iMac and I have been shopping for houses and we keep finding ones we like only to have them go under contract like the next day. It's been totally devastating to fall in love with a house only to have it snatched out from under you. Fortunately, we put an offer on this massive 3000 sq ft house, which is more space than we will ever use, and after waiting a week they finally accepted our offer. 

The house is a foreclosure which means we are getting it cheaper than what its worth, even though its about 30K over the amount we wanted to spend on a house.  That being said it comes with no appliances so we have to buy all of those and we have to have it re-fenced or the dogs are going to escape.  Basically we are spending so much money on this house its ridiculous and secretly I am terrified our mortgage loan is going to fall through.

Our biggest problem so far is that iMac and I can't agree on basic things like what color we should paint the dining room or if we should get stainless steel appliances or slate appliances. First world problems, I know. On the plus side, the new house has so many cabinets that my husband will never do this again:

So even though I am an adult, I am clearly still neurotic and paranoid (also we close dec 10th, party at my house!!).

Monday, October 20, 2014

SMM: Savior Complexes and How Can These Bitches Fly?

Episode 8: Sailor V

We open where the last episode left off, with Sailor Moon being saved by Sailor V and her badass self. Sailor Moon is all "are you Sailor V?" *Fangirl Squeal*

Cut to Queen Beryl looking none fucking pleased that there is yet another meddlesome kid she has to deal with.

The other Sailor Scouts get to their feet and Rei, the ever keenful one, points out that she doesn't look like the Sailor V that they are used to seeing. I'm really glad they brought this up because the costume change was weird to not be mentioned. Sailor V says this is true because she normally wears this mask. Sailor Moon is all YAYAY it is Sailor V!!! when Artmeis (the little white cat) cuts her off saying its rude because she's not just Sailor V she is also Princess Serenity of the Silver Millennium, Moon Kingdom (**my thoughts on this later) and Sailor Moon's eyes get even wider than I thought possible.

~*Shiny Makeup Moonlight Song*~

Sailor Moon is all YAY princess when the tiara on her head changes shape into bullhorns (???) and then she has a flashback to the Silver Millennium but can't quite grab onto it. Only then does she realize Zoisite is still behind her trying to kill her. Zoisite disappears back into nothingness and Tuxedo Mask gets all freaked out by Princess Serenity and hightails it out of there while Usagi cries out after him. Tuxedo Mask gets all pouty because he's shitty at protecting people.

Sailor V comes down off the roof and applauds Sailor Moon for doing such a good job. I have to say this scene smacks of being patted on the head, being told you did a good job and now let the grown-ups take over. Sailor Moon doesn't get this condescension I see because she is way too engrossed on her idol standing right in front of here.

Sailor V then says she has been instructing them all on how to fight through the Sailor V game and Usagi suddenly seems like less of a hallucinating nut-job. Luna chimes in on the communicator and Sailor V is "bitch I took care of this I will meet you soon." Sailor V changes back into her human girl mode and introduces herself as Minako Aino. This scene really shows how much they managed to make Mina and Usagi look almost identical.

The scouts all make there way to the underground arcade command center and Luna apologizes that she couldn't come meet the princess. The Scouts ask where Mina has been all this time and she says she met Artemis long before they had met Luna. Mina had taken it upon her 14 year old girl self to investigate all the crime in Tokyo because you know being a super hero is every 14 year old girl's dream. After a while she realized there was a dark evil lurking behind all of these crimes.  Mina realizes its the same person who destroyed the Silver Millenium before. She says that they had managed to seal her away but that the seal was broken and they need to seal her away for good otherwise she will steal everyone's happiness.

Sailor Moon then asks where the Legendary Silver Crystal is and its at this point you realize Sailor V has been lying because she says she hid the crystal away for safekeeping, which any 5 year old kid can tell you is code for "I don't know where it is, but I don't want you to know that."

The Scouts say that the princess can count on them to help protect her. They part ways and Mina and Artemis walk home. Mina realizes the other Sailor Scouts will soon remember everything and that she needs to get this shit wrapped up before that happens. Artemis chimes in that Mina can count on them and that she doesn't need to fight alone. Mina is having none of this bullshit, as home-girl has a mission that can't be completed by anyone else.

We then cut to flashbacks of the silver Millenium in Usagi's dream where she screams out to Mamoru but calls him Endymion and he calls her Princess Serenity. I need to start taking shots everytime someone  in this show has a flashback that tells them everything but they can't figure it the fuck out. Usagi wakes up and convinces herself its all a dream. She convinces herself it was because she met the princess the other day and not because common sense says otherwise.

Usagi is walking through the park and is contemplating how it feels like Sailor V is hiding something from her and for once I applaud that Usagi has some of sixth sense about something because the character has starting to seem a little oblivious. Usagi runs into Mamoru and they have a cut little interchange where he's sorry he couldn't protect her and she's all I stole your pocketwatch like a creeper. He says that he has something of hers that he needs to trade back anyways.

Luna walks off sad-faced because she can't protect Usagi from falling in love with Tuxedo Mask. Just then Artemis shows up being all "we've been keeping things from you and we should probably tell you the truth." I like this turn of events because in the original Anime it felt like Luna pulled all the shots and kept Usagi in the dark. This time around even she is in the dark and it feels less like a betrayal.

In the dark kingdom, Queen Beryl and Metallica (Metalia) are discussing the Princess Serenity and how to lure her out and get the Crystal for themselves. Kunzite shows up and is all let me be your humble servant. Kunzite then speaks directly to Sailor V demanding that she bring the Crystal at once to the tower or he is going to kill everyone in Tokyo. For good measure Kunzite even turns off all the power to the city. See pretty boys of the apocalypse, this is how a real threat works. Even though Artemis tells her its a trap, Minako demands to go to see Kunzite alone even blowing off dinner with the other Sailor Scouts.

Luna then alerts the scouts to the blackout and Usagi is all "mamo-chan" and we cut to Mamoru having a dream about the princess, thinking someone was calling him and waking up to the blackout. Considering we were just talking about dinner in the last scene, either Mamoru is a vampire who sleeps all day or just took an extra long nap after school.

Back to Minako, who transforms into Sailor V and I have to say this is one of my favorite transformations.  It's very similar to the Sailor Moon transformation but shorter,

She and Kunzite have a bit of a of conversation where he demands the crystal and she's like no. She throws her boomerang, it bounces off him, he throws green energy at her, she tries to convince him of his previous life. Fangirls every where get all squeally.  Then the Sailor Scouts uses their own green energy bubble (?) to teleport to the roof of the building to save Sailor V. Sailor V tries to tell them to leave because its too dangerous and the scouts are all 'but we are such good friends we can't leave you alone to fight even though we met you less than 48 hours ago."

The scouts all attack, Sailor Moon tries her moon healing escalation, which doesn't work and then Kunzite starts blowing bitches up. The scouts try to bubble off the roof, but Sailor Moon gets knocked out and of course who comes to save the day (hint: its not Mighty Mouse)?  Tuxedo mask, who catches Sailor Moon before she plummets to her death,

Usagi is all you came to save me again and then is like "boy it's too dangerous for you here, let us girls fight this battle" before she kisses him and jumps away. Mamoru then has a long introspective about how Usagi has so many sides and how he is totes obssessed with her and her bun-hair.

Sailor Moon then jumps into the air and floats there for an unnaturally long time, which I don't get. Is this supposed to be one of her super-powers? I have to say its better than the sonic crying from Episode 1. Kunzite goes to attack and then Tuxedo Mask jumps into the way to save Sailor Moon and they both float in the air until they are knocked away and the episode ends in true Anime style with a cliffhanger.

** Spoiler Alert: do not read if you don't know what is going to happen**

Okay you were warned. There was a lot of talk on tumblr about Sailor V lying about being the Princess. Some people argued that she didn't know she wasn't really the Princess. My read on this is that Minako knows full well that Usagi is the Princess. In the Manga, Sailor V was the Princess' bodyguard and double. Sailor V would pretend to be the Princess to keep her safe. It seems clear that Sailor Moon Crystal staying much more true to the Manga. Sailor V knows that Usagi is the princess but feels like its her duty to keep her safe, hence all the "I can do this alone" and "its my job and burden to bear" stuff that we get from Sailor V in this episode.

**Spoilers ended**

#Silver Crystal Count: 8
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